Manifesting 101: The Pitfalls of Compassion

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Note: Longer post.

The path to manifesting a goal is filled with challenges and those who’ve surmounted them are often willing to share the methods and strategies that worked for them.

There are a number of books going back to Think and Grow Rich if not earlier filled with support and advice.

One of the pitfalls I’ve yet to see talked about is something that has caught me up time and again. 

Too much of a good thing.

When compassion becomes an energy drain.

Hey, Me Too!

I’ve lost count of the number of people who, upon hearing I’m a writer, tell me they too want to be a writer.  More often than not, however, they have no intention of following through on the desire.

This includes people I’ve met in writing classes, at writing seminars, or who were in various writers’ groups I’ve been a part of.

I’ve found there are people who simply like to tell everyone they’re going to be a writer.

They tend to become feisty when I point out there’s a difference between wanting to be a writer – which they probably already are if they have a manuscript – and wanting to be a published writer where they’d have to polish that manuscript and go the distance.

A Theme Across Industries.

People are people.

When I was starting out in corporate as what one colleague referred to as a “junior astronaut” there were a couple of others who, like me, were entry-level but aspired to move up the ladder.  Compassionate by nature, I was more than happy to discuss strategy with them.  

At the end of the day, however, I was the only one who achieved what I set out to do.

Become a senior Technical Consultant.

It’s a lot of work.

Going to tech classes at night, working weekends, and putting in 80 hours a week was par for the course for years, as was living on a plane for weeks if not months to pay my dues.

I was touched when one colleague pulled me aside to tell me the stress and workload was too much for her. 

What was touching was that she worried I was disappointed in her for bowing out.  I quickly assured her nothing was farther from the truth.

Too Much of a Good Thing.

My compassion got me into trouble from time to time.  

One colleague used my strategy to go after my job.

Fortunately, it didn’t work but it was damn close.  Talk about stress!

Another casualty was the time and energy taken to talk with colleagues who were sometimes only curious about what I was doing.

Let’s just say that for the times and the company culture it was no longer an easily accepted path up the Technical Consultant ladder.

Looking back I see how draining and harmful giving time and energy to certain individuals turned out to be.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

One of the more confusing challenges – one I’ve seen too often – are those who see your efforts as some sort of judgment or commentary on them.  These individuals, upon hearing of your plan or your success get defensive.

They are those who, rather than congratulating you on overcoming hurdles to achieve something state “I could have done that too if…” then proceed to tell you all the reasons their hurdles were obviously bigger than yours so they couldn’t do what they set out to accomplish.

I suspect this is a life lesson for me because over the years as I achieved more goals I ran into it more often.

I broke the pattern when I simply quit giving these folks my time and energy.

Don’t Leave Me!

Another pitfall on the path to goal achievement is a bit on the inisidious side.  

I’d go so far as to say it’s a hurdle on the path to achieving your goal.

In general, when you begin taking serious action toward achieving a goal, the universe will put situations and people on your path to help you.

And challenge you.

Sometimes the people who claim to be your best cheerleader turn into your biggest obstacles.  This is because while they say they want you to achieve your goals, it isn’t true. Often, as you get close to attaining the goal, they begin subtly sabotaging your efforts.

This is a close cousin to the person who says they want to do something but really has no intention to do what it takes.

The traps involved with this challenge are too numerous to go into.  Suffice it to say that putting time and energy in this direction can lead you off the path.

This is one of the trickier ones because the individual who has seemed so supportive suddenly changes their tune, usually just when you’re about to succeed.  The psychological whiplash can be very draining.

Though the challenges involved with achieving a goal can be numerous, one that baffled me big time was hostility turned my way once I achieved a goal and made to move on to the next.

I love to learn and improve – myself and my life as well as the life of others I can help along the way.

What these challenges have in common is that each of them took time and energy I could have put into achieving the goal and while I’m aware they are part of life’s challenges along the path – normal in other words – they aren’t part of the process so much as a specific theme that, if one isn’t careful, can keep you from succeeding.

For the simple reason you don’t see the forest for the trees of the path through the manifesting woods.

I hope by sharing these tidbits people become aware of where hurdles could be hiding in plain sight.  Though compassion is worthy, when it becomes an energy drain that moves you from your dreams it’s time to regroup.

And redirect that compassion to the one looking back at you in the mirror.

Be well!

Manifesting 101:  Liminal – The Necessary Evil

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Note: Longer post.

As I was getting ready for bed last night, a routine that includes prayer and meditation, I briefly considered that the weather had again shifted and I was looking at walking in cold rain come morning.

We’d just had warm sunny days so I wasn’t keen on playing Michelin Man again.

Twilight.

The Time Between

Somewhere between 4 and 5am I became aware though not fully awake.  What I got for my trouble was a message that put what I’m going through in perspective.

The Space Between.

Like so many, due to a confluence of variables, I find myself in a state of transition.

As is the world around me.

