TO FIND YOUR FREQUENCY TUNE THE DIAL

emax7 Comments

For a day following one that ended on such a high note, today is filled with sobering thoughts.

Good stuff, but sobering.

I’ve mentioned I utilize a white board to track various tasks.

I mentioned in a post yesterday the task list is rather lengthy now.

This morning I added a new task to the very top

Tune the Dial

What does this mean?  Unlike the t-shirt in my store it is not about avoiding negativity.

Though that is wise.  

Rather, it’s about the opposite.  Focus on the positive.

Specifically a person or a situation that will put a smile in your heart when you think on it.

The idea to take such deliberate action came as part of a post-mortem analysis of the previous winter.  It was, due to a variety of circumstances, a low point in my life.  

Fortunately, months of introspection revealed it is unlikely the stars will line up in such a way again.

Lessons

That isn’t to say I can be heedless of the fact some of my own vulnerabilities make it so if I’m not careful I could wind up in a smiliar place.

It was one of those where stress led to a behavior to address the stress but ended up bringing different stress which led to…

It was for this reason I spent months dissecting everything that took place including my role in any of it.

How did my actions contribute to my own suffering?

Once I finished that I identified actions I could take to avoid getting sucked into such a place again. I further considered how I might raise my energy vibration back to what it was prior to the chaos.  One idea I toyed with was starting every morning by thinking of someone or something that put a smile in my heart.

To achieve the higher vibration I needed to refocus my attention.

I had to Tune the Dial.

What gave me the idea was that I’d noted whenever I composed an email to a certain friend I felt absolutely fantastic.

Energized and ready to face the day!

I decided to test and see if I felt that way even if I didn’t write to this friend but simply thought of them.  

It worked!

I went through other evaluations in order to gauge how various events affected me.

Including interactions with other people.

I periodically tried the morning email thought to see if it consistently got me smiling.

It does.

Wanting to be thorough in my efforts to see how various events affect me I spent the past few days doing a number of tests, including reading headlines.

I discovered that my interactions with people affect me far more than what I read in the headlines, regardless of whether or not those headlines are negative and/or upsetting.

I alluded to this in Under Siege: Tools and Strategies for Dealing with the Pillars of EMF Sensitivity in the section on Esoteric EMFs.

I considered activities that bring joy.

  • Conversations with Family
  • Philosophical conversations with others who love to stretch their minds
  • Conversations with people pursuing their dreams or who have achieved them
  • Writing
  • Thinking of Fans**
  • Music
  • Walking

I considered there are some activities I haven’t done in a long time but knowing they brought happiness determined I would reengage.

Specifically a workout routine I did for decades, a combination of stretches and weight lifting.

I determined I got the best response by making a point each morning to think of someone or something that makes me smile.

I may write a message to them I don’t intend to send just to get that frequency tuned correctly.

I also determined it is in my best interest to make changes in how I handle situations that bring me down.

Especially interactions with people who drain me rather than juice me up.

I decided that each time I think of individual(s) who have caused grief or in some way drained me I will automatically send them thoughts of love and happiness.

I used a modified Silva technique to program myself to do as much.

I am getting good results.

Felt as if the weight of the world tumbled from my shoulders.

I am determined to make Tuning the Dial to bring in positive energy a habit.

Lifelong.

**Thinking of the people who stop by to visit my websites and who subscribe brings such a smile to my heart!  Thinking how people are enjoying the stories I write brings joy.

WHITEBOARD? MY INK AND KEYSTROKES RUNNETH OVER

emax2 Comments

Note: Longer post.

I don’t know if I should love my work-away-from-home place or hate it.

I’m guessing love is the better option.

How Did I Land Here?

About 6 years ago, as I was writing into the home stretch for the Metatron’s Army Series, I began setup tasks for what would become Dragon Core, a series originally begun when I was a sophomore in high school.

I wrote 3 full-length novels for the series.

I began writing Dragon Core’s story not long after conceiving the idea for Metatron’s Army.

About seven months after.

I was 15.

Note:  I never typed out a book for the MA series the way I did for Dragon Core.

Until The Dude demanded I do so that is.

In 2014.

By the time I decided to follow the prodding of The Dude and publish Dragon Core I knew it had to be totally ripped apart from the original.

Yep, flushed 3 novels down the drain.

Between Thanksgiving 2016 and when the 1st in the Series was published I redesigned the story.

Even as I kept the original plot in place.

One of the initial tasks I needed to do for Cauldron of the Gods, was find a visual location for Lages’ bar in Seattle.  

Aesop’s Cove.

I originally thought of using J & M.

It was the first place I had lunch while staying in a hotel before we moved to Seattle.

I loved the gritty vibe, the history of the place.

According to the server that first time, Nirvana played one of its signature early performances there.

I love Pioneer Square!

Note: As I write in Psychic Hangover, historical places can be – ghosts notwithstanding – a psychic’s best friend.

I always had a good experience at J & M in terms of food and service and, most importantly, ambiance. 

The perfect vibe for me even if I wasn’t thinking of using it for a novel.

On the day I went to evaluate

It was in contention with a gritty Irish place further up 1st

and after telling Aaron it was perfect I found out from the server they were going out of business.  

I had just told her I’d chosen their location and would give them PR in my series when she dropped that bomb on me.

Wouldn’t you know the owner was in the restaurant that day?  She brought him over so I could explain what I was doing there and how much I loved that place.  

Bittersweet.

Theoretically I could have kept the location but my heart – after hearing they were going out of business – was just no longer in it.

And the other place didn’t fit with the overall vibe I needed though it IS the inspiration for the fake address for the bad guy!

Back to the Drawing Board

For months I traveled a big circle in an effort to find the ideal place to use as inspiration.

Remember I was still finishing the MA series and that includes Metatron’s Legacy.

and found none of them a good fit.

Too touristy, too trashy, too something.

Frustrated, I went back to a local pub I sometimes worked at to not only think over what to do next but to evaluate one last time.

To see if I could use it as a visual anchor for the pub in the story.  

The problem?  

The original problem. Get the right vibe.

It was too upscale for what I was looking for in terms of gritty vibe.

From Cauldron of the Gods

1st in the series:

Determined to reserve judgment, thirty-year-old Clare   Edwards stepped into the darkened interior and looked around.

