MANIFESTING: THE LONG ARC OF COMING TO BE

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Note:  Early version excerpt from upcoming book at the end.

Sitting in a shaded area  getting ready to work on Hollow Shelter and pondering the newest manifestation mystery.  Or pherhaps a better word is conundrum because mystery implies I don’t understand it when I do whereas conundrum – to me at least – conveys I don’t know what to do with it.

If anything I’m a bit apprehensive because of what it means.

It was revealed last night

As I was pulling the curtains closed I happened to glance out the window and while I’ve done that dozens of times in previous months the lighting was just right to illuminate something I hadn’t noticed before.  

I recognized the scene!

Not because I’d seen it before but because I remembered it – from a movie.

One I saw in childhood while living in Florida.

It isn’t that any movies were filmed here that made it so familiar.  It was that I remember seeing a similar image

A grouping of houses similar in design to what I viewed last night

while watching a movie and thinking – I was 13 at the time – “Wouldn’t it be cool to live in a place like that?”

I can answer my former self since I’m living in one just like it.

I’ve written previously how many of the more dramatic manifestions in my life are tied to a time when I said “Wouldn’t that be cool if -?”  What makes this one startling is that I said those words as a kid and it still came true!

I meant it too – I thought the neighborhood in the movie – the houses and the quiet street – would be so cool to live in.

What makes this one different from the up north Michigan thought from earlier childhood is that that was more generic wheras this is far more specific and tied to details of lifestyle.

I considered the type of families who lived in such a neighborhood and what day to day life would be like.

And Now?

Is it what I hoped for?

A Point in Time

As someone who has moved around the country and traveled the world I have a pretty good idea what I like and don’t like in a neighborhood and much of it is dependent on where I am at a given point in time.

What’s going on in my life that will make or break a location.

I considered as I lay in bed whether or not my experience matches up to what I envisioned when I was watching the movie.  

Yes and No

I concluded it’s a lot like being on the outside and looking in.

Like I felt when watching the movie.

That’s because what I wanted out of a neighborhood when I was 13 and living surrounded by retirees

Almost no kids.

is a lot different than what I would want now.

Even as it’s the same.

Clear as mud right?

If you think about it needs and wants can be the same in a general sense across multiple generations.  Things like safety, walkability, close to services are on the lists of multiple generations looking for their ideal place to call home.  While I appreciate the basic characteristics that fit the childhood wish I no longer need some of them.

Why feel apprehensive?

It makes me wonder what else I said in childhood that may end up manifesting.

I can’t imagine wanting it now though the previous two weren’t bad.

The concern – that I may end up with something I no longer want – brought to mind a conversation I had with The Dude about six years ago wherein I expressed my frustration that by the time I get certain things I may not need or want them any longer.

This conversation led to the solving of the equation something I will be covering on the other site when I repost pages to do with the enigmatic being.

While I’m not going to worry – too much – about what else I might have wished for that may find itself in my future I will consider ways to master the key to it all

Releasing attachment to the outcome.

Which, since we are out of the way energetically speaking, enables the universe to provide what is best in the best way with the best timing.

Yes, I thought it would be cool to live in such a neighborhood, just as I thought while watching Desperately Seeking Susan in high school it would be cool to live in a loft but in neither case – though I got both – did I really care enough about getting it to set out with it as an objective.

I know detachment is key to manifesting and I know for myself every time I’ve said “Wouldn’t it be cool if -?” I had that detachment.  That doesn’t mean I can fool myself or the universe by saying those magic words.  It’s the detachment that’s key and for me that can’t be faked.

I know this much.  The process and steps involved with manifesting or bringing a goal to life are fascianating.

Right up my I love learning alley!

Book excerpt

This is from an early version of Hollow Shelter

I have about 30 pages now

Rock guitarist Clint Malek came to an abrupt halt.  He hadn’t expected anyone to be at the park.  Most everyone who would have been tempted to sit on the bench bearing the name of the donors who made it possible was at the regional playoffs rooting for the home team.  He was about to turn back the way he’d come when he caught the expression the woman was wearing, ID’d the emotion driving it.  

Despair.  

It’d been years since he’d seen painful confusion looking back in the mirror but not so many he didn’t recall wishing for someone to talk with at such dark moments.  The least he could do was offer.

Hollow Shelter will be available in the coming months.

Stay tuned

WRITING WAVES ARE CREATIVE WATERS

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Note: Long

Listening to the playlist for the upcoming Hollow Shelter which got two additional tunes, one of which I’d never heard before watching The Batman last night.

Something in the Way by Nirvana.

When I heard it my mind I tuned the movie out for a moment as I thought “Wow, that would be cool for this upcoming book…”

In spite of having a dream about alligators I woke up feeling pretty good and ready to make what I consider progress writing.

I was washing them down a shower drain with a hose.  Go figure.

But First – A Message From Our Sponsor

Mother Nature

I didn’t just jump into the situation because I needed to consider the impact of intense heat on my ability to work on a novel.

Heat can be distracting.

We have no AC so these times of year when the heat goes up and the breeze disappears?  Not fun.

At least this year I wasn’t forced to shut every window because of fire smoke from California, Oregon, Canada, and Western Washington blowing ash into the air.

I didn’t grow up having AC.

Or a dishwasher.  

Oh wait – we did.  

Me.

Aware of the parameters, I needed to consider my rhythm relative to the arc of increasing then decreasing heat and the likelihood I would be ready to put fingers to keyboard before it got distractingly hot.

Odds weren’t looking good.

I made the best of it which means What’s quick and easy?

Low hanging fruit

The White Board!

I hate lists and don’t technically need them other than to act as nags to get to stuff I’d rather not do.

At the top of the board?

The Dude

Followed by The Store and Marketing – which I also detest.  

It was so much easier working for a corporation that had a Marketing Department.  

Then again, maybe not since 1/2 to 3/4 of my job was explaining to customers why their pie-in-the-sky slide whipping failed because it didn’t include the fine print.

