Note: This post is lengthy.
Listening to UltraVox’s A Friend I Call Desire and working on a fiction project.
Also working on Project Happy.
Andddd….
Making my way through that basket.
I have work to do! I need to get some of the crap in there out.
Thanks to a series of events, one leading to the next, I had a very helpful flash of insight.
While listening to the playlist I created for the nonfiction project and staring, more or less unfocused, at a very cool image in my workspace.
I wrote previously that I no longer have Free Cell at my disposal – the MacOS doesn’t like it.
Or would that be the universe telling me to ditch it because it’s a crutch I no longer need?
Tired of having my system lock up because of it I just deinstalled the game.
That it locked up while I was working on my manuscripts? A message I think.
I tried other Free Cell games from the app store but they all resulted in the system locking up.
Always while I was in MS Word working on a book.
I have not had one problem since de-installing the game.
Message received.
The insight was accompanied by a wonderful feeling; a feeling that immediately mapped to an image, from when I was with my dad in So Cal.
Both when I was a teen after my parents divorced (Downey, CA) and then later (Norwalk, CA) when I visited while waiting for my Sunnyvale Apartment to be ready to move into.
What each of those times have in common, along with a third non-California image, are that I was incredibly prolific in fiction.
I kicked out books in weeks while staying with him. That second time? I finished a book I’d been working on for years but had set aside – in a week.
Obviously, there’s something about the place.
That was the point.
Something I will be writing about in the upcoming nonfiction project.
Hint: It has to do with geologic EMFs.
There’s a point to this.
Understanding I was being given important information I focused on that wonderful feeling.
Specifically, why had it been so long since I’ve felt it?
Fortunately, in remembering it I was able to feel it again.
It means I’m capable still. The potential hasn’t been ripped out – by life.
Deep diving into what happened between then and now I came to see that certain events – and the individuals behind them – put a serious dent in my dreams.
These events happened in my early 20s; some during the Corporate Black Hole era.
Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing.
There’s a scene in Metatron’s Legacy, one character talking with another:
“And the Iconoclast took advantage of that fear, crushed your hope by playing into it. He crushed your dreams by exploiting your fear. That’s what evil does, exploits your dreams, turns them against you, convinces you they can never come to be even as they lie and tell you they will help you make them happen.”
I was able to write this scene because I’m all too familiar with the elements in it, having been on the receiving end of it both in and out of the Corporate Black Hole.
I had more dreams than just being a successful fiction writer.
This issue was sitting in the basket, not too far from the bottom. It’s an item I didn’t realize was taking up so much space though I was aware of it.
I knew someday I’d have to address it.
Knowing the what isn’t the same as knowing how.
Though I have a couple of ideas. More music? Definitely.
Not Alone.
It helps that I don’t have to pull this off on my own.
The universe obviously wanted me to deal with the crap in the basket that isn’t mine.
A number of random recent emails and/or texts have been tools to deal with the situation.
It isn’t just friends.
Readers have been in my corner as well, something I am truly grateful for.
Patience and understanding with all those web changes? Switchbacks as I make my way forward?
Ironic – as I’m writing this? The lyrics “…but I’ll never betray your trust…” from Angel Mine by the Cowboy Junkies are coming over the headphones. It is trust between writer and reader.
Something I’ve worked not to betray.
To give you an idea how eclectic this particular list is, I’m now listening to Army of Me by Bjork.
I also have Cracker, Blue Oyster Cult, Breaking Benjamin, Gary Numan, and Ultravox on this particular list.
This item is one of the slimier icky things in the basket.
With roots that spiderwebbed their way into other items also in the basket.
It’ll take a bit of finesse to deal with it.
The Plan.
A big part of the resolution is simply emptying the basket of what isn’t mine. For the most part this consists of labels, judgments, and/or other items that do not properly reflect reality.
Deepak Chopra does an excellent job articulating this concept when he writes about how so many labels are put on us like so many coats on a rack.
It directly ties into the challenge of how I organize my writing, both with genre and on the website.
How do I do justice to all the facets of me as a writer?
Where did this come from?
Well…
It was in the basket.
Why now?
Several months ago I made a Feng Shui tweak that set this all in motion.
And my head’s been spinning ever since.
And now?
The plan is to keep going forward. I have a lot of projects in various states of completion. My objective? Get them completed!
Where do I put this?
That’s the question, isn’t it?
Still.
I have a couple of ideas I’m tossing around. In order to give them context I need to reprint a nonfiction book I’d pulled.
Because I couldn’t figure out where to put it in the catalogue!
It’s a book on surviving child abuse.
I remember, all too well, the giant silence after I released it in 2013.
The Silent Ones.
I was so unnerved by the cosmic silence that Aaron made a point to use science to help out.
He explained that it was simply a case of action/reaction. I’d sent energy into the universe. It took time for the reaction.
He also explained that though people may not comment, it didn’t mean they had a negative reaction.
He called them the Silent Ones.
It helped me get through those early weeks when there was nothing but silence, though a few people did reach out in support, including one guy who said, “You let them off easy.”
I told him, “Yeah, well there are a lot of innocents who have nothing to do with this and I don’t want them pulled into it.”
I also didn’t want to feed the ghouls who gorge on this kind of drama.
I still don’t but I have a plan.
What Else?
I’m still working!
I wrote scripts today for videos providing insight into the writing of Dragon Core and Metatron’s Army. They will be available soon.
Stay tuned.
Elizabeth Maxim 