“It’s just the right balance of gritty and sophistication.”

“I don’t want a dive bar.”

“I didn’t say -.”

“Gritty?”

“Sophistication?  Have you ever been in a dive bar that could be described as sophisticated?  You’ll love it.  Trust me.”

She did trust Lucas Drake, and not just because he was a cop.  The detective was a straight shooter something not necessarily synonymous with a badge.

The Vibe So Needed

Obviously vibe is subjective but as it’s my story and I have to put myself in Lage’s bar – mentally – when writing, I knew what I was looking for.  

But…

Could my local place fit the bill?

Gritty is not a word I would use when describing it.

Hmmmm…

For a variety of reasons including blinders on eyes 

Like those that keep a horse looking straight ahead

I decided to run with it

I have to layer gritty as an imaginative element on top of it but it works…

Wait!  There’s More!

There always is…

In addition to being a visual anchor for a series, it’s a place I’ve been coming to – periodically – when I need to solve a problem.

When I need to get out of my environment because the walls are closing in on me.

As problem solving goes, I have a consistent track record.

Coming here to get out of my space and my head. 

But…

This past week I came to see solving a problem isn’t always the funnest thing.  

At least in my case.

I came to see that as one problem is fixed another if not several more are right behind it.

Waiting for my attention.

For Instance…

When I finished my sandwich this afternoon, satisfied I’d accomplished what I set out to do I saw that I had a rather significant pile of tasks.

The problem(s)/work behind what I came to solve.

Setting the empty plate aside I pulled the laptop close and began a bit of a deep dive into the issue at hand.  

Organizing the task list and assigning owners.

Next thing I knew my fingers were flying across the keyboard with solutions.

And my mind was writing this blog post!

I quickly noted the solutions required additional tasks be completed!

And I needed to start this blog post because it was front and center in mind!

Less than ten minutes later I had a laundry list of tasks to complete

And 1/2 the post written in a file.

While all will bear luscious fruit I can’t help but wince at the additional work I now have on my plate.

Work I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t come up to solve a problem only to find myself hyper inspired by the ambiance!

It isn’t like I’m going to blame anyone at the pub for this quagmire but I can’t help appreciating the irony.

Be careful what you wish for

What Else Did I Learn?

I will try to determine what elements I can transplant to my normal work environment

Home

To achieve balance.

Yin and Yang

This place is obviously an opposite extreme for a variety of reasons.

Elements I know do not factor into the equation:  Food and Alcohol.

In addition to a variety of foods I have wine and champagne along with a nice bottle of tequila that was a recent gift.

I’m saving it for an upcoming occasion:  My birthday!

I’ve never had tequila outside margaritas so I’m looking forward to expanding my horizons!

The Vibe?

A great part of it is the fact it’s a sports pub.

I love watching ESPN and sports!

Sports TV deals with passion and dreams fulfilled

Athletes who started out in a crib like the rest of us

Those interviewing are equally passionate.

There’s also vibrant color and movement and all things helpful for the business side of being a writer.

Read: Inspiring!

Note: It wouldn’t work to just turn ESPN on on my laptop or the TV.

It’s kind of a yin/yang thing.

Music is – I’ll admit – a crapshoot.

I think it depends who’s working the bar.

At the moment Steppenwolf’s Magic Carpet Ride is on.

Thumbs’ up!

“…before the thing could answer me – well, someone came and took the lamp away…”

Been there, done that.

What I know is that I solved one problem and wound up with a laundry list of to-do’s as well as the challenge of figuring out what of the energy here I can transfer to my home work space to inject a bit of that yang energy.

There has to be a balance. 

All I have to do is find it…

SIGNS: ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?

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I was recently having a back and forth with a friend about manifesting.  

Specifically, timing.

Time

One of my favorite concepts.

She reminded me that we are not necessarily in charge of the when of something.

Ironically, I was afraid what I was visualizing would manifest before I was ready!

She went on to share a method she employs when working on manifesting.

Show me a Sign

After telling me she is a fan of using signs as a way of validating whether or not she is on the right path she shared a personal take on the method.

From a recent email

“I have always looked for signs.  My favorite saying is…If God’s willing!  Meaning if my thoughts are to manifest He will have a hand in it!”

The other points she brought up left me feeling better about going forward with a bit of visualization without worrying my life would be turned to chaos because it manifested before I was ready.

All in Good Time

I’m aware many in the manifestation/visualization business have philosophies on the timing of things including phrases that help assure it happens in the best time for all involved.  In spite of this I have reason to be cautious.

Past experience!

I was still thinking on it the day after getting the email when I was presented with a decision.  Though I knew how I felt about the decision I wanted a bit of cosmic insight, so, I borrowed my friend’s phrase.

“God, if this would be good for our family…please give me a sign”

He did, followed by several subsequent signs, each leading forward until by the end of the day everything was resolved and all involved were happy.

In the days since I’ve thought over the concept of signs and how useful they can be, provided we don’t overly rely on them.

I had a friend long ago who used to see a sign in every shooting star and every coincidence.  This led her to make some poor life choices, then justifying it by saying “I asked God to show me a sign and right after I saw a shooting star.”  That is not what signs are about.

Someone’s Trying to Tell Me Something

Several years ago I had a rather interesting run-in with signs.  It started when I saw a bumper sticker in the parking lot of a store near our home.  It read Well behaved women rarely make history.  While I thought it catchy I didin’t do anything other than mention it to Aaron.

Told him I thought it amusing.  

By the end of the week I had seen that same phrase in several places on a variety of items including t-shirts, plaques, and other bumper stickers.  The locations were not near each other so there was no obvious connection.

Other than thinking the universe must want me to see it.

A short while after we met up with my mom and stepdad in San Diego.  My stepfather and I were in a tourist shop. Sitting on a shelf near the door was a plaque that read Well behaved women rarely make history.

I laughed and told him the phrase was haunting me.

Over the next six months I kept running into that sign no matter where I went, including other trips to other states!

What Does it All Mean?

Honestly, not much more than an amusing story.

However…

From time to time when feeling anxious about a career decision that phrase will pop into my mind. 

I can’t say I always use it as a Go! sign but I do weight the decision through that filter.

Skeptics Invited

When I was in high school I was friends with a guy who was pretty skeptical when it came to anything science couldn’t prove without a doubt.