At the bottom of the list is LOGO

How the heck do you create one that does justice to who you are?

Designing a web presence that encompasses all the facets of me is like trying to write a resume that includes life experiences on top of education and work experience that includes being quick enough to dodge male babies ready to get me when changing a diaper at 11.

At least his mom – my aunt – warned me.

I guess I could put that one in with the fact I had a rocket arm that put me in the outfield after I refused to play 1st yet could get the ball and get it to 3rd or home in time to get them out.  

But…

Where would that fit in corporate?  Running to the copy machine and back?  Tossing useless paperwork on a desk with enough force to cause a minor quake?

Been there done that useless Office Space gig

Context

I’ve held a number of jobs throughout the years including working in HR before taking an administrative position that got my foot in the door and in line for becoming a technical consultant.  

With being a tech writer a brilliant segue.

When my boss told me I only got a 2% raise in spite of an outstanding performance review and doing way more than what was in my job classification – because of my job classification?  I asked her what I needed to do to change the classification so it reflected what I did.

So I would get appropriate compensation.

Years and a hell of a lot of hard work including – I kid you not – 80 hour workweeks – later – I succeeded.

How the heck do you get that translated into a website presence?

Not even considering the Destination Unknown topic…or Metatron’s Army…

Ahhhhh the Dude…

So – at the top of the White Board…

As I wrote in the blog post for metatronsarmy.com I needed to sort a few things out before deciding how I would proceed with this part of the web presence.

Talked it over with someone the other night to make sure I wasn’t missing anything in my logic.

While that alone could have fulfilled my definition of having accomplished something I needed more.

This is me.

I added the two songs – of which the Nirvana one is one – then listened thinking maybe I would be inspired to get to Hollow Shelter.

Kind of knew better but it was worth a try…

And then I saw those orange sticky notes.  Not ready to throw in the towel and work on that blog post I considered the chaos in front of me

Chaos I can easily sort out since it would only be chaos to the untrained – aka not a writer – eye.

Not ready to move on because I had unfinished business of a creative and thus esoteric nature I took time to have a conversation with a friend about lessons learned from emptying the damn basket.

That landed me in other people’s cesspits

For months

Damn it…

As I was wrapping up the 15 minute conversation I smiled because I knew everything was as it should be.

Even if I could have done without the doo-doo bath.

The previous 24 hours showed me the creative process I’ve employed throughout my life – serious multi-tasking** combined with ignoring idiots – is working beautifully.

Ignoring Idiots?

I’ll give two examples

I was 8

I was never a fan of cooked spinach.

I like it now.

One evening when I was in 3rd grade my mom served a side of it.  I ate everything on the plate but the spinach.  Dad was not impressed.

I didn’t care.

I looked at my mom and asked why she made it if she knew we didn’t like it.

She is not the idiot here. She told me it was nutritious and even Popeye liked it.

My younger brother’s answer

He was watching – likely taking notes what not to do

Smother everything in ketchup and swallow it down.

I didn’t like catsup at that point.

Yes I spelled it differently on purpose…

My dad started riding me about it. I told him “I eat tons of vegetables including lima beans and brussels sprouts.”

Wasn’t that good enough? I mean come on – brussels sprouts? LIMA BEANS?

  “I won’t eat spinach and you can’t make me.”

Oooh challenging someone who hasn’t quite figured out I was dead serious.

Initially amused he quickly realized I was.  

I wonder if it was my mom’s expression of “What are you going to do now and oh by the way I need to deal with this all the time” ?

I wasn’t going to eat that glop on the plate.

He tried guilt.

“There are kids starving somewhere…”

Having heard the same from nuns who stole my lunch money to give to kids in some other country when – my family was super poor – I needed that milk

Aka -I wasn’t impressed – and told him so.

After he quit yelling at my mom because the nuns were taking my lunch money to give it to something called pagan babies he pointed and told me to eat.

“No.”

He then threatened to send me to my room.

Never threaten a creative

Picking up my glass of milk I said “With pleasure!” as I dumped it on my plate, stood up and went to my room where I proceeded to write a story.

Acting it out as – being a kid – I wasn’t afraid of playing house.

I don’t know if my dad was disgusted with me for not caring, for the fact guilt didn’t work when it probably had with him when he was in Catholic school, or that he couldn’t throttle me without risk of killing me

As he almost did with my mother once-upon-a-time

thus idiot…

All I know is he yanked open the door and ordered me to leave the house and get lost somewhere he didn’t have to see me.

Typical night…

I was 26

Up Front

I need to reiterate my path through life has been unconventional.

Understatement.

Something certain managers in the Corporate Black Hole years didn’t seem to grasp.

At one point along the path of working for a company that had 145K employees when I started and 39 when I quit a manager advised me to take a roll on a project.

A project I knew from a guy who was on it – a guy I was dating – was going up in flames.

I already had a job in California though I hadn’t yet enlightened him.  Knowing not to burn bridges I smiled 

Can’t say it wasn’t an evil smile

I told him that I was looking to the future

Hey – I had a life vest

I gave him a number of examples only some of which had been supplied by the guy I was dating – unbeknownst to the manager – as to why this project was the Titanic

He pointed to the door and yelled at me to get out

With pleasure

Which I did – to California

It was a huge promotion complete with increased responsibilities and – finally – compensation

Riding the Writing Waves

Aka as I was writing this afternoon

After lunch while listening to Nirvana

Feeling the energy going into the post I got the image of waves and my own self riding them

Bobbing in the Creative waters

Warm waters of love that won’t let you drown

Just another facet of my creative stamp on the world

Serious Multi-tasking?

Dead serious

** I grew up in a family where Sunday dinners at Grandma’s house involved at least 30 people

Usually 50 or more

Multiple generations not all of whom were family but all deserving of Highland Hospitality

My maternal grandpa’s words for “There’s always room for one more/there’s always someone worse off than you.”