In his book Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes, William Bridges explains transitions don’t always begin at the beginning.  They can and often do start with an ending.

Leaving home, a job, a relationship.

He brings up a critical aspect of transition.

One I’d never considered before reading his book.

Liminal.

The Space Between

Dictionary.com defines liminal as coming from the Latin limen, meaning threshold.

In its literal sense, a threshold is a doorway.  Liminal is often used to describe the threshold, or gateway, between stages.  When used in a general way, liminal is often used to describe in-between spaces, places, and feelings.

I was fully aware of being in the liminal and that this stage of transition doesn’t have a set time to completion.  That didn’t mean I was enjoying it.

Though I’ve been trying to.

Wasting Time or Coping?

A chronic multi-tasker and overthinker I knew if I didn’t find a way to distract myself I was going to be in trouble soon.

The much needed break would be pushed off and I’d find myself in a world of health hurt.

I took a number of steps that worked – for a bit.  Fortunately for me before real trouble set in the weather improved just enough that I could get myself out the door for a walk.

In cold, rain, sleet, and hail.

So long as I bundled up.

Feeling like the Michelin Man as I ambled stiffly along.

Building up to about 5 miles a day seven days a week I did my best to ignore the fact I could see my breath but not always feel my hands.

It took quite awhile to thaw out when I got back.

I distracted myself by noticing and focusing on signs of spring.

Buds that over the time I was walking turned into beautiful flowers.

Weeks turned to months and I found myself grasping for every distraction possible.

I’ve never watched so much sports in my life.  

Thank God for March Madness, MLB Spring Training, Stanley Cup and NBA Playoffs.

I love the new rules for Major League Baseball that make games a lot less boring to watch.

Distractions only work so long before the ego catches on.  Knowing I was at risk of losing the momentum I’d worked so hard to achieve I spent a good portion of yesterday thinking of ways to add a bit of interest.

I knew I couldn’t fool myself so I needed to do something not to distract so much as to calm.

Just before drifting off I told God I was out of ideas and would love a bit of help.  The answer came between 4 and 5am.

Remember.

Walk Time is not Waste Time.

Looking back I see there was a bit of method to the madness that got me to this point which just reinforces my experience that the universe colludes to help you along.

Dropping little hint crumbs as you walk through the forest of doubt and confusion on your way to your goals.

Yesterday I participated in an online exchange where I shared a story from my time in corporate. I mentioned a wonderful manager I’d had who became the benchmark for the ideal manager.

His boss was awesome too!

Someone asked me to clarify a point which I was more than happy to do.  Case closed.

Or was it?

Turns out this exchange primed the universal pump as it were, opening the gate to an answer.

In Dreams.

That liminal stronghold.

Last night I dreamt of a company I spent time in along my tech career path.  Unfortunately, or perhaps not, the dream sequence took place during the toxic years.

The company was in a years’ long death spiral which brought out the worst in several  – though thankfully not all – coworkers.

In the dream I spoke to many individuals I’d worked with including a less than stellar manager.  

Who was referenced in the exchange – not by name – as an example of comparitive poor management response.

The Path is the Doorway.

You have to walk through.

The message received this morning was an image from a time in my life that was a transition of ntense difficulty.

A very sad and lonely time in my life.

Determined to improve things I spent weeks in late fall and throughout winter – in Michigan mind you – walking at night no matter the weather.

Through freezing temperatures and snow that had frozen into ice.

Back to the Beginning.

The benchmark. 

Jose Silva advises students to create advisors – real or imagined – that can help with any number of issues.  Though I hadn’t yet taken the BLS, I nonetheless naturally gravitated toward the same concept – to that wonderful manager who I was working for at the time.

It was natural as I have a vivid imagination and the process is similar to how I create characters for my fiction works.

Night after night as I considered the more painful aspects of what I was going through I imagined how this manager would advise me.

We’d had enough non-work conversations that I felt a confidence in what he would say, including the tone of voice and where and when he might laugh or exclaim over my ego’s attempts to stifle painful – if necessary – change which incuded cutting loose a lot of toxic relationships.

Remembering the value of walking through that liminal stage helped me see that the walking I’m doing now is the perfect solution.  The best aspect of the message was the reminder that though it may take time, there will be a point where I’m past this stage and into the next. It also served as a reminder I don’t need to know what the next is.

I certainly didn’t back then.

Have Faith.

Something I’d been working on.

Increasing faith suddenly became easier for the simple reason I’d been in this place before and it worked out.  Better yet it worked out without me knowing how.

Six months after making the decision to change, no matter how scary or lonely or painful, I met my husband, one of many blessings that came into my life once I made room for them.

By getting rid of  – no matter how painful or scary – that which no longer served.

When I set out to walk in the cold rain today I felt more relaxed.  I no longer had the expectation that an answer or aha moment should or would come.

Or that its absence meant I was doing something wrong.

Another Bread Crumb.

A clue along the path.