He was a skeptic but he was also open-minded to the possibility there was more than what could be proved in a lab.

His mom and I used to have some great discussions about the coincidences and signs that had guided us along life’s path.

Neither of us was a skeptic though her husband, an atheist, was.

I was visiting him at college once when he told me a story

His mom, who’d passed away, had given him a gem as a talisman.  He was inspired one day to pick it up and state “If this stuff is real have J walk through my door.”

Less than a minute later she did.

He’d been thinking about his mom, about the gem she’d given him, wondering if it was possible what she’d been telling him about the mysteries and wonders of the universe were real.

Statistics

I recognize there are those who will maintain such an event is no more than a coincidence.  I don’t agree but it doesn’t matter because it’s about the impact it had on my friend at that moment.

Did it turn him into a believer?  I don’t know that so much as he told me it made him feel his mom was close in spirit, looking after him.

If I want to consider whether something is more likely a coincidence than a sign I talk it over with Aaron, who is a math genius.  

He and I have had wonderful discussions about statistics and how easily they are manipulated to suggest something exists when it doesn’t.

I lay out data points then ask the statistical likelihood of a specific outcome.  It’s a good method to employ

Some may feel it takes the magic out of life but it doesn’t.

Am I On the Path?

Jose Silva developed a method I’ve found to be effective when trying to verify if I’m on the right path.

Or not.

This is different than wondering if I should do something.  

I’m in the process of doing it and want to know if I should keep going.

His method, called Mental Video Technique, instructs students to go to level then think over what they are working on.  

Go to level means put your mind at the alpha level which is the daydream state.

Mentally review any actions taken in line with what you are trying to accomplish then upload the video confident it has been received and that within 3 days you will receive feedback.

Upload is the idea of turning the images reviewed mentally over to 

  • Your Higher Power
  • Your Guardian Angel
  • God
  • Universe

for review

He maintained that within 3 days there will be feedback.  

  • If we are going in the right direction we will get positive feedback

i.e., things become smoother, someone/something that can help will appear 

  • If we are going in the wrong direction we will get negative feedback

i.e., things become more difficult, roadblocks begin appearing

I used this method in 2000 when Aaron and I were trying to relocate from Michigan.

The previous winter we had 17 consecutive days with no sun and an incredible amount of snow.  So much that he and I were standing on our relatively flat roof hip-deep in snow, trying to get it off so it didn’t crash through skylights and/or leak in near the chimney and cause damage the way it was all over the Metro area.  

I broke 2 brooms and a shovel because the snow was so heavy.  

At one point I looked over to where he was shoveling snow off his side of the roof and said “We live here why?”

Initial efforts suggested God didn’t want us moving from Michigan.  Turns out it was where we were looking to move to that was the problem.

At the time we were focused on Arizona since both of us had almost transferred there prior to meeting each other though the idea was to eventually transfer to California.

After getting feedback via the Mental Video Technique – roadblocks galore – I suggested to Aaron maybe we should focus on our first choice, California.

We didn’t think we could afford it so we’d focused on Arizona.

Within two days both of us had job offers.

Two months later we moved to the Bay Area.

While I ended up getting more than I bargained for I don’t regret the transfer.

Many good things happened while we were living there.

Be well!

For more on signs I suggest Robert Moss’ The Three Only Things: Tapping the Power of Dreams, Coincidence, and Imagination.

Post Note: Listening to Reel Around the Sun from Riverdance and realizing that in writing this article I answered a dilemma I’d been dealing with for several months. What sealed it? The Mental Video Method.

Only in my case I wasn’t uploading anything. It was simply a matter of “You know, it’s awfully interesting my life got so difficult after …”

MANIFESTING: THE LONG ARC OF COMING TO BE

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Note:  Early version excerpt from upcoming book at the end.

Sitting in a shaded area  getting ready to work on Hollow Shelter and pondering the newest manifestation mystery.  Or pherhaps a better word is conundrum because mystery implies I don’t understand it when I do whereas conundrum – to me at least – conveys I don’t know what to do with it.

If anything I’m a bit apprehensive because of what it means.

It was revealed last night

As I was pulling the curtains closed I happened to glance out the window and while I’ve done that dozens of times in previous months the lighting was just right to illuminate something I hadn’t noticed before.  

I recognized the scene!

Not because I’d seen it before but because I remembered it – from a movie.

One I saw in childhood while living in Florida.

It isn’t that any movies were filmed here that made it so familiar.  It was that I remember seeing a similar image

A grouping of houses similar in design to what I viewed last night

while watching a movie and thinking – I was 13 at the time – “Wouldn’t it be cool to live in a place like that?”

I can answer my former self since I’m living in one just like it.

I’ve written previously how many of the more dramatic manifestions in my life are tied to a time when I said “Wouldn’t that be cool if -?”  What makes this one startling is that I said those words as a kid and it still came true!

I meant it too – I thought the neighborhood in the movie – the houses and the quiet street – would be so cool to live in.

What makes this one different from the up north Michigan thought from earlier childhood is that that was more generic wheras this is far more specific and tied to details of lifestyle.

I considered the type of families who lived in such a neighborhood and what day to day life would be like.

And Now?

Is it what I hoped for?

A Point in Time

As someone who has moved around the country and traveled the world I have a pretty good idea what I like and don’t like in a neighborhood and much of it is dependent on where I am at a given point in time.

What’s going on in my life that will make or break a location.

I considered as I lay in bed whether or not my experience matches up to what I envisioned when I was watching the movie.  

Yes and No

I concluded it’s a lot like being on the outside and looking in.

Like I felt when watching the movie.

That’s because what I wanted out of a neighborhood when I was 13 and living surrounded by retirees

Almost no kids.

is a lot different than what I would want now.

Even as it’s the same.

Clear as mud right?

If you think about it needs and wants can be the same in a general sense across multiple generations.  Things like safety, walkability, close to services are on the lists of multiple generations looking for their ideal place to call home.  While I appreciate the basic characteristics that fit the childhood wish I no longer need some of them.

Why feel apprehensive?

It makes me wonder what else I said in childhood that may end up manifesting.

I can’t imagine wanting it now though the previous two weren’t bad.

The concern – that I may end up with something I no longer want – brought to mind a conversation I had with The Dude about six years ago wherein I expressed my frustration that by the time I get certain things I may not need or want them any longer.