I needed to keep on my toes to maintain all those conversations while holding babies – at 8 years of age – and helping 4 and 5 year-old younger cousins get food to give their parents a break while answering adult questions – including from people in from out of town who were 2 and 3 generations removed

I was told to respect them even if I had no idea who they were and thought they wore too much perfume/cologne and dressed funny.

Well, except for the ones who had the good sense to show up in a kilt.

Questions Questions – from Strangers

Was I doing well in school?

Yes

Was I obeying the nuns?

You’re kidding right?

How do you express that on a website?

Even two

IN THE DARK REACH FOR THE TORCH [OF HOPE & PAST SUCCESS]

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Like so many I was going along merrily when the pandemic knocked me off the path and when I stood up I saw the path was gone.  As someone who remembers the Hong Kong flu and SARS I,  I knew we were in for it.

I was young with the Hong Kong flu but it made quite the impression given both my parents got it and my brother and I were shipped off to grandparents for duration.

I initially channeled the frustration into writing.

I wrote five books in about that many weeks!

After that was done – we were about a year in – I turned back to the washed out path and tried to decide what I was going to do with it. As someone who has had to rebuild my life a number of times when plans went sideways I felt confident I could figure something out. 

That tenacity incidentally is how I figured out the whole EMF Sensitivity fiasco!

The devastation went much further along that path than I imagined.  I did my best to continue focusing on what I could control.

Writing.

It was working and likely would have continued to work had multiple outside stressors not popped up.

Including extended isolation.

Incredibly frustrated I reached out to a friend via email to get his take on turning focus to more positive energies.  He had some good words for me to contemplate but it was in thinking them over later that I found my answer. It wasn’t what he suggested that led me to this place but the idea that I didn’t want to let him down.  I didn’t want to be one of those people who “dumps and runs.”

Tells you every bad thing and then you don’t hear from them again until months or years later when they say “Oh, that?  Oh that’s not a problem anymore…”

It isn’t that I regularly tap him or anyone and in fact my mom and I are both people who deliberately isolate ourselves and don’t communicate when things are rough for the simple fact we don’t want to spread negativity.

I can always tell when things aren’t going well for her because I won’t hear anything.  Ha ha.

For me to have reached out like that meant I was in a pickle in terms of knowing what to do and that he took the time to give me his thoughts on life?  I didn’t want to let him down.

I also didn’t want to spread fake cheer so I resolved not to respond to his email until I had something genuine to report. 

Today was that day.

I’m going to share how I pulled myself out of the funk because it might help others going through tough times.

From the email:

…But – college can’t teach you how to recreate your life when a pandemic wipes out the path you were on.  That has been a lot of the trouble.  Two years in I am beyond fatigued.  Which is why I am determined to create something new.

To that end I gave it a lot of thought and decided a decent place to start was to go back to when I was in a bad spot in my life eons ago and do now what I did then.

Visualization and meditation.

I have a unique way to do meditation because it dovetails prayer of thanks for family, friends, health, etc.  Then moves along a guided path that I had luck with in the mid 90s which were not happy times for me.  

I refer to them as the Corporate Black Hole years.

So far so good and I’m getting some interesting results.  I am having more vivid dreams than I did and I’m definitely sleeping better.

Psychic dreams!

I don’t have an end vision per se but just going through the familiar practice and following where it goes is having a positive impact.  It probably helps that I had a very positive outcome the last time I used this. 

 I really turned my life around.

End of Email Inclusion

I do not have a specific vision that I am moving toward so much as just going through the relaxation/visualization/meditation process I developed years ago.  It’s a kluge of Dr. Taub’s guided meditation script that I’ve modified combined with Silva’s Long Relax, and a bit of Fairlyland City from Robert Stone’s Celestial 911.

This is more or less the same kluge I began in 1996 after stumbling on Shakti Gawain’s Creative Visualization Workbook.

Which inspired me to follow an internal nudge to go to a different Border’s Books where I found Celestial 911 which listed the Silva Method as a resource which sent me to the BLS in Akron, Ohio, which…

I bought the Dr. Taub health pack at a party hosted by one of my aunts.

I’ve never looked back.  I even have them on Mp3 – they are that helpful!

I’ve loaned the casettes to others over the years when they were going through a rough spot.

Every one of them got good results.

I donated them about a year ago.

Feeling Better

I’m not sure which is responsible for the quick improvement – the process or the fact I had great success with it before.

In the Silva Method we learn to review previous successes as a way to “prime” the unconscious for continued success.

What I do know is that within days of doing this very unique kluge I’m feeling better and more optimistic than a week ago.

And yet nothing in the observable world has changed.

I know my friend is equally frustrated with the way life went sideways so I suggested if there were any old tools in his arsenal – a flashlight to light the way – he repurpose them.

It is advice I’m putting out in general.

Be well!

MANIFESTING: WOULDN’T IT BE COOL?

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I was sitting on my porch the other night admiring the gradient changes in a twilight sky and thinking how lucky I was to have such a view.  I took a deep breath appreciating the ability to breathe clean air when I was hit with the realzation I was living a wish fulfilled.  Though I’ve had a number of manifestation successes in my life, this one is interesting in that

  • I made the wish when I was 7
  • I shared the wish with someone who immediately told me how impractical it was
  • I forgot about it
  • I never did one conscious thing to make it happen

Origin of a Wish

When I was a kid we lived about 11 miles as the crow flies from the River Rouge plant.  Each summer we would go camping on Lake Huron.

We genereally went to the Oscoda area but sometimes we’d go further north.

One of my favorite things to do was stand on the beach at evening twilight and stare up at a sky filled with stars.

A number of factors including light pollution meant this wasn’t possible at home.

I also loved walking through the woods with my dad.

I love trees and the fresh air was wonderful.

The summer I was 7 I told my dad it would be cool to live up north.

So we could enjoy beautiful twilight skies and fresh air all year long.

He told me it wasn’t practical.

Because of the economy.

He explained that a tourist economy meant those living in that area faced a lot of financial adversity.

I didn’t need to hear any more.

