Letting Go of Anger

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This morning I was thinking about a couple I know who have overcome adversity without being bitter for what they had to go through.  In point of fact they shower the world and everyone in their sphere with love and joy.  This had me recalling a conversation with a relative.  

Some years back at a family gathering.

“You were never angry like that.”

It was in the context of how individuals may act out their frustrations, might take their anger out on those around them.  

It wasn’t the time or place to get into it but truth was, I had been angry at one point in time.  I just held it inside.  

Source

Long before the Me-Too movement women in business were facing challenges.

In spite of a few bad apples I thrived in a male dominated industry.

I enjoyed a strong working relationship and work friendships with many guys – customers and coworkers – throughout my decades in tech.

I’m still friends with some of them decades later.

Solution

There came a point where I could see the anger I was holding inside was harming me and I did look for solutions. 

  • I read about forgiveness – the anger harms the person more than the one who did the harm.
  • I meditated
  • I read books on the subject
  • I talked to someone from my church

Weirdly, those actions only made me more angry.

What finally worked?

I will never forget the day.

I was pacing my bedroom raging at the injustice and suddenly – for whatever reason – I stopped mid-stomp and said to myself I had a right to be angry.

I was harmed. Anger is a natural response.

It was an epiphany.  

I had a right to be angry?

I stood staring at my dresser for the longest time with the words I have a right to be angry going through my mind on a loop.  And in that moment the anger dissolved.

It was giving myself the right to be angry that enabled me to let everything go and move on with my life.

Maybe sharing this will help someone going through their own challenge with emotions tied to being treated poorly.

Be well.

To Be Human Adversity is Necessary

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This morning I was reading an article about how Ozempic and its counterparts – available in pill form – will revolutionize weight loss.  As I was reading of the potential global impact of “a pill” a couple thoughts came to mind.

  • In Total Recall we see what life is like when you don’t have to actually live an experience to believe you’ve had it.**
  • Taking a pill without having to do any work is a slippery slope

I think this solution has incredible potential and can transform lives.  I also have concerns that taking a pill without understanding the underlying variables that got a person to the point of Type 2 diabetes means there’s a chance once the person stops taking the medication the variables – likely still a part of their lives – mean they are vulnerable to getting back to square one.

My conclusion?

Overcoming adversity is what makes us grow stronger.  It’s how we – as humans – have evolved throughout the centuries as we faced down existential threats in the form of ice ages, plagues, and more.  

In facing down those threats, finding cooperative ways as a society to overcome, we ensured we lived on stronger and theoretically better.

Overcoming adversity is what makes us human.  Take that away?  What will we be?

Pills and tech solutions can’t fix life if you don’t do the work.

Do the hard stuff.  You’ll thank yourself later.

Be well.

** I recognize athletes and others who use visualization (myself included) successfully tap into the brain’s natural ability to do this.

A Sign Spring is Around the Corner

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This is for A across the pond.

February and March are interesting months and depending where you live in the US confounding because you’re desperately looking for signs of spring and warmer [read better] days to come.

They fainted!

I remember my first house – seeing the daffodils popping up and thinking Mother Nature paid the bill!  Spring has sprung!  And then…

The next morning I was trying my hand with a snow blower so I could get my car out of the drive and get to work.

Never mind the plow doing the subdivision streets made it so I couldn’t get out of my driveway BLEEP. I just wanted to back out of my driveway so I could go to work.

NOTE: The snow blower vibrated so much the nut flew off – landed somewhere in the snow – never found it. Spent the entire time bent over holding the piece together – sprayed the wall of my house with a wall of snow** while bent over holding the thing together.

Can only imagine my neighbors watching – drinking beer and laughing at the fool trying to clear the driveway only to have the HOA plow block her ability to go to work.

I managed to get to work but…

Ginsu Moment

I pulled into my plowed driveway to see my precious daffodils had all fainted – their beautiful flowers laying their flower heads on ice cold snow.  

I thought they were dead.

I should have trusted Mother Nature.

Within 48 hours

Sun shining on snow  

Drove over the crunchy driveway snow to see my precious signs of spring were standing upright

Life knocks us down but then the sun comes out and we stand up again.

** Aaron still laughs at pulling up seeing a wall of snow on the brick of our house that didn’t melt til July along with the fact we never found the nut that flew off into grass covered in 6 inches of snow.

For Better Or Worse: EMF Sensitivity

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Working on my Dragon Core project – thoughts going through my mind.

EMF Sensitivity

Of course.

Not because I’m still sick because of it but because of random circumstance.