This conversation led to the solving of the equation something I will be covering on the other site when I repost pages to do with the enigmatic being.

While I’m not going to worry – too much – about what else I might have wished for that may find itself in my future I will consider ways to master the key to it all

Releasing attachment to the outcome.

Which, since we are out of the way energetically speaking, enables the universe to provide what is best in the best way with the best timing.

Yes, I thought it would be cool to live in such a neighborhood, just as I thought while watching Desperately Seeking Susan in high school it would be cool to live in a loft but in neither case – though I got both – did I really care enough about getting it to set out with it as an objective.

I know detachment is key to manifesting and I know for myself every time I’ve said “Wouldn’t it be cool if -?” I had that detachment.  That doesn’t mean I can fool myself or the universe by saying those magic words.  It’s the detachment that’s key and for me that can’t be faked.

I know this much.  The process and steps involved with manifesting or bringing a goal to life are fascianating.

Right up my I love learning alley!

Book excerpt

This is from an early version of Hollow Shelter

I have about 30 pages now

Rock guitarist Clint Malek came to an abrupt halt.  He hadn’t expected anyone to be at the park.  Most everyone who would have been tempted to sit on the bench bearing the name of the donors who made it possible was at the regional playoffs rooting for the home team.  He was about to turn back the way he’d come when he caught the expression the woman was wearing, ID’d the emotion driving it.  

Despair.  

It’d been years since he’d seen painful confusion looking back in the mirror but not so many he didn’t recall wishing for someone to talk with at such dark moments.  The least he could do was offer.

Hollow Shelter will be available in the coming months.

Stay tuned

WRITING WAVES ARE CREATIVE WATERS

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Note: Long

Listening to the playlist for the upcoming Hollow Shelter which got two additional tunes, one of which I’d never heard before watching The Batman last night.

Something in the Way by Nirvana.

When I heard it my mind I tuned the movie out for a moment as I thought “Wow, that would be cool for this upcoming book…”

In spite of having a dream about alligators I woke up feeling pretty good and ready to make what I consider progress writing.

I was washing them down a shower drain with a hose.  Go figure.

But First – A Message From Our Sponsor

Mother Nature

I didn’t just jump into the situation because I needed to consider the impact of intense heat on my ability to work on a novel.

Heat can be distracting.

We have no AC so these times of year when the heat goes up and the breeze disappears?  Not fun.

At least this year I wasn’t forced to shut every window because of fire smoke from California, Oregon, Canada, and Western Washington blowing ash into the air.

I didn’t grow up having AC.

Or a dishwasher.  

Oh wait – we did.  

Me.

Aware of the parameters, I needed to consider my rhythm relative to the arc of increasing then decreasing heat and the likelihood I would be ready to put fingers to keyboard before it got distractingly hot.

Odds weren’t looking good.

I made the best of it which means What’s quick and easy?

Low hanging fruit

The White Board!

I hate lists and don’t technically need them other than to act as nags to get to stuff I’d rather not do.

At the top of the board?

The Dude

Followed by The Store and Marketing – which I also detest.  

It was so much easier working for a corporation that had a Marketing Department.  

Then again, maybe not since 1/2 to 3/4 of my job was explaining to customers why their pie-in-the-sky slide whipping failed because it didn’t include the fine print.

At the bottom of the list is LOGO

How the heck do you create one that does justice to who you are?

Designing a web presence that encompasses all the facets of me is like trying to write a resume that includes life experiences on top of education and work experience that includes being quick enough to dodge male babies ready to get me when changing a diaper at 11.

At least his mom – my aunt – warned me.

I guess I could put that one in with the fact I had a rocket arm that put me in the outfield after I refused to play 1st yet could get the ball and get it to 3rd or home in time to get them out.  

But…

Where would that fit in corporate?  Running to the copy machine and back?  Tossing useless paperwork on a desk with enough force to cause a minor quake?

Been there done that useless Office Space gig

Context

I’ve held a number of jobs throughout the years including working in HR before taking an administrative position that got my foot in the door and in line for becoming a technical consultant.  

With being a tech writer a brilliant segue.

When my boss told me I only got a 2% raise in spite of an outstanding performance review and doing way more than what was in my job classification – because of my job classification?  I asked her what I needed to do to change the classification so it reflected what I did.

So I would get appropriate compensation.

Years and a hell of a lot of hard work including – I kid you not – 80 hour workweeks – later – I succeeded.

How the heck do you get that translated into a website presence?

Not even considering the Destination Unknown topic…or Metatron’s Army…

Ahhhhh the Dude…

So – at the top of the White Board…

As I wrote in the blog post for metatronsarmy.com I needed to sort a few things out before deciding how I would proceed with this part of the web presence.

Talked it over with someone the other night to make sure I wasn’t missing anything in my logic.

While that alone could have fulfilled my definition of having accomplished something I needed more.

This is me.

I added the two songs – of which the Nirvana one is one – then listened thinking maybe I would be inspired to get to Hollow Shelter.

Kind of knew better but it was worth a try…

And then I saw those orange sticky notes.  Not ready to throw in the towel and work on that blog post I considered the chaos in front of me

Chaos I can easily sort out since it would only be chaos to the untrained – aka not a writer – eye.

Not ready to move on because I had unfinished business of a creative and thus esoteric nature I took time to have a conversation with a friend about lessons learned from emptying the damn basket.

That landed me in other people’s cesspits

For months

Damn it…

As I was wrapping up the 15 minute conversation I smiled because I knew everything was as it should be.

Even if I could have done without the doo-doo bath.

The previous 24 hours showed me the creative process I’ve employed throughout my life – serious multi-tasking** combined with ignoring idiots – is working beautifully.

Ignoring Idiots?

I’ll give two examples

I was 8

I was never a fan of cooked spinach.

I like it now.

One evening when I was in 3rd grade my mom served a side of it.  I ate everything on the plate but the spinach.  Dad was not impressed.

I didn’t care.

I looked at my mom and asked why she made it if she knew we didn’t like it.

She is not the idiot here. She told me it was nutritious and even Popeye liked it.

My younger brother’s answer

He was watching – likely taking notes what not to do

Smother everything in ketchup and swallow it down.

I didn’t like catsup at that point.