We were already poor.

I let go of the wish.

Though not the desire to have the benefits of the wish, beautiful twilight skies and fresh air to breathe.

This morning as I again considered the irony of this particular wish fulfilled I came to realze a number of my manifestation successes have something in common.  They almost always start with a specific phrase.

Wouldn’t It Be Cool?

In high school I went with a friend to see Desperately Seeking Susan.  As I sat in the theatre watching the scene where Aidan Quinn and Rosanna Arquette  are on the roof of the loft talking I thought Wouldn’t it be cool to live in a loft in an urban area like that?

It was a fleeting thought.

Though one I repeated – out loud – several years later to a different friend while we were watching the movie on cable.

Other than the brief repeat I didn’t give it any more thought.

I did nothing to make it happen.

Approximately ten years later I found myself living that life not because I consciously set my sights to living in an urban loft but because it just unfolded that way.

Even then I knew something was up.

Too much of a coincidence as it was too close to my high school vision.

By the time we were living in Fort Collins, Colorado I’d figured out that every time I uttered those words…Wouldn’t it Be Cool?  I got the wish.

Just one problem.

It can’t be forced!

Manifestation gurus would likely explain the process – saying Wouldn’t it be cool? then letting it go – is the detachment necessary to bring something to be and they’d be right.  Unfortunately, I can’t force the detachment.  When it comes to my successes using this phrase?  Every time I’ve uttered those words it was done with a negligent shrug.  

There was no emotional attachment to an outcome.

To this day I am unable to fake the detachment.

I can say the words but my unconscious mind is smart.  It knows when I’m saying the words but failing in the detachment part.

Fortunately, I’ve a number of other options for manifestation.  Given the unique nature of the success stories I will include them here.

So others can give them a try if they wish.

The Ideal Scene

In 1996 during a challenging part of my life  I bought Shakti Gawain’s Creative Visualization Workbook.

I’d never heard of visualization or manifestation.

The book was on a table at the front of Border’s Books where I’d gone to find something to distract myself from my troubles.

Though I diligently completed each exercise it was The Ideal Scene I was most intrigued by.

Maybe because I’m a writer?

I wrote out details for my ideal relationship, following the rules about not being too specific yet putting in details that were important.  Then I put the book aside.

Never looked at it again.

Several years later while unpacking a box in the living room of our Downtown San Francisco loft I pulled out the workbook.

I’d forgotten about it.

I’d packed it in a box of books and other items I’d been moving around the country.

As I read what I wrote – in pencil – in The Ideal Scene – I got a big smile.  I’d married the man I wrote as being ideal for me.

The way I described him in that letter was more or less a perfect match for how I would have described him that day.

Encouraged by the success I used that technique to manifest the house we bought after the loft and while I was again successful I learned a big lesson.

Be exact in your wording.

When writing the Ideal Scene about the house I wanted for our family I described the number of rooms and bathrooms – that it had wood floors and a fireplace – the yard, nice neighbors, safe, etc. and yes I got everything exact.  What was missing?  I didn’t put in the style of house.

I would have preferred something other than a ranch.

Alas, this is another method that is apparently tied to detachment.

A detachment I can’t fake.

I let go of that particular process for manifesting when we were living in Fort Collins.

A Picture Worth a 1000 Words

We were living in Scottsdale and trying to determine our next move.

We always knew it would be a temporary place where we could regroup after the horrific fallout from the EMF Sensitivity nightmare.

We could move pretty much anywhere we wanted.

We were split between New England and So Cal.

We had a number of options before us.  

Too many options.

After months of attempting to come to a decision I decided to shove the location question aside and focus instead on the type of dwelling I wanted.  One thing was clear.  I desperately missed living in a city.

I couldn’t stand living in a suburb – something I’d never experienced growing up.

Stupid HOA rules and incredible boredom.

I found a cool picture of a couple dancing in their urban loft.

It was an advertisement for the building.

Uncertain of a location at this point I also cut out a picture of a cool house.

It was a view of part of the inside.

Completely different it had a bit of a New England fishing town vibe.

Time passed and we eventually decided on So Cal, moving to an urban loft after touring the gorgeous housing area to the north left me feeling nauseated.

I explained to Aaron my heart would always be in Downtown San Diego.

I needed the freedom and energy of the urban life.

Memories of subdivisions and HOA stuff left me feeling ill.

And then…

Eventually thanks to the twists and turns so common in my life I found myself in the Pacific Northwest.  One afternoon while at my desk I looked up to realize I was looking at the other photo from Scottsdale.

Everything was exact, including the color of paint on the wall.

A color that was here when we moved in.

What stood out about this particular manifestation success is that I didn’t consciously create it.

I didn’t consciously create either one of the options yet got both.

I’d been torn between the two to the degree I got pictures of each and though they were on my desk in AZ, I put them out of my mind.

I see the connection in all of these successes is detachment.  What’s interesting is that the detachment happened differently in each case.

Showing there’s more than one way to skin a wish.

In concluding I will list my favorite books on manifesting.

They light my optimism when I’m feeling down or stuck in neutral.

LET WALKING DO THE IMAGINATION

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I’m thoroughly enjoying the Metatron’s Army reboot project.  It not only gives me insight into how my writing style has evolved, it gives me a chance to check whether the plans I have for future books in this series make sense.

I’m happy to say they do!

I’ll admit it was frustrating to discover errors I’d corrected previously had somehow wound up in the versions that were published.  

I even lost an entire section I’d added.

I’m still in the process of investigating how the sync’ing error happened.

Rereading has provided insight into my creative process, albeit primarily with respect to this series.  Many scenes bring back memories of where I was and what I was doing while coming up with them.  

Good memories.

Several have one thing in common:  I was walking while creating.

A number of the scenes were created while I was on a treadmill, going as far back as 1998 living in Michigan. Others were done while I walked outside.

Especially at the Cranbrook Institute which inspired more than one scene in the MA series.