Been There Done That

It was after moving to the San Francisco Bay Area in the fall of 2000 I began to experience symptoms I learned were caused by my sensitivity to ultra low and very low EM Frequencies.

Note:  MY sensitivity.  I’ve often liken blaming cell towers for symptoms to blaming an oak tree for being allergic to it.

Not What You’d Think

The theory the San Francisco 49ers’ increased injuries are influenced by their proximity to an electrical substation have made headlines.

Interesting isn’t it that I didn’t get sick until I moved to the San Francisco Bay Area?

For Better or For Worse

What had me ruminating as I work on a fantasy romance series is the fact Aaron and I had only been married a year when we were plunged into the hell of the World of EMF.  A EE he is the one who ultimately figured out what was causing the mysterious and debilitating health symptoms upending my life.  

And together we walked the journey.

Think of that.  Only married a year and having to deal with something unfathomable.

Insult to EMF Injury

Basically the United States is the only country in the world that denies EMF Sensitivity is real.

In other words?  We were on our own.

Over a journey that spans decades Aaron helped me find answers – always ALWAYS believing in me.

Giving me countless hours to validate theories, facts, and remedies I can and have shared with the world.

That’s forever love.

Humiliation Gives Way to Strength

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Working on a novel when a memory from my days in tech surfaced.  A peon I was in a coveted internal training class.

I desperately wanted to be taken seriously, wanted to have the tech company I was working for while taking college classes at night invest in me.

By Your Command

Battlestar Galactica reference.

For days our instructor wrote command codes on a white board after which we typed them in and watched the WizyWig results.

What You See Is What You Get.

My Friend Friday

As it happens on the last day of class – before lunch break – our instructor wrote out a rather lengthy command code.  Exhausted and on autopilot I typed it in, hit Enter.

Oh My

Everything went down.  My initial reaction was confusion.  Then – as if the hounds of hell were in the room laughing – the instructor said, “But don’t hit this command unless you need to do an emergency hard shutdown because it will take the whole system down.”

Cheeks aflame – I’m not exaggerating – I stared out the window thinking I just ended my career.

My boss would hear about it and I’d never be sent to training again and without training I couldn’t advance let alone get any credibility leading to a promotion.

Humiliation Personified

I will never forget 

  • The look of confusion on the instructor’s face when the system didn’t respond
  • The sound of my tablemate’s voice when he leaned close and said “I know what you did.”
  • The instructor from another classroom who came running in to ask “Did you lose -?”

Sink or Swim

I had a decision to make.  Own up to what I did or slink away with the rest of the group as we were told the class was abruptly and irreparably ended.

I could feel the eyes of the my tablemate boring a hole in the left side of my head.

Did I mention I was the only woman in the class and younger than everyone by about 15 years?  Oh, and my boss had to get a special waiver to get me into the class.

My heart thumping hard enough to leap out of my petrified chest I tentatively raised my hand after which I said, “I thought it was another one of your commands so I typed it then hit enter.”

I will never forget the look on her face – like Seriously?

As humiliating as that career moment was it added a bit of rebar in the building of being comfortable – when it comes to career and life mistakes – in my own skin.

I can be proud of the person I see in the mirror in the morning because I know that person tries their best.

And – regardless of mistakes – always has.

Be well

Note: When I told my tech mentor? He roared with laughter then shared moments of career humiliation so I wouldn’t feel quite so awful.

One Writer’s Path

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As I’m starting work on the first fiction project in over a year a few happy memories surfaced.

Writers Are Born

I’ve been telling stories since I could talk.  One of the fonder memories is a neighbor giving me a prayer book for my 1st Communion that had an inscription

To the little girl with a gift for gab.

Backstory

Larry (neighbor) would spend hours playing basketball with me, teaching me to toss it up since I was too young to throw overhand.

Marie (his sister who lived with them) spent hours while I painted her toenails telling me the virtues of reading and how it can enrich your life – discussing such classics as Welcome to the Monkey House.

She paid me for the pedicure.

Pat – a nurse – was at my bedside when I was coming out of the coma after a subdural hematoma.

Apparently, I snapped, “Don’t touch me your hands are cold!”

She later showed me their family room that had multiple bookshelves lined with books.

She invited me to come over and borrow any book any time and to talk about the book.

Ginsu Moment

There was another neighbor who picked up on my passion for reading.

When I was 6.

She invited me to her living room where several bookshelves lined with books awaited.

Thank You 

I took every one of them up on the offer and so have an incredible rich early exposure to reading.

Fiction and non.

