A Smidgen of This: Writing Real Life

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Just reading Redemption, a Dragon Core novel,and appreciating a scene.

Brought back memories.

I wrote from experience for this one.

In the scene the heroine is explaining to the hero she’s taking a “staycation” to do a bit of painting.

Gilotti’s – core to the plot of the series – are some of my favorite characters to write!

She elaborates she’s behind in unpacking because she spent Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays working.

So colleagues with families could spend time with them.

As did I

Once upon a time.

I drew from this experience for a plot device that fit nicely into the bigger novel picture.

Lived It

It started as a great way to earn money.

I was doing the work of a salaried professional while paid hourly wages.

I didn’t mind.

It was good money!

I was single; they had families.  

I had a lot more flexibility.

It was a great way to learn on the job.

I had to do some quick thinking for some of those emergency (sometimes middle-of-the-night) customer calls.

It became a wonderful yearly tradition.

I connected with customers and coworkers who were in the same boat including some out-of-the-country or from cultures that didn’t observe our holidays.

It played a significant role in becoming a Supply Chain expert.

I fielded calls from people across the globe – including C-suite folks – flabbergasted if not outraged the automotive industry as a whole followed GM’s mandatory 2 week shutdown and that it bled over into tech – and a number of other industries and companies.

When I told my boss at a subsequent employer I was more than happy to work holidays he was thrilled.

Then called me at home to ask what the deal was. There had to be a catch, right? Nope.

Plot Device

Though my character’s industry, along with the region she lives/works in, are different, it was easy to tap real life experience to create a believable scene.

Believable in the explanations if not arguments she gives as to why she’s spending her vacation working.

I have fond memories of those days.

Memories that live on in my work.

And maybe – just maybe – someone somewhere on our big blue marble remembers “that woman” who picked up the phone over the holidays.

And saved their sanity.

I worked Halloweens too.

So they could be home to take their kids Trick-or-Treating

C’est la vie.

Cool song by Emerson Lake & Palmer.

Plot Why Knot: A Piece of the Whole

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Untangle this.

Rereadinng Shadow of the Gods.

One of my favorite Dragon Core novels.

I love the characters.

Though I pay attention to every detail character development is a particular passion for me.

Characters are people and the myriad complexities associated with.

A brilliant challenge plucked from life.

A Little Goes a Long Way

Less is more.

Though I’ve included longer snippets  from novels in previous posts I felt – after reading this scene – it did the job nicely.

Illustrating my style.

Context

It’s Christmas

Hey, it’s after Halloween.  Tis the season!

Details

Cayden is a raven shifter.  Mica?  Human.

From Shadow of the Gods.

“I love you, Cayden.”

“If you think -.”

She gave him an understanding smile.  “What I think, Cayden, is that you have nothing from your childhood, though you definitely had one.  You did not hatch from an egg.”

He didn’t appreciate the levity but at least she had his attention.  Or that could have been that she’d unbuttoned the top two buttons of her blouse.

A Halloween Haunting: Her Sanctuary

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Which comes first, the chicken or the egg? This maxim became front and center when I recently ran across an article.

As my book was published years ago it begs the question nicely I think.

Thought I’d share the spooky fun.

Tis the season after all.

Passion for the Paranormal

The curious investigate.

As someone who’s visited numerous locations purported to be haunted I can appreciate the myriad of emotions guests of this haunted winery may experience.

  • Those seeking an experience are hopeful if not hopeful and apprehensive about the prospect of actually seeing a ghost.

Will they scream?  Run?  Freak out?

  • Those seeking to prove to all and sundry there’s no such thing as ghosts.

Everything has a logical explanation.

  • Those possessing an abundance of compassion if not outright pity who are determined to take action.

They’ve seen it on TV.  All they have to do is shout for the spirits to go to the light and they’ll set them free.

This last is particularly amusing because it suggests the spirits – if they are present – are somehow being held captive for the financial gain of those owning and/or managing the property/location.

I think there’s even been a movie made with that as a premise.

My take?  

There’s a reason some spirits are referred to as tricker spirits.

Life Immitates Art

What I truly enjoyed about the article is the irony. 

I used a haunted winery as a setting in my Psi Series book Her Sanctuary, drawing purely from imagination after touring various California wineries.

Years before hearing of this Kansas winery.