Yes I spelled it differently on purpose…

My dad started riding me about it. I told him “I eat tons of vegetables including lima beans and brussels sprouts.”

Wasn’t that good enough? I mean come on – brussels sprouts? LIMA BEANS?

  “I won’t eat spinach and you can’t make me.”

Oooh challenging someone who hasn’t quite figured out I was dead serious.

Initially amused he quickly realized I was.  

I wonder if it was my mom’s expression of “What are you going to do now and oh by the way I need to deal with this all the time” ?

I wasn’t going to eat that glop on the plate.

He tried guilt.

“There are kids starving somewhere…”

Having heard the same from nuns who stole my lunch money to give to kids in some other country when – my family was super poor – I needed that milk

Aka -I wasn’t impressed – and told him so.

After he quit yelling at my mom because the nuns were taking my lunch money to give it to something called pagan babies he pointed and told me to eat.

“No.”

He then threatened to send me to my room.

Never threaten a creative

Picking up my glass of milk I said “With pleasure!” as I dumped it on my plate, stood up and went to my room where I proceeded to write a story.

Acting it out as – being a kid – I wasn’t afraid of playing house.

I don’t know if my dad was disgusted with me for not caring, for the fact guilt didn’t work when it probably had with him when he was in Catholic school, or that he couldn’t throttle me without risk of killing me

As he almost did with my mother once-upon-a-time

thus idiot…

All I know is he yanked open the door and ordered me to leave the house and get lost somewhere he didn’t have to see me.

Typical night…

I was 26

Up Front

I need to reiterate my path through life has been unconventional.

Understatement.

Something certain managers in the Corporate Black Hole years didn’t seem to grasp.

At one point along the path of working for a company that had 145K employees when I started and 39 when I quit a manager advised me to take a roll on a project.

A project I knew from a guy who was on it – a guy I was dating – was going up in flames.

I already had a job in California though I hadn’t yet enlightened him.  Knowing not to burn bridges I smiled 

Can’t say it wasn’t an evil smile

I told him that I was looking to the future

Hey – I had a life vest

I gave him a number of examples only some of which had been supplied by the guy I was dating – unbeknownst to the manager – as to why this project was the Titanic

He pointed to the door and yelled at me to get out

With pleasure

Which I did – to California

It was a huge promotion complete with increased responsibilities and – finally – compensation

Riding the Writing Waves

Aka as I was writing this afternoon

After lunch while listening to Nirvana

Feeling the energy going into the post I got the image of waves and my own self riding them

Bobbing in the Creative waters

Warm waters of love that won’t let you drown

Just another facet of my creative stamp on the world

Serious Multi-tasking?

Dead serious

** I grew up in a family where Sunday dinners at Grandma’s house involved at least 30 people

Usually 50 or more

Multiple generations not all of whom were family but all deserving of Highland Hospitality

My maternal grandpa’s words for “There’s always room for one more/there’s always someone worse off than you.”

I needed to keep on my toes to maintain all those conversations while holding babies – at 8 years of age – and helping 4 and 5 year-old younger cousins get food to give their parents a break while answering adult questions – including from people in from out of town who were 2 and 3 generations removed

I was told to respect them even if I had no idea who they were and thought they wore too much perfume/cologne and dressed funny.

Well, except for the ones who had the good sense to show up in a kilt.

Questions Questions – from Strangers

Was I doing well in school?

Yes

Was I obeying the nuns?

You’re kidding right?

How do you express that on a website?

Even two

IN THE DARK REACH FOR THE TORCH [OF HOPE & PAST SUCCESS]

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Like so many I was going along merrily when the pandemic knocked me off the path and when I stood up I saw the path was gone.  As someone who remembers the Hong Kong flu and SARS I,  I knew we were in for it.

I was young with the Hong Kong flu but it made quite the impression given both my parents got it and my brother and I were shipped off to grandparents for duration.

I initially channeled the frustration into writing.

I wrote five books in about that many weeks!

After that was done – we were about a year in – I turned back to the washed out path and tried to decide what I was going to do with it. As someone who has had to rebuild my life a number of times when plans went sideways I felt confident I could figure something out. 

That tenacity incidentally is how I figured out the whole EMF Sensitivity fiasco!

The devastation went much further along that path than I imagined.  I did my best to continue focusing on what I could control.

Writing.

It was working and likely would have continued to work had multiple outside stressors not popped up.

Including extended isolation.

Incredibly frustrated I reached out to a friend via email to get his take on turning focus to more positive energies.  He had some good words for me to contemplate but it was in thinking them over later that I found my answer. It wasn’t what he suggested that led me to this place but the idea that I didn’t want to let him down.  I didn’t want to be one of those people who “dumps and runs.”

Tells you every bad thing and then you don’t hear from them again until months or years later when they say “Oh, that?  Oh that’s not a problem anymore…”

It isn’t that I regularly tap him or anyone and in fact my mom and I are both people who deliberately isolate ourselves and don’t communicate when things are rough for the simple fact we don’t want to spread negativity.

I can always tell when things aren’t going well for her because I won’t hear anything.  Ha ha.

For me to have reached out like that meant I was in a pickle in terms of knowing what to do and that he took the time to give me his thoughts on life?  I didn’t want to let him down.

I also didn’t want to spread fake cheer so I resolved not to respond to his email until I had something genuine to report. 

Today was that day.

I’m going to share how I pulled myself out of the funk because it might help others going through tough times.

From the email:

…But – college can’t teach you how to recreate your life when a pandemic wipes out the path you were on.  That has been a lot of the trouble.  Two years in I am beyond fatigued.  Which is why I am determined to create something new.

To that end I gave it a lot of thought and decided a decent place to start was to go back to when I was in a bad spot in my life eons ago and do now what I did then.

Visualization and meditation.

I have a unique way to do meditation because it dovetails prayer of thanks for family, friends, health, etc.  Then moves along a guided path that I had luck with in the mid 90s which were not happy times for me.  

I refer to them as the Corporate Black Hole years.

So far so good and I’m getting some interesting results.  I am having more vivid dreams than I did and I’m definitely sleeping better.

Psychic dreams!

I don’t have an end vision per se but just going through the familiar practice and following where it goes is having a positive impact.  It probably helps that I had a very positive outcome the last time I used this. 

 I really turned my life around.