As I thought over the various places I’ve lived and walked I realized that a number of my non-Metatron’s Army projects came about while I was walking.

After moving to the west, most of that walking was done outdoors.

  • The Kerry’s Game/Psi Adventure Series was conceived while I was living downtown San Francisco

Though much of the secondary location – AZ – was inspired from when I lived in Scottsdale and would drive to Tucson for research and pleasure.

  • Soothsayer was conceived while I walked in triple digit temps during a Scottsdale summer.

Though I published Port in a Storm first, that book was conceived years later,  while people watching at KEXP in Seattle.

  • Mirror was conceived on a walk along the Embarcadero in San Diego.

Though the idea for the Ghost Games series – of which Mirror was originally the first – was planted as I was walking down the stairwell of the building I was living in Downtown San Diego.

It’s been a long time since I’ve used walking as a way to stimulate creativity.

I’d swapped to playing Free Cell as it put me in a meditative state ideal for incubating projects.  Having uninstalled it several weeks ago, however, I see the need to reconsider walking.

It isn’t as critical to this current reboot project but it will certainly help as I move forward with the next.

Especially as I’ve resolved the question of Prologue V. Chapter One!

But first things first, an enjoyable memory walk through the process of creating.

Have a great weekend!

BRINGING LIFE TO THE WRITER

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Note:  This post is lengthy.

Listening to UltraVox’s A Friend I Call Desire and working on a fiction project.

Also working on Project Happy.

Andddd….

Making my way through that basket.  

I have work to do!  I need to get some of the crap in there out.

Thanks to a series of events, one leading to the next, I had a very helpful flash of insight.

While listening to the playlist I created for the nonfiction project and staring, more or less unfocused, at a very cool image in my workspace.

I wrote previously that I no longer have Free Cell at my disposal – the MacOS doesn’t like it.

Or would that be the universe telling me to ditch it because it’s a crutch I no longer need?

Tired of having my system lock up because of it I just deinstalled the game.

That it locked up while I was working on my manuscripts?  A message I think.

I tried other Free Cell games from the app store but they all resulted in the system locking up.

Always while I was in MS Word working on a book.

I have not had one problem since de-installing the game.

Message received.

The insight was accompanied by a wonderful feeling; a feeling that immediately mapped to an image, from when I was with my dad in So Cal.

Both when I was a teen after my parents divorced (Downey, CA) and then later (Norwalk, CA) when I visited while waiting for my Sunnyvale Apartment to be ready to move into.

What each of those times have in common, along with a third non-California image, are that I was incredibly prolific in fiction.

I kicked out books in weeks while staying with him.  That second time?  I finished a book I’d been working on for years but had set aside – in a week.

Obviously, there’s something about the place.

That was the point.

Something I will be writing about in the upcoming nonfiction project.

Hint:  It has to do with geologic EMFs.

There’s a point to this.

Understanding I was being given important information I focused on that wonderful feeling.

Specifically, why had it been so long since I’ve felt it?

Fortunately, in remembering it I was able to feel it again.  

It means I’m capable still.  The potential hasn’t been ripped out – by life.

Deep diving into what happened between then and now I came to see that certain events – and the individuals behind them – put a serious dent in my dreams.

These events happened in my early 20s; some during the Corporate Black Hole era.

Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing.

There’s a scene in Metatron’s Legacy, one character talking with another:

“And the Iconoclast took advantage of that fear, crushed your hope by playing into it.  He crushed your dreams by exploiting your fear.  That’s what evil does, exploits your dreams, turns them against you, convinces you they can never come to be even as they lie and tell you they will help you make them happen.”

I was able to write this scene because I’m all too familiar with the elements in it, having been on the receiving end of it both in and out of the Corporate Black Hole.

I had more dreams than just being a successful fiction writer.

This issue was sitting in the basket, not too far from the bottom.  It’s an item I didn’t realize was taking up so much space though I was aware of it.

I  knew someday I’d have to address it.

Knowing the what isn’t the same as knowing how.

Though I have a couple of ideas.  More music?  Definitely.

Not Alone.

It helps that I don’t have to pull this off on my own.

The universe obviously wanted me to deal with the crap in the basket that isn’t mine. 

A number of random recent emails and/or texts have been tools to deal with the situation.

It isn’t just friends.

Readers have been in my corner as well, something I am truly grateful for.

Patience and understanding with all those web changes?  Switchbacks as I make my way forward?

Ironic – as I’m writing this? The lyrics “…but I’ll never betray your trust…” from Angel Mine by the Cowboy Junkies are coming over the headphones.  It is trust between writer and reader.

Something I’ve worked not to betray.

To give you an idea how eclectic this particular list is, I’m now listening to Army of Me by Bjork.

I also have Cracker, Blue Oyster Cult, Breaking Benjamin, Gary Numan, and Ultravox on this particular list.

This item is one of the slimier icky things in the basket.

With roots that spiderwebbed their way into other items also in the basket.

It’ll take a bit of finesse to deal with it.

The Plan.

A big part of the resolution is simply emptying the basket of what isn’t mine.  For the most part this consists of labels, judgments, and/or other items that do not properly reflect reality.

Deepak Chopra does an excellent job articulating this concept when he writes about how so many labels are put on us like so many coats on a rack. 

It directly ties into the challenge of how I organize my writing, both with genre and on the website.

How do I do justice to all the facets of me as a writer?

Where did this come from?

Well…

It was in the basket.

Why now?

Several months ago I made a Feng Shui tweak that set this all in motion.

And my head’s been spinning ever since.

And now?

The plan is to keep going forward.  I have a lot of projects in various states of completion.  My objective?  Get them completed!

Where do I put this?

That’s the question, isn’t it?

Still.

I have a couple of ideas I’m tossing around.  In order to give them context I need to reprint a nonfiction book I’d pulled.

Because I couldn’t figure out where to put it in the catalogue!

It’s a book on surviving child abuse.

I remember, all too well, the giant silence after I released it in 2013.

The Silent Ones.