I wish everyone a a Happy Halloween and an entertaining spooky season.

Haunting Notes: Readers who have a passion for the paranormal will enjoy stories in the Psi Side.

Where truth and fiction entangle.

Manifesting 101: To See or to Write

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Vision Board V Ideal Scene

Thought I’d do a follow-up to my post about the success I’ve had writing goals down – in one form or another – to increase the likelihood of achieving them.

I pointed out that if we aren’t meant to have something no amount of writing is going to change that.

In the post I mention working with Shakti Gawain’s Creative Visualization Workbook to focus on two goals

  • Romantic relationship
  • Writing career

I used the Ideal Scene exercise to write out a day in an imagined future when this person was already in my life.

Writing it as if I was writing a letter to a friend telling them all about this romantic partner.

I had incredible success.

It was as if I’d projected myself into the future and wrote a day in the life he was a part of.

I used the page where you do a form of Vision Boarding to put images – either drawn or cut from magazines – for my career goal.

Using images from magazines I focused this exercise on my goal of being a successful writer.

While I know the Ideal Scene was a resounding success I had to put the Vision Boarding effort through a couple of filters before seeing that it, too, was a resounding success.

It just happened differently than I was expecting.

In short.

Though I’d long said I wanted to be a successful novelist – and I had been writing fiction stories for years – after completing the exercises in the workbook I set the workbook aside then turned my efforts to more immediate concerns which included the job I had.  

I was not being paid to write.

Passionate about success in whatever I do, I put tremendous effort into succeeding.

At the job I was being paid for – an aspiring technical consultant.

I went on to become a very successful senior technical consultant with expertise in network interoperability and global supply chain management.

And the writing?

Here’s the interesting thing.  I spent part of the time at the first Fortune 500 tech company I worked at as a tech writer.  Not only did I write content for proposals and other technical publications, I created the graphics for those publications.  All of this set me up for success as an independent writer.

Though I had no idea at the time.

But Wait!  There’s More!

The Vision Boarding worked too!

I recently took stock of my my writing career and realized I’d achieved everything I set out to decades ago.  It just didn’t happen how I thought.

I never would have guessed that Smashwords would come along though once it did I knew the writing industry would never recover from the fallout tsunami.

While attending an RWA conference in Anaheim years after Smashwords and Amazon upended the industry I looked around to see I was ahead of the curve on the direction things were headed because my business acumen – along with an ability to see the way the wind was blowing -had set me up for success in the new publishing landscape.

Both skills were honed while working in the tech industry with its rapid and constant change.

And that Vision Board?

I achieved everything I pasted into that workbook.  Just not how I thought it would come about.

Perhaps the highest irony is that while I thought I would be traveling for writing – I put imagery that showed travel along with writing on that page in the workbook- it was the other way around.  I was traveling for business and took the opportunity to work on my craft when time allowed.

Which when something matters you find.

In Conclusion

I achieved every career goal I set out to but the biggest takeaway is that the Universe was in charge of how that happened.

And when.

As for the Ideal Scene and Vision Boarding, I would definitely recommend either or both methods as tools to help achieve goals.  Just be prepared it may take longer than you expect and will lead you along paths you might not otherwise have noticed.

Or planned on taking.

Be well!

Note: I met my husband through work so my focus on becoming a successful technical consultant – doing what I could with what I had at the time – paid off.

It helped me achieve multiple goals.

Manifesting 101: The Written Word

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Note:  Longer post but instructional in methods of achieving/manifesting goals.

What’s worked and what hasn’t – and why.

Catch Phrase:  It Works.

I didn’t come up with this title that simplistically yet perfectly illustrates the truth that writing goals down increases the likelihood they’ll be achieved.  

Someone long ago did us the favor.

The publication that bears the title outlines one of multiple methods I’ve utilized throughout the years to help me achieve goals.

Successfully.

What’s relevant is what the various methods I’ve used – successfully – have in common.

The written word.

But first, a little perspective.

Aka a little history.

Speak, See, Write.

Speak

The power of prayer.

My initial education – so far as I can remember – to an action that could help achieve goals – came in second grade.

When I was 7.

The nun explained God could help us achieve goals if we prayed to Him and told Him what we wanted.