End of Email Inclusion

I do not have a specific vision that I am moving toward so much as just going through the relaxation/visualization/meditation process I developed years ago.  It’s a kluge of Dr. Taub’s guided meditation script that I’ve modified combined with Silva’s Long Relax, and a bit of Fairlyland City from Robert Stone’s Celestial 911.

This is more or less the same kluge I began in 1996 after stumbling on Shakti Gawain’s Creative Visualization Workbook.

Which inspired me to follow an internal nudge to go to a different Border’s Books where I found Celestial 911 which listed the Silva Method as a resource which sent me to the BLS in Akron, Ohio, which…

I bought the Dr. Taub health pack at a party hosted by one of my aunts.

I’ve never looked back.  I even have them on Mp3 – they are that helpful!

I’ve loaned the casettes to others over the years when they were going through a rough spot.

Every one of them got good results.

I donated them about a year ago.

Feeling Better

I’m not sure which is responsible for the quick improvement – the process or the fact I had great success with it before.

In the Silva Method we learn to review previous successes as a way to “prime” the unconscious for continued success.

What I do know is that within days of doing this very unique kluge I’m feeling better and more optimistic than a week ago.

And yet nothing in the observable world has changed.

I know my friend is equally frustrated with the way life went sideways so I suggested if there were any old tools in his arsenal – a flashlight to light the way – he repurpose them.

It is advice I’m putting out in general.

Be well!

MANIFESTING: WOULDN’T IT BE COOL?

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I was sitting on my porch the other night admiring the gradient changes in a twilight sky and thinking how lucky I was to have such a view.  I took a deep breath appreciating the ability to breathe clean air when I was hit with the realzation I was living a wish fulfilled.  Though I’ve had a number of manifestation successes in my life, this one is interesting in that

  • I made the wish when I was 7
  • I shared the wish with someone who immediately told me how impractical it was
  • I forgot about it
  • I never did one conscious thing to make it happen

Origin of a Wish

When I was a kid we lived about 11 miles as the crow flies from the River Rouge plant.  Each summer we would go camping on Lake Huron.

We genereally went to the Oscoda area but sometimes we’d go further north.

One of my favorite things to do was stand on the beach at evening twilight and stare up at a sky filled with stars.

A number of factors including light pollution meant this wasn’t possible at home.

I also loved walking through the woods with my dad.

I love trees and the fresh air was wonderful.

The summer I was 7 I told my dad it would be cool to live up north.

So we could enjoy beautiful twilight skies and fresh air all year long.

He told me it wasn’t practical.

Because of the economy.

He explained that a tourist economy meant those living in that area faced a lot of financial adversity.

I didn’t need to hear any more.

We were already poor.

I let go of the wish.

Though not the desire to have the benefits of the wish, beautiful twilight skies and fresh air to breathe.

This morning as I again considered the irony of this particular wish fulfilled I came to realze a number of my manifestation successes have something in common.  They almost always start with a specific phrase.

Wouldn’t It Be Cool?

In high school I went with a friend to see Desperately Seeking Susan.  As I sat in the theatre watching the scene where Aidan Quinn and Rosanna Arquette  are on the roof of the loft talking I thought Wouldn’t it be cool to live in a loft in an urban area like that?

It was a fleeting thought.

Though one I repeated – out loud – several years later to a different friend while we were watching the movie on cable.

Other than the brief repeat I didn’t give it any more thought.

I did nothing to make it happen.

Approximately ten years later I found myself living that life not because I consciously set my sights to living in an urban loft but because it just unfolded that way.

Even then I knew something was up.

Too much of a coincidence as it was too close to my high school vision.

By the time we were living in Fort Collins, Colorado I’d figured out that every time I uttered those words…Wouldn’t it Be Cool?  I got the wish.

Just one problem.

It can’t be forced!

Manifestation gurus would likely explain the process – saying Wouldn’t it be cool? then letting it go – is the detachment necessary to bring something to be and they’d be right.  Unfortunately, I can’t force the detachment.  When it comes to my successes using this phrase?  Every time I’ve uttered those words it was done with a negligent shrug.  

There was no emotional attachment to an outcome.

To this day I am unable to fake the detachment.

I can say the words but my unconscious mind is smart.  It knows when I’m saying the words but failing in the detachment part.

Fortunately, I’ve a number of other options for manifestation.  Given the unique nature of the success stories I will include them here.

So others can give them a try if they wish.

The Ideal Scene

In 1996 during a challenging part of my life  I bought Shakti Gawain’s Creative Visualization Workbook.

I’d never heard of visualization or manifestation.

The book was on a table at the front of Border’s Books where I’d gone to find something to distract myself from my troubles.

Though I diligently completed each exercise it was The Ideal Scene I was most intrigued by.

Maybe because I’m a writer?

I wrote out details for my ideal relationship, following the rules about not being too specific yet putting in details that were important.  Then I put the book aside.

Never looked at it again.

Several years later while unpacking a box in the living room of our Downtown San Francisco loft I pulled out the workbook.

I’d forgotten about it.

I’d packed it in a box of books and other items I’d been moving around the country.

As I read what I wrote – in pencil – in The Ideal Scene – I got a big smile.  I’d married the man I wrote as being ideal for me.

The way I described him in that letter was more or less a perfect match for how I would have described him that day.

Encouraged by the success I used that technique to manifest the house we bought after the loft and while I was again successful I learned a big lesson.

Be exact in your wording.

When writing the Ideal Scene about the house I wanted for our family I described the number of rooms and bathrooms – that it had wood floors and a fireplace – the yard, nice neighbors, safe, etc. and yes I got everything exact.  What was missing?  I didn’t put in the style of house.

I would have preferred something other than a ranch.

Alas, this is another method that is apparently tied to detachment.

A detachment I can’t fake.

I let go of that particular process for manifesting when we were living in Fort Collins.

A Picture Worth a 1000 Words

We were living in Scottsdale and trying to determine our next move.

We always knew it would be a temporary place where we could regroup after the horrific fallout from the EMF Sensitivity nightmare.

We could move pretty much anywhere we wanted.

We were split between New England and So Cal.

We had a number of options before us.  

Too many options.

After months of attempting to come to a decision I decided to shove the location question aside and focus instead on the type of dwelling I wanted.  One thing was clear.  I desperately missed living in a city.

I couldn’t stand living in a suburb – something I’d never experienced growing up.