The idea for this article came as I was walking back.  I liked it not because it was an opporunity to share perspective in order to help others, but an opportunity to further ingrain the message the universe took the time to send.

A message that significantly reduced the stress of not seeing around the next bend on the path through the liminal.

Before I finish this post I’d like to share another coping strategy.

Get a Walking Buddy.

Or more accurately, a transition buddy.

As fate would have it, a good friend of mine – someone I’ve been friends with for decades – is also going through a time of significant and somewhat painful transition.

He had to move his mom to assisted care, is selling the house that’s been in his family for over three decades, and is walking the path of what is yet to be in this new stage of his life.

Ironically, when we met I was on the path of transition.

The begining stage of a different transition.

He and I have remained friends through a number of life transitions.

Which makes us ideally suited to support each other through the current ones.  

What I’ve found to be a key aspect of this support is that though we acknowledge the change and recognize it will change us in many ways, we also know we will be, at the end of it, who we are.

In our core.

By sharing anecdotes and small talk and generally just checking in with each other we provide assurance that though the hurricane winds of change are blowing, our inner houses are safely protected.

By a number of factors including our friendship.

As I eye the clock for the next walk I wonder if my shoes have dried out yet but even if they haven’t, it’s time to hit the path.

After all, each step is closer to getting through the liminal forest.

Be well.

Manifesting 101: Playing With Time

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All In Good Time

This sentiment is often entwined with various aspects of manifesting.  

Particularly the aspects to do with releasing attachment to the outcome.

Years back while covering Intel as a customer I got the idea that Arizona was incredibly beautiful and given the weather was better relative to where I was living in the Detroit Metro Area, decided I wanted to move there.  

Not So Fast.

I tried transferring with my job.  No dice.  I tried getting a different job to facilitate the move.

I planned on paying  my own reloc.

No dice.

Years went by but the desire to move there remained.  I met the man I would marry and we both talked of “almost” moving to the Grand Canyon state but how our efforts didn’t pan out.  We tried together.  No dice.

Deciding it wasn’t meant to be we followed the path life put before us.  

Turned out it was a path that would take us to Arizona.

Hmmm.  

I’d forgotten about this.

When I first tried relocating to Arizona, I was young and single.  The next time I made the effort I was still young but married.  By the time I lived there my life had changed and I was old enough that my needs were different, something I hadn’t really considered.

Until we went shopping.

Timing is Everything.

We hadn’t considered the time of year when moving, something that was brought to our attention when we visited a shoe department in a Scottsdale Mall.

Back to school?  OH NO!

Talk about a mob scene. 

Which, bad as it was, was nothing compared to the malls during Spring Training.

The rudest people weren’t the teenagers looking as if they’d rather be anywhere else but their mothers who didn’t hesitate to shove anyone who might get to a shoe first out of their way.

Including other people’s toddlers.

Aaron and I looked at each other over the heads of overtired middle school students who were alternately puzzled and horrified by their mothers’ behavior and our expressions said it all.  

We forgot.

The flustered sales people and total chaos brought us back to various times in our lives when seasonal shopping included incredible chaos.

Each of us recalled how we went with friends to far reaching malls and out of the way shopping places to avoid the crush and chaos.

We beat a hasty retreat to a quiet restaurant at the far end of the mall where we promptly expressed the same sentiment over beer:

I forgot.

We spent the rest of the meal reaffirming the choice to find a better way.

At the very least a less noisy less chaotic one. Oh, and with as few rude people as possible.

Applying principles and tactics perfected while working in tech – using unique and creative ways to address a challenge – we solved the issue not by going to remote shopping locations but by shifting the time of day when we shopped.

Even if it meant reworking our schedules.

The incident, along with many others that took place while living in Arizona, served to remind me that I may wish for something but by the time I get it the variables may be different.  These days, to the best of my ability, I take this into consideration when working on a goal.

In general I keep the parameters open enough that life can bring me the goal in any number of forms so long as the basics are there.

What are the basics?

Depends on the goal and the impact of achieving it.

The important takeaway is that by releasing attachment to the outcome – leaving it up to the universe to work out the details – I increase the odds I’ll get what I am looking for at the perfect time.

For me “the perfect time” is any time I don’t have to use hindsight to appreciate what I achieved.

Note:  Mike Dooley does a good job with this concept with what he calls the cursed how’s.

Be well!

Manifesting 101: Letting Go of Attachment

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For me, one of the most difficult aspects of manifesting has been letting go of attachment to the outcome.  Unfortunately, this is one of the more important aspects.  This challenge isn’t a recent one either.  I easily remember being in second grade saying prayers and having the desire for the prayer outcome a very up front and present emotion.

It became a feedback loop as it highlighted the fact the prayer hadn’t been answered.

In my twenties I was exposed to various approaches to manifesting.  

I did a ton of research which included reading books and talking with people I felt were successful.

Regardless of the cultural and/or religious roots of the method, what was consistent was the need to release attachment to the outcome.