She also explained we could ask – not pray to – our guardian angel for the same purpose, which only served to confuse the heck out of me.

Not to mention the confusion of praying to Mary for intercession through God or Jesus.

This method produced mixed results.

No wonder given all the confusion.

I didn’t dare ask for clarification lest the woman grab me by the arm, sink her nails into me, and shake me within an inch of my life.

And slapping me for daring to ask.

Such was the life of my early education.

Isn’t that special?

I asked my father who’d somehow survived 12 years of Catholic school – and some Catholic college to boot – to explain.  Unfortunately, his answer only served to deepen the confusion.

He prayed to the Holy Spirit.

He did his best to explain the holy trilogy but it didn’t settle matters.

I set it aside.

See

The power of visualization.

In spite of the confusion about prayer I never stopped speaking to God.

I was more than happy to frame the reference as Universe if/when appropriate.

During a particularly challenging part of my life…

Toxic Corporate Soup years

I asked God for help.

A big believer in the Midwest work ethic I asked to be pointed in the right direction after which I would be happy to do whatever work I needed to do.

Borders to the Rescue.

Next thing I know I’m at Borders Bookstore in Birmingham, Michigan.

I had a sudden strong urge to go to the one on Woodward.  

I walked in the door and mentally said “Okay, God.  I’m here.  What do You want me to see?”

I was led to a section and when I got there a book fell off the shelf onto the floor at my feet.

This kind of stuff has happened to me my entire life.  I’m always geeked about it but not surprised; nor are those who’ve spent any time around me.

It was Robert Stone’s Celestial 911.

But Wait!  There’s More!

I was inspired to drive to the other Borders.

Southfield.

Walking in I repeated the “What do you want me to see?” sentiment.

Mentally. 

After a fruitless search I was on my way out when something had me stop at the table of books parked near the door.  One book – a workbook – grabbed my attention.

Shakti Gawain’s Creative Visualization Workbook.

I bought it along with Mark Fisher’s The Instant Millionaire and left.

I dutifully followed the steps in Shakti’s workbook.

Cut out images, imagined the pink bubble sent out to the universe, and wrote – in pencil – my Ideal Scene.

At that time it was for a romantic partner.  

The image exercise was for a successful writing career.

Life intervenes.

My tech consulting career took off with incredible speed chaos and success.

Notice I didn’t say writing career?  Or romantic partner goal?

Write

The power of the written word.

In 1998 – engaged to the man who was the result of the one written exercise I’d completed – I reread Mark Fisher’s book.

Aaron and I had plans.

Believe it or not it didn’t occur to me that I’d successfully achieved a goal through writing.

As per Shakti’s comments I’d put the workbook with my Ideal Scene – written in pencil – in a box I hadn’t opened in 3 years.

I dutifully followed the instructions outlined in the millionaire’s fable but got less than stellar results.

More on that in a minute.

Intrigued by the concept of writing goals down to increase the chances of achieving them I went back to Borders – Ann Arbor this time – and found Write It Down Make it Happen.

Life Intervenes.

Aka chaos.

A wedding, sale of a house, new job across the country and incredible cultural and lifestyle changes later…

My efforts were lost in the chaos sauce for some time.

Until…

I opened a box to find Shakti Gawain’s Creative Visualization Workbook.  Pulling it out I thumbed through, noting the images I’d cut from magazines were now a parody of a lifelong desire to be a successful writer.

A parody that cut deep.

I was a technical consultant successful enough Hewlett-Packard relocated me across the country but not the published author I’d worked one of the exercises for.

Ideal Scene.

Nailing the goal.

As I read what I’d written in the Ideal Scene my jaw dropped.  I was married to a man who fit the description/scene I’d written exactly!

In every aspect! 

In the years since I’ve tried various methods of writing goals down.

With various levels of success.

My success stories are so exact as to defy chance.

Yes, I am acquainted with the scientific method.

Sooooooo…

The good stuff right?

What Works?  What Doesn’t?

The method I’ve had uncanny success with is writing out the Ideal Scene.

Uncanny as in getting everything I wrote out in the scene.

The Catch.

I can’t speak for the universe but I have a feeling you can write details til the cows come home – something I’ve seen in Pleasanton, California mind you – but if you aren’t meant to have something, you ain’t gettin’ it.

That being said, in my experience, you get exactly what you write out.