Stupid HOA rules and incredible boredom.

I found a cool picture of a couple dancing in their urban loft.

It was an advertisement for the building.

Uncertain of a location at this point I also cut out a picture of a cool house.

It was a view of part of the inside.

Completely different it had a bit of a New England fishing town vibe.

Time passed and we eventually decided on So Cal, moving to an urban loft after touring the gorgeous housing area to the north left me feeling nauseated.

I explained to Aaron my heart would always be in Downtown San Diego.

I needed the freedom and energy of the urban life.

Memories of subdivisions and HOA stuff left me feeling ill.

And then…

Eventually thanks to the twists and turns so common in my life I found myself in the Pacific Northwest.  One afternoon while at my desk I looked up to realize I was looking at the other photo from Scottsdale.

Everything was exact, including the color of paint on the wall.

A color that was here when we moved in.

What stood out about this particular manifestation success is that I didn’t consciously create it.

I didn’t consciously create either one of the options yet got both.

I’d been torn between the two to the degree I got pictures of each and though they were on my desk in AZ, I put them out of my mind.

I see the connection in all of these successes is detachment.  What’s interesting is that the detachment happened differently in each case.

Showing there’s more than one way to skin a wish.

In concluding I will list my favorite books on manifesting.

They light my optimism when I’m feeling down or stuck in neutral.

LET WALKING DO THE IMAGINATION

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I’m thoroughly enjoying the Metatron’s Army reboot project.  It not only gives me insight into how my writing style has evolved, it gives me a chance to check whether the plans I have for future books in this series make sense.

I’m happy to say they do!

I’ll admit it was frustrating to discover errors I’d corrected previously had somehow wound up in the versions that were published.  

I even lost an entire section I’d added.

I’m still in the process of investigating how the sync’ing error happened.

Rereading has provided insight into my creative process, albeit primarily with respect to this series.  Many scenes bring back memories of where I was and what I was doing while coming up with them.  

Good memories.

Several have one thing in common:  I was walking while creating.

A number of the scenes were created while I was on a treadmill, going as far back as 1998 living in Michigan. Others were done while I walked outside.

Especially at the Cranbrook Institute which inspired more than one scene in the MA series.

As I thought over the various places I’ve lived and walked I realized that a number of my non-Metatron’s Army projects came about while I was walking.

After moving to the west, most of that walking was done outdoors.

  • The Kerry’s Game/Psi Adventure Series was conceived while I was living downtown San Francisco

Though much of the secondary location – AZ – was inspired from when I lived in Scottsdale and would drive to Tucson for research and pleasure.

  • Soothsayer was conceived while I walked in triple digit temps during a Scottsdale summer.

Though I published Port in a Storm first, that book was conceived years later,  while people watching at KEXP in Seattle.

  • Mirror was conceived on a walk along the Embarcadero in San Diego.

Though the idea for the Ghost Games series – of which Mirror was originally the first – was planted as I was walking down the stairwell of the building I was living in Downtown San Diego.

It’s been a long time since I’ve used walking as a way to stimulate creativity.

I’d swapped to playing Free Cell as it put me in a meditative state ideal for incubating projects.  Having uninstalled it several weeks ago, however, I see the need to reconsider walking.

It isn’t as critical to this current reboot project but it will certainly help as I move forward with the next.

Especially as I’ve resolved the question of Prologue V. Chapter One!

But first things first, an enjoyable memory walk through the process of creating.

Have a great weekend!

BRINGING LIFE TO THE WRITER

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Note:  This post is lengthy.

Listening to UltraVox’s A Friend I Call Desire and working on a fiction project.

Also working on Project Happy.

Andddd….

Making my way through that basket.  

I have work to do!  I need to get some of the crap in there out.

Thanks to a series of events, one leading to the next, I had a very helpful flash of insight.

While listening to the playlist I created for the nonfiction project and staring, more or less unfocused, at a very cool image in my workspace.

I wrote previously that I no longer have Free Cell at my disposal – the MacOS doesn’t like it.

Or would that be the universe telling me to ditch it because it’s a crutch I no longer need?

Tired of having my system lock up because of it I just deinstalled the game.

That it locked up while I was working on my manuscripts?  A message I think.

I tried other Free Cell games from the app store but they all resulted in the system locking up.

Always while I was in MS Word working on a book.

I have not had one problem since de-installing the game.

Message received.

The insight was accompanied by a wonderful feeling; a feeling that immediately mapped to an image, from when I was with my dad in So Cal.

Both when I was a teen after my parents divorced (Downey, CA) and then later (Norwalk, CA) when I visited while waiting for my Sunnyvale Apartment to be ready to move into.

What each of those times have in common, along with a third non-California image, are that I was incredibly prolific in fiction.

I kicked out books in weeks while staying with him.  That second time?  I finished a book I’d been working on for years but had set aside – in a week.

Obviously, there’s something about the place.

That was the point.

Something I will be writing about in the upcoming nonfiction project.

Hint:  It has to do with geologic EMFs.

There’s a point to this.

Understanding I was being given important information I focused on that wonderful feeling.

Specifically, why had it been so long since I’ve felt it?

Fortunately, in remembering it I was able to feel it again.  

It means I’m capable still.  The potential hasn’t been ripped out – by life.

Deep diving into what happened between then and now I came to see that certain events – and the individuals behind them – put a serious dent in my dreams.

These events happened in my early 20s; some during the Corporate Black Hole era.

Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing.

There’s a scene in Metatron’s Legacy, one character talking with another:

“And the Iconoclast took advantage of that fear, crushed your hope by playing into it.  He crushed your dreams by exploiting your fear.  That’s what evil does, exploits your dreams, turns them against you, convinces you they can never come to be even as they lie and tell you they will help you make them happen.”

I was able to write this scene because I’m all too familiar with the elements in it, having been on the receiving end of it both in and out of the Corporate Black Hole.

I had more dreams than just being a successful fiction writer.

This issue was sitting in the basket, not too far from the bottom.  It’s an item I didn’t realize was taking up so much space though I was aware of it.

I  knew someday I’d have to address it.

Knowing the what isn’t the same as knowing how.

Though I have a couple of ideas.  More music?  Definitely.

Not Alone.

It helps that I don’t have to pull this off on my own.