You can’t care whether you get what you’re going for or not.

It was counterintuitive to me to not care whether or not you got something you said you wanted and it was nearly impossible in some cases for me to feel calm about some of the stuff I was trying to manifest.

I think the worst was a promotion I was going for that would – and eventually did – change my life, opening up a whole new world of opportunities for me.

As I was getting ready for sleep last night I realized I’d finally come to a point I can release attachment to the outcome.  As I considered the path of how I got here I realized it was strewn with a catch-22’s.  Still, I felt I could provide enough detail that I could share the method so others may put some of it to use in their efforts.

The key is not to “do what I do” because it may not work for you.  It’s to consider where it makes sense to take some of the actions.

Not One Thing.

First, I need to state that it wasn’t one thing that got me to this point so much as putting a number of philosophies in place and taking actions from those philosophies that landed me here.

I still want what I am trying to manifest but I’m more relaxed about it.

It started in 1996 with a trip to Borders Books in Southfield, Michigan.  Specifically, Shakti Gawain’s Creative Visualization Workbook.

This book led to another on the subject, and another, most of which are listed in the Resources section of this site.

Though I tried a number of the techniques I couldn’t master the challenge of releasing attachment of the outcome.  Of course, it could be that many of those early manifestation objectives fell into the Hierarchy of Needs category.

It wasn’t just wanting a promotion it was needing the salary that went with it just to make ends meet.

This challenge went on until I followed advice from a recent read and put shoe-in desires on my list.

Those I was almost positive would manifest and therefore didn’t worry about.

Turns out this was the key to unlocking the gold at the end of that release attachment rainbow.  I listed what I wanted a la It Works peppering in small asks along with larger ones.  I dutifully read over the list per the instructions, including when I needed a reminder everything was going to be alright.

Per the instruction.

I also reread other favorites, being sure to only read those that made me feel good and optimistic.

They gave me hope.

The book at the top of that list is Write It Down Make It Happen.

I then stumbled across a technique that helped propel me that much further along the release attachment path.  

Big and Small.

I was well familiar with acknowledging the wondrous to bring more so it was an easy step to acknowledge the manifestation wins big and small.  This, it turns out, was the critical piece for me because it built confidence and in confidence is the ability to let go of attachment to the outcome.

Confidence is earned through experience and in acknowledging the small manifestations I came to see the wins.

They key is to acknowledge them as wins, not rank them large or small.

As the wins piled up my confidence grew.  The next thing I know, without even thinking about it, emotion associated with a specific line item on my list dissipated.

It isn’t that I don’t care if it happens so much that I have faith that at some point in some form it will.  I don’t need to worry about it!

It’s the lack of worry that allows for release of attachment.

I hope in sharing this perspective others will see where they can put some of it to use in their own manifesting efforts.

Be well!

Manifesting 101: Be Careful What You Wish For

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Note: Longer post.

Be Careful What You Wish For

This maxim has taken on new meaning for me of late.

I love finding fun ways to use my last name in writing…

It all started with my hair.

Note:  I had a very interesting upbringing filled with some very interesting characters including more than one whose perspective and values were questionable.  These people and experiences shaped the events of my life giving me perspective.  I know where I came from and how it shaped me.  If it’s crazy or outrageous I generally – at this point – just roll my eyes. I’m sharing what I believe helpful – in this case – for manifesting.

Like many of my Celtic relatives and ancestors, I’m a towhead.  In my case, not only was my hair very blonde as a child, it was poker straight as it hung down to my waist.

At least it did til the brain surgery when half was shaved off and my dad cut the other half so it would grow in symmetrically.

Around the age of 7 a couple of relatives decided I should perm my hair.

Because, they said, it would make me prettier.

My mom and dad weren’t thrilled with the idea but these relatives cajoled 

One of them threatened

Until they gave in.

Pick and choose your battles was a maxim my father preached even if it fell under the “do as I say not as I do” maxim.

I well remember sitting in the kitchen of one of the relatives and being submitted to the most noxious chemical odors of a home perm in the name of making me prettier.  I’ll admit I did like the perm and the curls.

Until I went to school and was brutally roasted by the other kids for them.

Eventually the perm grew out and I managed to avoid any more until deciding on my own at 13 I wanted one.

The years went by and though I generally styled my hair with the times

Good ol’ 80s mullets

I didn’t think much about perms and curly hair.

Unlike my goofy relative who continued to tell me I would be much prettier if only I had curly hair.**

Your Wish is My Command.

Then a curious thing happened.  

I was working in tech and straight hair a la Michelle Pfeiffer in Tequila Sunrise was all the rage.  I, however, wasn’t sold.  More often than not I just pulled my hair up.  

Hauling round VJ290s and MicroVAXes and crawling around in data centers laying cable and troubleshooting isn’t conducive to much in the way of fancy hair styles.

A Consultant’s Work is Never Done.

It was the Golden Age of Tech and I was living on planes.  