I was so unnerved by the cosmic silence that Aaron made a point to use science to help out.

He explained that it was simply a case of action/reaction.  I’d sent energy into the universe.  It took time for the reaction.

He also explained that though people may not comment, it didn’t mean they had a negative reaction.

He called them the Silent Ones.

It helped me get through those early weeks when there was nothing but silence, though a few people did reach out in support, including one guy who said, “You let them off easy.”

I told him, “Yeah, well there are a lot of innocents who have nothing to do with this and I don’t want them pulled into it.”

I also didn’t want to feed the ghouls who gorge on this kind of drama.

I still don’t but I have a plan.

What Else?

I’m still working!

I wrote scripts today for videos providing insight into the writing of Dragon Core and Metatron’s Army.  They will be available soon.

Stay tuned.

BRINGING A STORY TO LIFE: CONTAGIOUS JOY

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Note:  This article is a nod to the couple at the Hella Mega tour whose energy was infectious and inspiring!

After weeks of almost nonstop work I was looking forward to getting a break at the Hella Mega show.  

The weather was perfect, the atmosphere around the stadium mellow yet festive, the bands way cool.

It turns out the show was not only an opportunity to relax, it was a chance to confirm a few facts.

In other words, work.

As I’m in the process of releasing a book that’s part of the World of EMF it makes sense that at least part of my focus was on how I was feeling in a stadium filled with technology.  As I sat listening to Wheezer, looking up at a blue sky, I realized I felt completely 100% normal for the first time in I don’t remember.

The psychological toll EMF Sensitivity can take on a person means that even after physical symptoms are gone there’s a bit of PTSD to deal with.

I looked around at the sheer number of cell phones, the stage setup, thought of all the tech at the food and beverage stands and the fact that being in downtown Seattle, I was exposed to a lot of WiFi including 5G,  And yet I felt totally fine.

Rather than return to my seat after eating I decided to enjoy the show from a higher perch where I could do some people watching.

One of a writer’s favorite activities.

I took in the energy of the place, the ages of the fans, noting how many cross-generational groups there were and how cool that was in terms of bringing people together for fun.  

Sanity Check.  Though I’d been enjoying myself I kept taking an internal pulse as if I couldn’t believe how good and how normal I felt.  Recognizing this might become a bit too distracting and I’d actually stop enjoying myself if I wasn’t careful I tried to redirect my focus to just enjoying the music.

Health Check.  The sun hadn’t even set when the stadium became filled with thousands of cell phone lights.  Unfortunately, as cool as it was, it was a reminder that there was a time not long ago I couldn’t have been in such an environment without being sick. 

The thought definitely distracted me from the show.

After acknowledging this truth I again confirmed I felt completely fine and tried to redirect my focus to the music.

Fun Check.  Well the universe must have been listening because the next thing I know my focus was on the most enthusiastic couple I have seen in decades.  

Not since the H. O. R. D. E. Festival at Pine Knob.

Standing not far from me they  held hands while they danced, periodically looking at each other with smiles that rivaled the cell phones in lighting up the space.  

The joy just spilled out of them.

Reality Check.  A most interesting thing happened.  Like with the cell phone lights, seeing their energy and enthusiasm, their pure joy at being alive and being together – connected to the joy of thousands of others – I again became aware of how normal I felt only this time instead of bringing my focus back to EMF Sensitivity it took me to  that same joy.

The joy of being connected to thousands gathered for fun, the joy of being connected to happiness.

With that energy going through me I saw the musicians in a new light, taking in not only the energy with which they moved around the stage but the happiness they radiated.

They were very happy to be there.

I then noted the happiness of the stadium guy standing at the top of the aisle where my seat was, of the woman who poured a cabernet for me, of the couples sitting at the tables throughout the Club Level where I was standing.

The couple continued dancing, smiling, sharing their joy with any and all who might be close enough to see them.

Trust me, it was contagious.  I saw lots and lots of smiles after people caught sight of them.

In addition to feeling the happiness I was treated to another bonus being near them, inspiration. 

A creative’s best friend.

Not one to miss an opportunity to write I pulled out my phone and typed notes that will find their way into an upcoming Port Gallatan story.  Just like the World of EMF and the Hella Mega experience, it will be a story with a happy ending.

Stay tuned.

As a result of new information gained by going to the concert I will be adding content to the upcoming book Ignoring the Rules: An Intriguing Approach to Resolving Calcium Toxicity. This will push the release date.

BRINGING A STORY TO LIFE: SOURCE

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Enjoying a bit of peace and quiet and a much cooler morning.  It got so hot during our heat wave that our food processor bowl melted while in use.  The round area that has the blade come through is now oblong. 

 I loved hearing Aaron say, “Oh, that’s why it sounded so funny.”

I was listening to music through headphones at the time and missed all that audio fun.  Thankfully, we live in a time when you can get replacement parts easily; you don’t have to buy an entirely new appliance.

As I listen to the sounds of the morning which include enough wildlife I sometimes feel I live in a zoo, I’m mentally sorting through projects in the queue.   It isn’t just that there are a number of possibilities it’s the order in which they should be done. 

Temporal Awareness.  At the start of the pandemic shutdown I wrote about what it felt like having my temporal awareness turned on its ear.  

As someone who already worked from home the inability to have any contact with the outside world for months on end was surreal.

I channeled that frustration into writing making it one of the more prolific times of my writing career.

I finished Beacon, Rainmaker, Mirror, and Redemption among other projects in a span of about three months. 

It came at a cost.

Burnout.

I know that work burnout was a common problem during the pandemic.  I read several articles in which people talked about the effects of being shut in or – if they couldn’t work from home – being completely overwhelmed.  And yet I couldn’t relate.

Career burnout wasn’t my burnout.

It took until yesterday to understand that my burnout was related but different.  It wasn’t career burnout so much as life burnout. 

 As someone who has worked from home for twenty-seven years, other than a period of incredible productivity, it wasn’t my career that was impacted.