No more, no less.

Example.  

When I used the Ideal Scene method to manifest our home in the SF Bay Area, I laid out the number of bedrooms, bathrooms, wood floors, a fireplace, nice neighbors, nice property, all sorts of goodies.  I did, however, leave out the style.

I ended up with a ranch instead of the Victorian style I had been imagining.

The method I’ve had some – admittedly – weird results with comes from It Works.

It works – but it’s weird.

Example.

My first brush with this method was a version of it in the book by Mark Fisher.

Didn’t work for me.

The next version came after reading It Works.

Didn’t work for me.

More recently and after reading – and trying – several variances of the written word – I came to see there are opposing nuances at work.

Arguments for and against.

A Note About Scripting.

Scripting is a more recent term for the Ideal Scene exercise.

With varying degrees of methodology as per the author.

I’ve personally found most of these newer versions emotionally exhausting.

I’m a writer so the mental part is okay.

That doesn’t mean they haven’t succeeded.

Or rather – one method has – but more on that in a minute.

From what I can tell my biggest mistake using the method outlined in It Works is that I did not consistently read the list.

As per instructions.

More recently while in the midst of the pain of burnout I went back to this simple method of listing goals.

Though the wording had been tweaked per a more updated book on the subject.

This time I dutifully read the list multiple times a day.

For months.

I achieved everything on the list.

Some of which I have zero explanation for as it just happened.

Here’s the thing.  I eventually stopped reading the list each day because the more I read it the more I realized I didn’t have what it was I wanted.  So I let it go.

For 2 – 3 months.

The goals were achieved anyway.

How?  No idea other than it seems to be a blend of the It Works method with Shakti’s Ideal Scene method.

Conclusions.

What worked – or didn’t – for me.

I can’t tell other people what will work for them.  I can simply share what worked for me.

As others have done for me, both verbally and by publishing their stories.

I can say achieving goals is a journey that may take you along paths you never knew existed.

And which there is no way in hell you would have gone down if you knew what would happen along the way.

My most recent success – and one of the more difficult goals as it was related to health and well-being – came after reconsidering Scripting due to reading The Last Law of Attraction Book You’ll Ever Need.

After reading Andrew’s book I decided to give Scripting another go.

Capitalized because of what a pain it was for me.

Day after day I dutifully performed the task though it was mentally and emotionally painful.

I did not have the resources to be doing it but I was desperate to feel better.

What helped was that I’d signed up for Andrew’s emails.

The right words at the right time.

But then they stopped.

No idea why.

I was tempted to contact him about it but decided it was a test from the universe.  How serious was I?

I continued Scripting.

No idea how I had the emotional and/or mental strength to do so.

Desperation?

All I know is one recent day I was walking and realized that what I’d Scripted – in detail – a la Ideal Scene – six months previously had come to pass.  What’s key is I’d needed a certain level of results within four months.

I achieved that goal.

I can say this much.  I am grateful for Andrew and the people who have given him their time to do videos and share stories.

The right details at the right time.

Understanding and Awareness.

It wasn’t one method so much as the right method at the right time.

An answer to a prayer.

Visualizations were provided by me.

My goals.

Be well!

Post Note: More on why the career goal was deayed in upcoming post.

New Project Gets Real

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Note:  Humorous story at end of post

Happy to say that serendipity is with me today!  

For some time I’ve had an idea for a writing project wherein I share real-life experiences and perspectives.

To entertain and educate.

The format for such a project morphed frequently enough I held back rather than start it and have it end up a runaway horse I couldn’t keep up with.  To make matters worse I honestly felt this project would be the first step to reengaging with my writing.  However, until I had a better feel for the format I couldn’t begin.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

The Universe Steps In

I was sharing a story with a friend this morning – hoping it would take his mind off more serious matters – when it occurred to me that I had my answer!  

Change of Angle

In spite of worry for my friend’s situation being at ground zero for Storm Babet I found myself smiling at the memory I was sharing and in that moment realized there was definitely room for humor in this project.

It didn’t have to educate. It could just entertain.

Laugh at Life

God knows I have plenty of stories with varying degrees of humor to share.

Including dark humor.

Deciding that Sharing Perspective to Share Smiles was a worthy effort I have decided to launch the new project – Real Life – confident the pieces will fall into place as I go along.