Flying out Sunday or Monday, back Friday or Saturday, then out again Sunday or Monday – for months straight.

Wouldn’t It Be Cool…?

Famous last words.

I loved the movie Tequila Sunrise for a number of reasons, including that it was set in So Cal, a place I loved.  I admired Michelle Pfieffer but didn’t envy her hair.  In point of fact, I thought it really would be cool if I had hair that was curly.

It ran in the family so I knew I could have had it.

Next thing I know I’m living in California.

Job transfer.

You’re Kidding.

Foot Locker thickens the plot.

Needing new tennis shoes I headed to Foothills Mall where I stopped at Foot Locker.

Don’t think it’s there anymore.

As I was checking out, the woman helping me slipped a sample of Pantene shampoo and conditioner into the box.  

When I pointed out it was for curly hair I didn’t have she shrugged and said, “So? It’s free.”

Um, Aaron?  

You aren’t going to believe this…

After towel drying my hair I looked in the mirror to see…

???

Curly hair!

I phoned Aaron and told him the deal.

I couldn’t believe it!  

Could shampoo really make someone’s hair curly?

Something in the Water.

Without going into it, since I already have in a number of books on various aspects, the mineral content in the water released my naturally curly hair.

Whereas calcium in the water in Michigan kept them straight.

What You Wish For.

The water may have unlocked the curl in my hair but it was also contaminated with heavy metals that wreaked havoc with my health and while I’ve addressed that issue I’ve been left with a glaring truth:

When you manifest you have to be prepared for what goes with it.

The positive is I now consider – as fully as I can – what may be involved if I get what I say I want.

I examine, to the best of my ability, the trade-offs.

To a degree we can never know what it’s like until we’ve been there but I believe I’m wiser now about what I aspire to.

I hope by sharing this story others can benefit.

Be well.

** When my hair darkened in my towheaded adolescence this relative kept trying to get me to dye it blonde because – apparently – I was no longer pretty.

Some people and their oddball values.

Manifesting With Symbols

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I’ve had a lot of reflection time over the past weeks and much of what I’ve reflected on has to do – one way or another – with manifesting.

Including manifesting good health.

It was important to me to examine how I manifested what I have – throughout my life – both good and bad, in order to understand what I needed to do to bring new and positive experiences, people, and things into my life.  What stood out most was the sheer number of these things I decided – in childhood – would be cool to have.

I have either achieved them previously or them have currently. 

What also stood out was that after thinking wouldn’t it be cool? – repeatedly over a lengthy timeframe – I let it go.  

Released attachment.

This was generally easier to do because I had other priorities in my life at various times so my attention was turned elsewhere.

The Symbol.

What It Represents.

I came to see that many times a symbol unconciously anchored itself acting as a touchstone for the desire. To illustrate, I’ll provide one of numerous examples.

I’ve given a number of others in previous posts so feel free to browse.

This morning while taking off my shoes after a walk I noticed the entry tile and thought again how amazing it is I have the exact tile that in childhood I thought was cool.

It’s the same type and color that was in the entryway of my maternal grandparents’ home.

I remember asking my parents why we didn’t have the cool tile in our entryway as it would be far easier to keep clean in the winter than carpet.  They were unimpressed and generally ignored my logic.

This time, in addition to the association of the tile with a place I enjoyed visiting while growing up I considered what the tile actually represents.  

What was it I really thought would be cool?  

It had to be more than helping my mom with housework.

Tracking in slushy mud because it was too cold and snowy to leave our boots on the front porch.  There probably “was” a better way but hey – we were kids.

As I looked at the tile I realized it represented all the joy and happiness I associate with visiting my grandparents.

A bit of wisdom too as my grandmother was a wise woman indeed.

I realized what I wanted in my life was more than the tile. I wanted the happy chaos of a large family gathering.

The energy of love, laughter, and a teenage aunt and uncle who never tired of us asking them to play their guitars and sing for us.

The tile was a symbol of what I wanted: love, laughter, a close family who loved and cared for each other even as they never hesitated to tell each other off when appropriate.

We still do which has raised eyebrows to some outsiders but feels so completely normal to me.

I now understand that in the back of my mind that tile was a symbol of experiences, people, and things that were important to me; experiences, people, and things I associated with success.

Not All Created Equal

Throughout my adolescence I brought friends to my grandparents’ to share in the love and chaos.

Many of them didn’t have grandparents as they’d passed away before they even got to know them.  

Not a few came from small families and were somewhat intimidated though quickly settled once they were showered with the love and chaos.

When they were accepted for who they were – the greatest gift of love.

Occasionally I came across someone who, like me, came from a big extended family.  Though they were comfortable enough, I quickly saw that their chaos was different than our chaos.  This made a difference because I wasn’t comfortable around their chaos.

The typical and primary difference was that they were far more reserved which was baffling since I didn’t see how there could be anything but happy chaos in a large family.

A lot of symbolism in that tile.

Very specific energy.