Outside acknowledging the challenges of going from minimal outside interaction to none, I never considered the impact of total lockdown on my life outside my career.

Work Front and Center.  There was a cost to the constant attention on work from home in our community and in the world.  It hid the impact of what was happening outside that construct.

When you’re so busy focusing on making something work you can miss all the areas of your life that are being starved of critical energy.

 Missing the Signs.  Because my productivity  was not negatively impacted  I missed warning signs that not all was well.  Or, if I did sense something wrong I simply channeled it into my work, exacerbating the problem.

Open Is Closed.  Regardless of the state of the states I still work from home.  Thanks to the delta variant and other unknowns it’s business as usual as far as the pandemic is concerned.

Masks, social distancing, and good health habits.

This lack of real change and the knowledge that it will likely remain so for the foreseeable future had me turning to my de facto approach, writing.

Excuse Me.  An interesting thing happened.  Somehow the message from the nonwork areas of my life that were suffering got to the productivity camp and, as you can predict, everything shut down.

Few things cause panic for an author.  Writer’s block is one of them.

Because my attention was on the impact to my productivity I missed that the symptoms had nothing to do with writing.

There was no writer’s block.

Ignoring the symptoms since I didn’t map them to nonwork issues, I continued focusing on my career.

It never occurred to me it was soul burnout related to the pandemic.

Meet Me Halfway.  Apparently, my higher self has a clue.  It figured out I’m going to double down on the creative outlet as a coping mechanism – something I’ve done my whole life – so it plugged into that part of the energy spectrum.  This led to a series of “coincidences” that got the message through.

That while my body and mind were doing just fine, my spiritual health was in need of some serious TLC.

The Edge of Nowhere.  I decided to work with Event Horizon which does an amazing job of pulling me out of myself so I can solve issues unhindered by “noise.”  Sure enough I started to see where energy blocks were having a negative impact.  As with all Event Horizon sessions, a number of solutions were offered to address the situation.

I Can’t Hear You.  It was during one of the better sessions that I realized that while I gave myself suggestions to address issues I wasn’t following up.  I kept setting the stuff aside for later after which I would go back to writing.  Luckily for me, this time I listened.

One Thing Feeds Another.  As I followed through on the suggestions I was inspired to go back and do another EH session during which more insight was gained and more suggestions given.  This went on for a few days and I noticed those other energy blocks began to dissolve.

In some cases I didn’t even realize there was a block until it was gone.

Helping Hand.  I continued working with Event Horizon and continued to follow through on the suggestions and continued to see improvements including subtle messages from the universe that helped me on my way.  And then a funny thing happened.  The messages became not so subtle.  In fact, they got downright direct.

Read My Lips.  The universe has a fun way of getting the message across and I’ve long known that when we ignore the messages, they get louder. 

This isn’t always a good thing.

In this case the increased volume was relatively harmless.  A book that had appeared in my sphere of awareness months ago reappeared.  This time I paid attention and bought it.  I also got an email from a dear friend, the right words at the right time.  Interestingly, both sources had the same message

Don’t forget the basics!

It was through each of these messages I realized that in all the chaos I had forgotten to nurture my own spirituality.

I was so busy being there for everyone and everything else I forgot to be there for this.

Energy In Bloom.  As I read the book and did the exercises which included relaxation, meditation, visualization, grounding, I found the creative whispering increasing in volume.

The voice of the source – what goes into bringing a story to life.

Bruised But Healing.  When you are a creative, to create is to feed the soul. The worst thing that can happen is to turn off the spigot but just as damaging, as I’ve learned, is to turn it on full blast. I believe my soul understands this now. I recognize the need to find other ways to nurture that soul.  Especially when the avenues open to me are cut off by lockdown.

BRINGING A STORY TO LIFE: IN THE MOOD

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Timing isn’t always everything.  

I’ve spent the past week doing some serious multi-tasking and as things seemed to have settled down a bit I set my energies to finishing a scene I’d set aside because it isn’t the type of scene I wanted to work on while distracted.

An intimacy scene.

So much for best laid plans.  I’d no sooner gotten started when I got a text from the dentist with links to forms that needed filling out.  

I can honestly say the dentist doesn’t bring to mind the energies of romance or intimacy.

Finished with that I took a break to get a snack which reminded me I needed to come up with an idea for dinner.  Finished with that I set back to work on the scene when I got another text asking me to review a web change.

Not happy with the image I explained what needed to change then went back to the scene.  Andddd… another text regarding a separate dental form.

Back to the scene and – another text with the updated web image.  That one needed a slight tweak so I spent some time on that.  Happy with how it turned out I sat down to work on the scene only to find I’d lost the romance energy thread.  

Like seriously?

Amused I decided I would give readers a glimpse of how it might go for a writer in a typical day.

It is an entertaining consideration – all these interruptions – but the post does serve another purpose.  In putting it down on paper, the distraction – the idea of it – is no longer in my mind.

NOW I can go back to the scene!

The Day Before, a Dragon Core story is on track for an Autumn 2021 release.

Stay tuned!

DAY IN THE LIFE OF A WRITER

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Note: This article is lengthy.

Just finishing lunch and trying to mentally engage with a specific project.

I’ve been trying for the past six or so hours.

I’m not concerned as for once in a long while there’s no deadline to meet and more I know what I need to do and even have the project started.  It’s just turning into one of those days where I’m meandering my way forward.

As opposed to running.

My mind wandered back to a day many moons ago, a day that pops into my consciousness quite a bit.

Ever since the shutdown last March.

Long before everything was shut down I attended a presentation at a Marine Center that was cohosted by the US Navy.  I struck up a brief conversation with a teen girl whose family was sitting at the same table.  After complimenting her on her presentation I asked what she liked to do.  Her answer?  “I like to write.”

I remember smiling big time at that and telling her “I’m a writer.”

She smiled just as big.

I asked her what kind of writing she liked to do.

At this point I became aware of her parents definitely focused on the conversation.