Without further ado I will share the inaugural story that set this baby in motion.  

Enjoy!

Real Life: Corporate

Time:  Mid 90s

Place: Detroit Metro Area

Having just joined a new tech company I was given my choice of continuing to support an automotive OEM or auto suppliers.  As I’d spent the previous 8 years supporting GM I was more than happy to shake it up and go with supplier support.

As a technical consultant.

It was summer and GM along with many suppliers had their mandatory shutdown.

They do another shutdown in the winter, near Christmas.

This is actually a busy time for tech companies since it’s an ideal time to do upgrades.

No need to kick anyone off a project or worry about taking anything critical offline.

The sales rep and I headed to Flint to take advantage of the down time to do an upgrade.

This supplier happened to be internal, a GM plant in Flint.

Where Is Everybody?

Eerie is the word to describe what it felt like in that all but empty plant.

Like a sci-fi horror movie.

The IT area was a tiny space separated from the manufacturing plant by Visqueen strips hanging from the ceiling.  After I got over being mortified at the dust and grease threat to the servers I initiated a backup.

A must before an upgrade.

The data tape had barely started spinning when the entire place went dark.  

WTH?

Within moments red backup lights came on.

Terminator anyone?

Great Minds Rain on a Tech Parade

Turns out the power company had the same bright idea as I did.  With the shifts shut down it was an ideal time to do an upgrade to the power infrastructure serving the plant.  

Apparently, they had no idea anyone was working and didn’t think it a problem to not notify GM before shutting off all power to the plant.

Needless to say the upgrade didn’t happen until much much later but it wasn’t a total bust.  In addition to a fun tale to tell I got a nice lunch out of it.

Validating EMF Sensitivity Findings: Better Late Than Never

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Four years after surgery for a brain bleed I began experiencing horrible migraines.  

Why now?  

Seemingly unrelated to the arterial rupture clamped with a titanium clip it was a puzzling, if miserable, period of my life.

The pain was not only intense it was unresponsive to any but narcotic strength medication.  Since I despised the way those medications made me feel it became a constant study in frustration as to how to relieve pain that drove me to my knees in tears.

While I searched for a non-narcotic solution I demanded the smallest dose of the other.

Cause and Effect: An Unwitting Introduction to EMF Sensitivity

  It was while discussing the periodic and debilitatingly painful episodes at a family gathering I got my first look – thanks to a savvy aunt – into what it meant to be EMF Sensitive.  

Atmospheric EMFs

My maternal grandmother was carefully questioning  me about the headaches in an effort to see if their was any pattern that would help us understand why they’d started out of the blue.  Sitting at the table was my Aunt Anne who said, “Your headaches are related to thunderstorms.”  

She figured out that approximately 48 hours after I got a migraine, a thunderstorm occurred. She also pointed out the pain resolved once the system moved out of the area.

We spent the next half hour trying to figure out what it was about the storms specifically that instigated the painful headaches and though no real conclusions were drawn my aunt was certain it was the lightning.

Electrical right?

Think Again

If that was the case then why did I feel so good while living in Florida in an area considered the lightning capital of the world?

I feel wonderful whenever I visit the state and it’s not just sunshine because I lived in sunny So Cal and I’ve lived in Phoenix yet did not have this same sense of physical well-being.

I did not get headaches while living in Florida.  

They started the spring after my family moved back to Michigan.

It wasn’t until 2011 – after years researching a phenomenon called EHS – what I called EMF Sensitivity – that I learned that atmospheric EMFs associated with storm systems are of the same ultra-low and very low EM frequencies that wreaked havoc with my health.

Which was why I was researching EMFs in the first place.

Understanding is Not a Cure

Knowing why I got horrible migraines 48 hours before a thunderstorm was all good and well but it didn’t offer any solution.

None of the remedies I had for my sensitivity to geologic and technologic EMFs worked for the atmospheric EMFs.  

Never Stop Learning

In subsequent years I gained incredible insight into EMF Sensitivity, including coming to understand the root cause and thus a cure.  I also discovered numerous remedies at all price points with no need for a doctor’s prescription.

I wanted remedies that were easily affordable and accessible to anyone.

I was thrilled to share my findings with the world through my release of Riding the Waves: Diagnosing, Treating, and Living with EMF Sensitivity.