Did I achieve what I sought?  It’s an interesting consideration given I didn’t really understand the nuances of what it was I really wanted let alone what went with the “Wouldn’t it be cool …?”

My life is in flux right now which makes it a difficult question to ponder.  Overall I believe I have what the tile symbolizes though there are significant differences.

My chaos is totally different than the chaos of my grandparents.

As I poured a cup of coffee after my walk I considered that like the tile, the fireplace in my house is a symbol of a success I wanted.

I’ve written about that in previous posts.

Manifesting an object is one thing. Manifesting what the object represents is pure gold.

I hope sharing this story helps others seeking positive experiences, people, and things into their lives.

Be well!

Angles of Perspective

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As part of the evolution of the Sharing Perspective to Share Smiles project I considered various angles from which to go.

Always confident the project would evolve so I didn’t need all the answers right away.

What originally came to mind was to share perspective from the angle of commentary heard over the years, one heard in one form or another since I was a young child.  Rather than repeat the wording I’ll explain the concern.

Older people seemed consistently concerned that knowledge gained from the perspective of experience was being lost because changes associated with “Nuclear Family” and “Latch Key Kids” meant there wasn’t a clear [read traditional] path to transfer the knowledge.

As opposed to book knowledge/education which provides only part of the story.

Even as I heard the concerns I heard others saying the theme was one they too grew up hearing.  What made that interesting was that it was my parents’ generation saying that last while their parents were expressing the concern the knowledge wasn’t being transferred. 

I think a lot of the concern stemmed from wondering “how” that critical knowledge was going to be transferred in an age of change.

I was never particularly passionate about the concern.  It wasn’t anything I worried about because I was busy soaking up stories from those around me.

From all ages and walks of life.

Here’s the thing.  I wasn’t the only one doing so.

I remember many discussions in elementary school where kids would share stories from grandparents, neighbors, their parents’coworkers, many of whom had fought and/or lived through World War II and earlier.

What stands out in memory is the number of questions asked by youth who wanted to learn from someone who had more experience. 

Questions born of respect for that knowledge and experience. 

Experience is Experience.

It isn’t always the older crowd to provide perspective.  I listened avidly to stories teenage aunts and uncles told of first jobs, friendships, romantic relationships.

It wasn’t that, closer to me in age, I better related to them.  They just had a different perspective of the same subjects than older people, which made it interesting.

I also listened to the perspective of neighbors who may have lived in the same area but came from different backgrounds which translated into different perspectives.

Again, I wasn’t the only one.

At this stage of life I’ve heard enough from peers to know the knowledge was not lost.  Not only that, it’s being passed down to generations coming up behind.  

The way of life may be different and the tools of communication may have changed but at the heart people really are people.

Caring and wanting to do the right thing.

I see many examples of younger generations working alongside older to make the world a better place and in each situation there is a transfer of that knowledge.

The filters may change but the motivation – love and caring – remains.

What this means for my project is that what is shared is from a variety of people from different generations and backgrounds, gained while living or traveling in a variety of places.

Always listening and learning.

It’s an exciting angle of perspective I’m happy to share,

Note: The image is an ode to some Old World fishermen who were happy and willing to share their adventures with a curious eighth grader.

Manifesting: Clearing the Path

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As the Sharing Perspective to Share Smiles project evolves a natural rhythm to the posting will too.  In the meantime, I’m sharing perspective as I feel inspired.

The intention is to make a positive difference and there is always someone – if not a lot of someones – who can use positive.

As I look back over the months that led to this moment I’ve come to see the most important action I took when working on manifesting goals was to clear what stood between me and the goal to the best of my ability.

Release!

It’s natural to focus on the people, places, and actions you need in order to obtain goals but what about the inverse?

Yes, sometimes people can be an obstacle.

Chicken or Egg

It’s hard to determine which came first, releasing other people’s ideas of what my career focus should be or purging physical items that acted as messengers cluttering my mind.

In Terah Kathryn Collins’ book The Western Guide to Feng Shui Room by Room she explains the reason items in our visual space chatter at us and stresses the importance of making sure what they’re saying to us is positive.

The two were so intertwined it was hard for me to see which was doing the most good.  What I do know is that it turned into a process that lasted over a year and culminated – from a career perspective – with the decision to focus on the positive and share that positive with the world.

Slow and Steady

I did not put a timeline on the process though I did work to clear physical clutter as soon as I decided what needed to go for the simple reason that each time I passed the reconfigured space I got validation I’d made the right career decision.

Now What?

After the furniture and other items found new homes I gave consideration to the importance of what was next, taking time to “just be.”

Already burned out the last thing I needed was to push myself to take action without enough data.

I spent the early part of 2023 considering what information I needed before making a decision as to what would come next, along with where I might gain that important data.

State of the Union

When a virtual writers workshop popped up on my radar not long after I considered it the answer to a prayer!

The focus of the conference was exactly what I’d been wondering about – What was the state of the traditional writers market from the publishing side of the equation? Had things become friendlier for writers in the era of ebooks?