She told me she liked to write stories to which I explained that’s what I do.  I then spent a few minutes encouraging her to write with a specific caveat.  Follow your heart.

I went on to explain there would be times she would have to write papers she didn’t want to write about subjects that may bore her, but that they were important to her education as a writer.

All writing is practice.

I wound the conversation down by encouraging her to follow her heart – her inner guidance – as it would never steer her wrong.

I also told her to keep writing.

I often wonder what possessed me to speak to this girl.  My stomach was in knots almost the entire time.

Who was I to offer advice?  Oh, that’s right – a writer!

My mind drifts back to that young woman in these days of isolation and I think about how much she is missing by not being able to participate in that project aimed at youth.  I wonder if she remembers some adult talking to her about writing and hope she is still at it.

Following her heart.

I don’t think I did it because of the messaging I got growing up which was anything but supportive towards writing as a career.

  • You don’t want to be a writer – they don’t make any money.  You want to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer – or at least marry one.

So they could realize their dream of having one in the family they could brag about.

  • A writer?  Yeah, my son told me he wants to be in a rock band.  I told him to get a real job.

Told to me by a college counselor.  Apparently he didn’t think being a writer was a real job.

My parents encouraged me to…FOLLOW MY HEART!!!!

This included not discouraging me from being a writer. Not once.

I’ll admit my path to writing is non-traditional though I’m not sure if there is a such thing as a traditional path to that profession.

I can honestly say I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

I only know that I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was 3 and I’ve been writing ever since.

It’s in me.

Not Just Writing.  I found myself recently encouraging another beautiful young woman facing the challenges of lockdown.

A dancer.

The challenges she was facing were numerous.  Not only were they being asked to dance over zoom – alone– they were being forced to find a place to do so.

Oh yes, everyone’s home can double as a dance studio.

We talked back and forth and I offered some suggestions on how to turn a small space into a makeshift studio.

Hanging mirror doors and installing a barre are relatively simple.  Framing a closet is also relatively easy.  I know – relatively – but it can be done.

What came out of the conversation, however, was something that sent me back into writer mode.  This beautiful woman told me she didn’t know who she was if she wasn’t a dancer.

She’d been dancing since early childhood.  She was watching helplessly as many of her friends – faced with restrictions that made dancing a shell of what it was meant to be – drop out.

My heart hurt that she was at a point many of us find ourselves along life’s path…who am I?

It was a point I found myself at once upon a time.  

Did someone say once upon a time?  

I told her that dancing is a form of creativity but that the creativity is in her soul and that if dancing was not the outlet it would take that was okay because it would find another one.

I then backed it up with … of course … a story…

I told her how I had been training for the US Olympic Gymnast team – was told I was the next Nadia Comaneci – when two weeks before Olympic training camp I suffered a brain bleed that left me blind, paralyzed, and in a coma.

Needless to say – bye bye Olympic dream.

I told her that in the rubble of my dream I reconnected with the earlier one – of being a writer and while the rest, as they say, is history, the point of the story was that I was born a creative – as was she – and that that creativity would find a way to express itself no matter what.

I told her not to give up on dancing and that life has a way of working itself out but more importantly I told her that she is not the dancer so much as a creative spirit looking to express that spirit of creativity and that I was 100% certain it would find a way.

Addendum.  I didn’t whitewash the pain or frustration.  I told her that yes, the disappointment and frustration was formidable.  

I’d felt a lot of guilt because of what I’d lost – weirdly enough.  

And then…

Angels in Disguise.  I shared two events of significance – both facilitated by coworkers in the tech industry – that helped me move past the pain.

Writers Wanted.  One day early in my tech career I happened to mention to a coworker I wanted to eventually be a writer full-time.  Turns out, so did she and what do you know, so did another colleague who’d overheard our conversation and came over from his cubicle to join.

You haven’t lived until you experience the rat in a cage life of working in a cubicle with your alloted space for mementos. Provided they met with corporate approval of course.

Interestingly all of us were pursuing different genres.

What started as a random chance conversation turned into a mini support group.

Last I knew, Mary was able to “quit her day job” after getting a contract and winning an award for her first book.  Jim had an agent shopping his manuscript around.  Yes, this was years ago but I’d like to think they are still following their dream.

Olympic Reroute.  I was having lunch with two sales reps who had also been on track for the Olympics.

This was several years after leaving that other company and relatively close to when I quit to pursue my own writing career. 

One was a Canadian who was – interestingly enough – on the gymnast team.  

Had it worked out we would have competed!

The other was a guy who was on the US Olympic tennis team.

I was a bit puzzled by the sighs and lamenting that accompanied their stories.  I knew what had happened to my dreams but what were they feeling?  

What they told me changed my world.

“It was the 1980 Olympics.”

My reply was “Yes, I remember this – I had the brain bleed in the summer of 1979.”

“Don’t you remember?  We boycotted the Olympics that year!”

Um, no, I was kind of busy trying to learn to walk again.

That wasn’t a pity party statement so much as an explanation of why that wasn’t topmost on my mind of missed Olympic opportunity.

For the next hour we talked about our feelings at having spent years of hard work – the commitment of ourselves, our families – only to miss an opportunity.

This conversation healed me in ways I can’t express, and I am forever indebted to these two individuals for baring their hearts and souls that day.

As we concluded lunch all of us agreed that in spite of the deep disappointment, our lives were rich, filled with wonderful experiences. Most importantly, each of us had found ways to channel that creative passion that put us on the Olympic track.

The Canadian found a passion for horses and she competes – successfully.

She also has a beautiful spirit and sense of humor that makes this world a better place.

The gentleman found an outlet for tennis in teaching inner city kids not only tennis but how to find that passion within themselves.

Something he credits his dad for teaching him.

I shared these stories with the beautiful dancer to further explain 

  • Don’t give up on dancing because the final chapter has not been written
  • The creative spirit is in you – it IS you – and it will find a way out

Hell, maybe she’ll end up being a best-selling writer…