As well as follow-up books on the subject.

While I’d made incredible progress and was living a relatively normal life, I was still struggling with migraines before thunderstorms.

Which were unfortunately all too common where I was living when I released Riding the Waves.

A Decade Later

It was while living in an area known for rain that I finally had a breakthrough.  

Rain Yes But…

Though we had our share of rain thunderstorms were a rarity where I was living.  This suggests it was something about atmospheric conditions tied to rain.  However…

I remembered living in Sunnyvale, California during a time when local rainfall broke records and not experiencing any migraines. Adding to the argument disputing the migraines being tied to rain was the fact I was getting the migraines during the summer too.

Pressure Drop

Research and a barometer purchase showed the migraines happened approximately 48 hours before a serious pressure drop. That they happened in the summer was due to the fact the pressure dropped as the temperature rose.  

I was able to determine the temperature had to rise sharply in a very short time for the pressure drop to induce a migraine.

Yeah, Okay, But…

I still had no way of treating the migraines and I refused to take narcotic medicine.

I’d had some luck with potassium supplements but it was not consistent.

As I document in Ignoring the Rules: An Intriguing Approach to Resolving Calcium Toxicity, I was able, through constant research, to determine the migraines were the result of the scar tissue – made up mostly of calcium – reacting to the atmospheric changes associated with pressure drops.

Like temperature, changes in pressure are a product of EMFs.

Through a lot of trial and error that drew on years of research I was able to discover a cure for the migraines.

Included in the book.

Two days ago as Idalia was making headlines I came upon an article that validated my experience; that it’s possible to sense EM frequencies associated with thunderstorms.

And, as I write in Riding the Waves, EMs associated with tropical storms and hurricanes.

It’s hard to put into words how it felt to see my observations backed up by other researchers; researchers who are going to conduct further study into how these EM frequencies affect behavior in a living organism.

Talk about validation!

It hasn’t been easy writing about a subject that continues to be controversial, to rile emotions, so when I come across this type of information it’s another brick falling off shoulders too often burdened by weighty matters.

Of course I also had to consider it meant I’m a shark.

Kidding, naturally.

To my delight, a day later another EMF article crossed my desk and while this one relates to a different part of my experience it’s every bit as validating.  Needless to say I’ll be sharing that information in the near future.

Stay tuned.

Writing Crystal Visions

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Hey y’all 

Typed with a Midwest accent

I haven’t dropped off the planet, just gathering my thoughts.

Lots of projects under consideration.

The biggest hurdle at this point is deciding how to do a site layout that reflects my vision. I’ve always been a visual person, one who sees things then works to recreate what I see in my mind’s eye.

So readers can immerse themselves in that vision.

Vision as Part of the Process.

When writing, my visual process makes it so I not only see characters, colors, settings in equisite detail, I can smell the smells.

Whether they come from shampoo a character uses, a by-product of what is going on in the scene – i.e., the aftermath of a battle – or from memory – i.e., a hospital or elementary school.

When I set fingers to keyboard I literally have images of characters, settings, smells in mind.  It’s why I so easily identify with my characters.

Which helps when writing from their point of view.  

I see them with crystal clarity.

As if they were standing in front of or beside me.

Speaking of Crystal Visions, the song of the same name – by The Big Pink – is pretty sweet.

On the Red Riding Hood Original Motion Picture Soundtrack.

I imagine other novelists have this ability.

As would song writers, painters, sculptors, photographers, and a myriad of other artists, including actors who create their character as they see – and feel – in body and soul.

What makes this phase of my career challenging is that despite the tremendous improvements in tools and layout options available through WordPress, I’m concerned about making the layout overly busy.  

I want to represent multiple projects in one place without making it cluttered.

As with many disciplines (i.e. writing software code**), there are numerous ways to accomplish what I want and plenty of tools for doing so, but it’s wanting to match what I envision with what is displayed that has me taking time.

Considerations

Some projects will remain under wraps.

I’ll be revealing them in the near future.

Some are topics I never walked away from.

They’re integrated into who I am, woven into my life in a way that means to abandon them is akin to pulling a thread and watching everything unravel til nothing’s left but a spaghetti mess.

That doesn’t mean I was obligated to share.

In spite of a passion for making the world a better place.