The universe obviously wanted me to deal with the crap in the basket that isn’t mine. 

A number of random recent emails and/or texts have been tools to deal with the situation.

It isn’t just friends.

Readers have been in my corner as well, something I am truly grateful for.

Patience and understanding with all those web changes?  Switchbacks as I make my way forward?

Ironic – as I’m writing this? The lyrics “…but I’ll never betray your trust…” from Angel Mine by the Cowboy Junkies are coming over the headphones.  It is trust between writer and reader.

Something I’ve worked not to betray.

To give you an idea how eclectic this particular list is, I’m now listening to Army of Me by Bjork.

I also have Cracker, Blue Oyster Cult, Breaking Benjamin, Gary Numan, and Ultravox on this particular list.

This item is one of the slimier icky things in the basket.

With roots that spiderwebbed their way into other items also in the basket.

It’ll take a bit of finesse to deal with it.

The Plan.

A big part of the resolution is simply emptying the basket of what isn’t mine.  For the most part this consists of labels, judgments, and/or other items that do not properly reflect reality.

Deepak Chopra does an excellent job articulating this concept when he writes about how so many labels are put on us like so many coats on a rack. 

It directly ties into the challenge of how I organize my writing, both with genre and on the website.

How do I do justice to all the facets of me as a writer?

Where did this come from?

Well…

It was in the basket.

Why now?

Several months ago I made a Feng Shui tweak that set this all in motion.

And my head’s been spinning ever since.

And now?

The plan is to keep going forward.  I have a lot of projects in various states of completion.  My objective?  Get them completed!

Where do I put this?

That’s the question, isn’t it?

Still.

I have a couple of ideas I’m tossing around.  In order to give them context I need to reprint a nonfiction book I’d pulled.

Because I couldn’t figure out where to put it in the catalogue!

It’s a book on surviving child abuse.

I remember, all too well, the giant silence after I released it in 2013.

The Silent Ones.

I was so unnerved by the cosmic silence that Aaron made a point to use science to help out.

He explained that it was simply a case of action/reaction.  I’d sent energy into the universe.  It took time for the reaction.

He also explained that though people may not comment, it didn’t mean they had a negative reaction.

He called them the Silent Ones.

It helped me get through those early weeks when there was nothing but silence, though a few people did reach out in support, including one guy who said, “You let them off easy.”

I told him, “Yeah, well there are a lot of innocents who have nothing to do with this and I don’t want them pulled into it.”

I also didn’t want to feed the ghouls who gorge on this kind of drama.

I still don’t but I have a plan.

What Else?

I’m still working!

I wrote scripts today for videos providing insight into the writing of Dragon Core and Metatron’s Army.  They will be available soon.

Stay tuned.

BRINGING A STORY TO LIFE: CONTAGIOUS JOY

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Note:  This article is a nod to the couple at the Hella Mega tour whose energy was infectious and inspiring!

After weeks of almost nonstop work I was looking forward to getting a break at the Hella Mega show.  

The weather was perfect, the atmosphere around the stadium mellow yet festive, the bands way cool.

It turns out the show was not only an opportunity to relax, it was a chance to confirm a few facts.

In other words, work.

As I’m in the process of releasing a book that’s part of the World of EMF it makes sense that at least part of my focus was on how I was feeling in a stadium filled with technology.  As I sat listening to Wheezer, looking up at a blue sky, I realized I felt completely 100% normal for the first time in I don’t remember.

The psychological toll EMF Sensitivity can take on a person means that even after physical symptoms are gone there’s a bit of PTSD to deal with.

I looked around at the sheer number of cell phones, the stage setup, thought of all the tech at the food and beverage stands and the fact that being in downtown Seattle, I was exposed to a lot of WiFi including 5G,  And yet I felt totally fine.

Rather than return to my seat after eating I decided to enjoy the show from a higher perch where I could do some people watching.

One of a writer’s favorite activities.

I took in the energy of the place, the ages of the fans, noting how many cross-generational groups there were and how cool that was in terms of bringing people together for fun.  

Sanity Check.  Though I’d been enjoying myself I kept taking an internal pulse as if I couldn’t believe how good and how normal I felt.  Recognizing this might become a bit too distracting and I’d actually stop enjoying myself if I wasn’t careful I tried to redirect my focus to just enjoying the music.

Health Check.  The sun hadn’t even set when the stadium became filled with thousands of cell phone lights.  Unfortunately, as cool as it was, it was a reminder that there was a time not long ago I couldn’t have been in such an environment without being sick. 

The thought definitely distracted me from the show.

After acknowledging this truth I again confirmed I felt completely fine and tried to redirect my focus to the music.

Fun Check.  Well the universe must have been listening because the next thing I know my focus was on the most enthusiastic couple I have seen in decades.  

Not since the H. O. R. D. E. Festival at Pine Knob.

Standing not far from me they  held hands while they danced, periodically looking at each other with smiles that rivaled the cell phones in lighting up the space.  

The joy just spilled out of them.

Reality Check.  A most interesting thing happened.  Like with the cell phone lights, seeing their energy and enthusiasm, their pure joy at being alive and being together – connected to the joy of thousands of others – I again became aware of how normal I felt only this time instead of bringing my focus back to EMF Sensitivity it took me to  that same joy.

The joy of being connected to thousands gathered for fun, the joy of being connected to happiness.

With that energy going through me I saw the musicians in a new light, taking in not only the energy with which they moved around the stage but the happiness they radiated.

They were very happy to be there.

I then noted the happiness of the stadium guy standing at the top of the aisle where my seat was, of the woman who poured a cabernet for me, of the couples sitting at the tables throughout the Club Level where I was standing.

The couple continued dancing, smiling, sharing their joy with any and all who might be close enough to see them.

Trust me, it was contagious.  I saw lots and lots of smiles after people caught sight of them.

In addition to feeling the happiness I was treated to another bonus being near them, inspiration. 

A creative’s best friend.

Not one to miss an opportunity to write I pulled out my phone and typed notes that will find their way into an upcoming Port Gallatan story.  Just like the World of EMF and the Hella Mega experience, it will be a story with a happy ending.

Stay tuned.

As a result of new information gained by going to the concert I will be adding content to the upcoming book Ignoring the Rules: An Intriguing Approach to Resolving Calcium Toxicity. This will push the release date.