I knew before attending this was the final piece I needed to go forward with a decision that had been in my head for some time.

It’d been in my heart too but I’d been so inundated by the noise of other people’s thoughts and opinions on the matter, I couldn’t hear it.

The conference speakers were wonderful and I gained a wealth of information.  The kicker?  It only took one slide, shown early on the second day of the 2-day conference, to validate my belief that moving to the Share Perspective to Share Smiles project was the right direction for me.

I invite readers to read the updated Welcome Message.

A bonus was that attending this conference showed I’d achieved goals I set for myself when I started down this path in 2003.

Leaving Corporate to pursue my childhood dream.

The Cost Benefits Analysis.

I’ll admit, considering the cost of the conference in light of validating what I already knew with one slide gave me a twinge of heartburn.

One slide?  Not even the full breakout session.  One slide!

A close friend offered a wonderful spin on it.  He pointed out the cost of the conference was nothing compared to the time and energy – and cost of doing business – I would have lost had I continued on for months or years only to come to the same conclusion.

In other words I got a solid return on my investment.

The weeks after were a flurry of activity.

I’d removed the last bit of doubt and was free to move toward my new goal.

Most of that activity was mental and spiritual as I realigned my identity with my writing.

As I’ve stated, I needed to return to my writing roots.

In terms of actual actions, I spent most of the time releasing anything keeping me from moving forward.

Fear, doubt, regret, or any other fear-based emotions or thoughts that would only act as debris on the path.

I took small steps to align myself with sources of support.

Including Kenneth Wong’s Feeling Good which, like Paulo Cuehlo’s The Alchemist stresses the importance of listening to your inner guide, something I’d lost touch with thanks to all “the noise.”

These steps allowed for more releasing, even as I took other actions that drew more positive energy into the space created by releasing “the noise.”

I’ve referred to this as letting go of that which no longer serves.

It’s an energy intensive process and one needs to be vigilant about staying focused.  At this stage of the journey?  I’ve come to see that taking time to clear obstacles on the path to the goal is equally if not more valuable than getting tools to theoretically speed the journey.

Tools can be helpful but if you’re weighed down by the other, the tools just add more weight which may and likely will hinder your efforts.

My advice for those working to manifest a goal is to see where you can remove hurdles in the way.

Including and especially mental and spiritual hurdles that may be weighing you down.

Manifest Your Supporters Wisely

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A part of the manifesting process I’ve come across frequently is the importance of keeping positive and one of the ways mentioned as frequently is to be sure you are around positive people who can support you in your efforts.

There are a number of philosophies that also suggest not talking about your goals which is a strategy for avoiding negativity when you don’t know your audience or they may not be supportive.

I’ve come up with a different yet effective strategy, one I use not necessarily because I don’t have supportive people around me but because there are times I just need an extra boost of support.

Before I explain I want to give a bit of background perspective.  For as long as I remember I’ve had goals that stood out from those in my community.

  • I lived in a Blue Collar neighborhood but saw myself living better
  • I wanted to gain an education and have a career when those in my community pushed for marriage in lieu of
  • I wanted to travel the world when those around me were happy home bodies
  • I embraced change in the midst of a conservative group of people who were at a different stage of their lives; one that required more stability

Being at odds with those around you can take a toll on your soul.

Not to mention your psyche as you are drawn into seemingly endless discussions wherein you have to defend your position.

Incidentally, the idea for this article came out of an Event Horizon Session I was doing this morning.  As part of the stream of consciousness released, I wrote 

They may speak to my fears but they do not speak to my reality.

I was immediately taken back to my time in tech when our company and region was facing economic turmoil of a signficant magnitude, and how while I spoke of taking risks, many around me – who I considered wiser because of experience – gave grave words arguing against it.

I now see they were in a different place in life than I was and though their advice may have served someone in a smiliar situation, they didn’t serve me.  

Perspective:  I was single and just starting my career whereas they were usually married with kids in high school and/or college, mortgages, and car payments.

Fortunately I was able to deduct that their advice wasn’t helpful for me.  Unfortunately, it led to some serious self-doubt.

I didn’t realize we were speaking from different life situations.

My twisty turny path through life led me far from those consesrvative shores but the need to feel confident in times of uncertainty is just as valid today.

Experience doesn’t fill the gap here.

It doesn’t help that I am still in a place significantly different than of those who might support me.

We may be in a similar geogpraphy or industry but we are at different places in life.

Note: I’m not talking of family and/or friends who are all around loving and supportive. I’m talking about finding support in uncertain times when you might need or want a bit extra.

At times I’ve had to be creative in how I gain my support.  Here are two places from which I draw strength and perspective.

Sports

Watching  Caleb Williams’ Heisman Trophy speech was amazingly inspirational as he detailed the concrete steps taken to reach his goal of playing football.  It reminded me how athletes are an amazing source of such inspiration as many use wonderful strategies to help them achieve their goals and dreams and deal with stress.