Going back to the way things were would only land me in the place that drove me to step away to being with.

The way I’d been doing things resulted in serious damage – to me.

It was as if – metaphorically – I suddenly found myself in a ballroom so crowded I couldn’t hear myself think.

Let alone breathe.

As I go forward with these projects I’m taking my strengths and vulnerabilities into consideration.

As I honor my passion for making the world a better place.

Among the myriad of topics attached to various projects are EMF Sensitivity and life through a Living the Psi Life lens.

Stay tuned.

**  A big part of why I refused to do coding on-the-fly as part of my technical consulting is the simple fact I would be setting the sales rep up for failure.  I’d either be trying to deal with a predecessor’s code or writing in a way that meant whoever came after me needed to understand where I was coming from – at that moment – in order to support the customer.

Never mind that whatever I did wouldn’t be supported if the customer ever called the help desk.  

Ah, but that is a story for another day.

It Used to Be Socks – Part I

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Trying to pick yourself up after you’ve been flattened by life is something I’m all too familiar with.  I’ve been doing it since I was 10 and a brain hemhorrage knocked me out of the game 2 weeks before US Olympic Gymnast Training Camp.

I came to after dying 3x blind, paralyzed, and recovering from an induced coma.

What I’m trying to come back from now is the most difficult health issue I’ve faced since those days.

What I do have is drawing from numerous times my life and plans were rerouted – for me – knowing I survived it – perhaps even emerged a stronger better person for it.

The Spirit Lives

I’ve come to see – fortunately -on endless walks over months the creative spirit within is still around, though it was and continues to be touch and go.

Merely thinking of projects can make me physically ill.

I think some part of me has been ‘splining what I was trying to do was akin to a baseball player getting back in the game before his injuries were healed.

Aka “Ain’t gonna happen.

Failed Negotiation

I tried all sorts of end runs around my higher self.

Crash and burn.

I gave up

And gave it to the Universe

Tuning the Dial

I was eventually strong enough to tap into old philosophies including my success with Silva and the Law of Attraction.

And got to a point where it was diminishing returns.

That’s okay – I’d put the energy out there.  I trusted the process.

So Where Do the Socks Come In?

I’m finally in a place where I’m strong enough to do a post under circumstances I wasn’t able to before.

Yay!

The Socks?

I could start with a cutesie story of how my kitty used to steal my socks when I was in second grade so I couldn’t go to school.

And leave her.

Years later she showed up at my sixth grade classroom.

Hopped up on the windowsill next to my desk.

Neither the teacher nor principal – both nuns – were amused.

We didn’t have a working car at the time so my dad had to ride up on  my 10-speed bike and put her in a suitcase to ride home with .

Bet that was fun.

The Cultural Divide of Socks

Anecdote aside, the sock thing started when I was 12 and my family had moved to New Orelans.

Small town in Jefferson Parish.

I had to wear the Catholic school uniform – I got that – but I put on socks I felt represented my creative spirit.

To give perspective, the other girls wore poodle length uniform skirts, bobby socks, and saddle shoes reminiscent of the 50s though this was some 30 years later.

Needless to say my yellow and brown striped socks didn’t win any popularity contests.

Nor did my Yankee accent.

It was actually the school bus driver who called me out first.

“What are ye wearin’ those fer?!”

She threatened not to let me on the bus.

Then decided to let the nuns have at me.

Needless to say, it went downhill from there.

But my creative spirit had morphed into some sort of rebellion over socks and the freedom to choose my own.

Sock Evolution.

By the time I was in high school I was working multiple jobs and maintaining grades good enough to get an academic scholarship.

And leading an organization that earned me Oakland County Outstanding Citizen of the Year.

Laundry was not a priority.

Neither was hair.

It’s amazing how many adults get tied up in knots when you don’t pay attention to such things.

Not school adults – ahem.

Showing up in mismatched socks was simply no big deal to me.

It was reflective of getting dressed at 6am after having gotten home from work after 11pm.  I was half asleep.

When I was called out for it I replied, “What does it matter if they match?  They’re both clean.”

Evolution II

I started to choose socks with fun patterns.

No dull solids for me!

And of course none of this was inspired by the continuous criticism of my choice of socks.

I mean come on – who takes the energy to stare at someone’s ankles?  I lived in jeans so it wasn’t like people could see goofy knee socks!

Evolution III

Alas the thrill of the sock hunt has been replaced by the joy of spending as much time barefoot as possible.  That doesn’t mean I don’t seek creative expression.

The latest version came from the realization I’m spending more time in t-shirts than sweaters.

So I may as well make it fun.

Given I needed to expand the wardrobe anyway since wearing the same 3-4 t-shirts over and over was going to have them wearing out I decided to do something fun that will help my writing efforts.

Honoring that creative spirit.

This will be evident in future posts.

Stay tuned

Self-Care and The Important Follow-On Question

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As with so many, the fallout from the pandemic spurred me into taking what action I could to ease suffering – at personal expense.

Serious mental, emotional, and eventually physical burn-out.

Hitting a wall I elected to do something that would have appalled my corporate self.

Gasp!  Self-Care

To put in perspective, my primary influences growing up came from the Greatest Generation.

World War II Vets and war brides.

You didn’t complain.

Grit and heart and self-sacrifice for the greater good won the day.

This is the philosophy that underpinned my decades as a woman in the male dominated field of tech.

Eons before the Me-Too movement.

The idea of self-care was akin to betrayal.

Selfish!

And so it went.

By the end of 2022 even I was coming to see if I didn’t do something my health was going to deteriorate to the point I couldn’t recover.

Okay, so Now What?

I didn’t make the decision for self-care so much as God made it for me.

My life literally ground to a halt and I wound up in the ER.

In the days that followed it occurred to me that in order to heal I would have to sacrifice something that was an indelible part of my life.

My writing career.

When I wound up in the ER a second time after a test result came back suspicious I knew that in spite of the fact I’d wanted to be a writer from the time I was three, trying to pull up energy reserves to continue might be dire indeed.

Nothing like waking to a call at 7am telling you to get to the hospital immediately because of a number on a blood draw.

A Warning.

The follow-up tests showed I was fine.

Thank God.

I raised the white flag and informed my family that for the foreseeable future I would no longer be writing.

Or doing anything that would take precious energy needed for my recovery.

Selfish.

But first I had to get past the philosophy that putting myself first was selfish.

Thank God for the more modern philosophy that points out – wisely – if you aren’t there for yourself you can’t be there for those you love let alone anyone else.

Repeat after me:  Self-care is NOT being selfish!

I spent months focused on recovery even as I tried to be there for those who needed me.

I’m grateful for family and friends who were there for me when they too were trying to pick up their lives from various – and not always Covid related – challenges.

Part of self-care included daily walks.

Starting at a little under 2 I was soon walking 6 miles a day 7 days a week.

For months the only thought I could identify was “What was the license number of that truck?”

Anything deeper got me into a world of hurt.

Extended members of the family were a bit disconcerted.

“What’s with -?”

Giving the most basic of answers I put my head down and foot to the pavement.

Walking cold or heat, rain, sleet, or shine.

It was months before I could muster up the energy to utter – even mentally – the all-important follow-on question.

What’s Next?

I knew I wasn’t going back to corporate.

Hell I wasn’t healthy enough to do much – outside walking – but sit my butt on a couch.  I couldn’t commit to an employer let alone a customer!

Is that a Ray of – SUN?

Or is it hope?

One day while walking I considered that I really did want to write again.

It’s all I’d ever dreamed of doing from the time I was 3.

I also knew I was in no condition to even try.

The mere thought caused serious mental pain.

It was out of my hands.

I turned it over to God.

I also acknowledged that I may never be able to go back to writing.

Though that rubbed against another philosophy I was raised with which was God never put a dream in your heart He didn’t give you the means to achieve.

It’s a weird place living in the twilight of a dream shredded beyond recognition.

You’re so tangled in the confusion and pain of the idea of never again doing something you loved – that had been living inside of you since you could first put crayon to construction paper – you can’t give voice to the fear

The horror.

Not even to those who love you and want you to not hurt.

I couldn’t voice the fear even as I was willing to give it up forever if that’s what it took to make me whole again.

A Way Forward.

It’s early in the process and I’m taking it in baby steps but I intend to resurrect my dream.

As God wills it as my dear cousin likes to say.

I intend to tap the dream to be a writer to follow my passion.

Making the world a better place.

Stay tuned.