The Road Less Traveled

I am – and always have been – fascinated by those who live a life far from standard issue.

People who decide to live at a Research Station in Antarctica or pack up and move to another country.  Or who, like friends of mine, live on a sailing yacht raising a family while traveling the world for work.

Sports 2

A number of recent articles on various aspects of golf were particularly intriguing as they showed that regardless of salary, people are people.

Basically, deciding to do something differently put them out of favor with their peers.  That didn’t feel so good even though they continued on because they had to follow their dreams.

Each of these scenarios helped me see myself as part of a group I admire, as a peer.  

Maybe not one they know personally but one who lives the philosophies they espouse; a philosophy that can propel them through times of self-doubt and uncertainty.

I hope sharing these strategies helps others facing uncertainty and/or self-doubt while going for their goals.

Final Note:  It pays to keep company with those who are positive and supportive so seek them when and where you can and when you can’t – improvise!

And stay tuned for more positive here!

Your goals are waiting!

This Too Shall Pass

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Seeing the jobs report headlines this morning resolved a challenge regarding this new project of Sharing Perspective to Share Smiles.

As I considered various angles from which to go at the content, I’d decided the priority was to remain positive in the messaging while drawing from a life of unique if rich experiences.

I’ve witnessed world events getting feedback through observation and conversation from some interesting and amazing individuals.

While wanting to remain positive is a noble desire it needed to be done in a way that wouldn’t come across as pollyanna-ish.  This is where drawing from experience comes in.  The challenge in that, however, is that experience isn’t always happy or positive.

Even if the outcome is.  

So, how much do you share and how do you keep the spin on the lighter side?

This morning’s jobs report headlines gave me the answer.

One in particular.

From Experience.

One of the best strategies that got me through times of uncertainty was to tap other people’s perspectives.

Perspectives gained through experience.

Not all storms are the same.

Economic Headwinds.

Having grown up in the Metro Detroit Area, I lived through a number of economic downturns.

I remember being in the service station line in the family car during the oh-so-fun oil embargo.

Though I recalled the somber mood and the concerns of various individuals during those days I couldn’t appreciate it the way I do now for the simple fact I was too young to truly understand.

To add complexity there was a family member who had a birds-eye view of the situation which ruffled a number of family feathers, none of which I could, being a kid, understand.

When, as a young adult making my way in the corporate world, I was facing those economic headwinds, simply drawing from childhood memories wasn’t enough to assure me that things would eventually turn around again.  Drawing from the experience of those I was working with- people I trusted who were older – gave me that assurance.

I eagerly listened as they explained how and why challenges unique to the Discrete Manufacturing Industry meant our area was harder hit yet how we consistently came back stronger.

Coping is Investing.

I spent that time not just listening but observing.  What I noted was that a number of the savvier and better-performing consultants spent the time tinkering with new technology.

Hardware and software.

Deciding they knew something, I did the same.  

It paid off.

Not only did it help advance my career, it made me a valuable player so that when those headwinds came around again, I had skills in demand.

Just the Facts, Ma’am.

One of the more valuable skills I developed was the ability to step away from the emotional flashpoints to look at reality.  

I wish I’d known to do it then.

This is a great way to insulate yourself from other people’s drama.

Priceless in terms of reducing stress.

No I Don’t Think So.

Over the past weeks I’ve seen plenty of headlines warning of a recession.

Along with a number that proclaimed if there was one, it wouldn’t be that bad.

I had my own feelings on the matter.

Based on some hard facts.  

Even before the pandemic hit, we were looking at a demographic shift that tilted heavily in favor of the consumer.

The employee.

Not only would there be more jobs than people, it was a trend that would be around for awhile.  The pandemic only exacerbated that.  As a result I was confident that regardless of other factors, we were not looking at the type of economic storm we saw in the early 70s, early 80s, early 90s, etc…

Notice a pattern?

No panic here.

Even when the layoffs – mostly in tech – began, as painful as I knew they were to those directly affected, I understood today’s employment situation meant many of those affected would find new jobs.

A vast difference from what I witnessed in the early 90s when many of my tech colleagues were affected.

At no time did I feel the country was about to relive earlier downturns.

We are in a completely different situation.

When I saw a headline this morning mentioning the January Jobs Report leading a number of individuals to say they no longer feared a recession, I felt a bit vindicated. I hadn’t shared my thoughts beyond a close group of individuals and I certainly didn’t brag but I did draw from prior – if painful – experience.  

Young and inexperienced, I was highly traumatized by the secular headwind fallout of the early 90s.  

I considered how I could pull this together to put out an article that would assure people.

Ease some of the “fear of the unknown” lack of experience can fuel.

We are a nation and a world that continuously looks to the future.

And our place in it.

I believe that, despite alarmist headlines, we can feel good about the situation.

As my grandmother used to say – this [secular headwind] too shall pass.

To brighter days ahead!