Psst – Pass It On

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was my mom passing on a nugget of wisdom her mom gave to her.  Start reading to your kids when they’re in your tummy.  Move on to children’s books but introduce the love of reading from day one.

As someone who spent close to a year volunteering helping kids learn to read …  I left one of my more challenging students with this response when he questioned why it was worth the effort

“Because once you know how to read you’ll never be lonely again.”

Open Letter to Athletes

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I want to thank athletes – high school – collegiate – professional – from the bottom of my heart for making life better.

I was in line to be a US Olympic gymnast til a freak accident did away with that path.

Two years ago I hit a health wall.

Mental physical emotional.

A big part of what got me through was watching sports.

No one wants to see a player injured but every time I see someone hurt, read about an Olympic hopeful looking down the lens of a life changed by a freak accident?** I’m filled with appreciation for the people – including those other than athletes (coaches, assistants, ball boys/girls, medical personnel, refs) – that make it so I have that moment of peace.

Note:  I went to high school with a beautiful woman who ended up working as a cheerleader for the Lions.  When I saw her on TV?  On the sidelines?  A lot came into focus.

Her talking of her dream as we sat next to each other in US Government class. Watching her freezing on the sidelines at high school football games as she twirled a baton. Talking to her the following Monday about how she stood the bitter Michigan cold. All for her dream – a dream realized I witnessed on TV years later.

Numerous times in the past two years I was able to pick myself up because of interviews with athletes telling their stories.

Of overcoming adversity.

Just wanted you to know someone you’ve never met appreciates you in ways you can’t imagine.

Be well.

** Perspective available in The Lover

Revisiting Joy

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Taking a music break after 5 plus hours on a manuscript.  Mentioned before but I prefer the sound quality of YouTube Videos over Apple iTunes mp3s.

Yo Apple – wake up.

I rotate through depending on mood. The one I was watching is special.  

Note:  I have a photographic memory so even as I watch and enjoy the video there is a visual overlay of my younger self along with reliving the moment psychologically and emotionally.

I was in a skirted suit, stocking’d leg tucked beneath a knee while I ate room service burger and pickle.

Perspective

Is Everything

An international supply chain and network interoperability expert, I spent years flying around, often getting to a hotel long past dinner. By the time I got to my hotel at night – with early morning meetings scheduled? – I was exhausted and flipping through channels to see what might serve.  In this case?  Electric Dreams.

Better than when I rolled into DC during the Tanya Harding and Lorena Bobbitt hoopla.

The plot was so-so but I loved the music and certain scenes wherein the music was played.

What makes it of value is the light-hearted back view of a time that was incredibly stressful.

Sometimes it’s better to look back and smile than look forward and frown.

Because of the unknown.

Find the joy wherever it is which doesn’t have to be in the present moment.

A Broken Dream Will Find a Way

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I was born a writer with music in my heart.

Won my first fiction award in 1st grade.

The Path of the Creative Soul

Ginsu Moment

In 4th grade we were given a piccolo, taught scales.  Not long after a woman came to ask if any of us were interested in playing an instrument.  

Was music in our soul?

Ah music.

As a kid I watched my dad play drums while marching in Detroit in a St. Patrick’s Day parade, held the trophy he earned for excellence in piano, listened to the album of him singing and dancing on the Dany Kaye show.

I wanted to play drums.

The beat of my heart.

We were too poor to afford even renting so he got a practice pad and two drumsticks – plopped it on the sofa back and began teaching me.  

Eventually we were able to rent a snare which came in a black plastic case that weighed as much as I did.  Given I lived a haul from school carrying this along with all my heavy textbooks – I wasn’t in a good space.

Nuns on Broomsticks

Need I say more?  Really?  Okay…

I asked the principal (nun on a broomstick) if I could keep my drum in the office so I didn’t have to haul it back and forth every day.  

Given the hyena response you’d think she was in the audience of an SNL live opening.

“Girls have no business playing drums.”

Tell that to Cindy Lauper.

I did NOT want to give up drums.  The beat was in my heart, my soul.

My younger brother tried carrying it for me but it was too much.

Thanks for trying.  Thanks for seeing the music in me as I see the music in you.

I begged my dad to drive it back and forth but his job didn’t allow for it and we only had one working vehicle.

Two months later he handed a small black case to me.

Music is Music

It was a rented b-flat clarinet.

“Dad, I don’t want to play clarinet.  I want to play drums.”

He put a finger to ribs behind which a heart was beating. “You want to play music.”

I played clarinet for 13 years including a wonderful stint in orchestra.

I also played piano and tenor sax.

The Dream Breaks to be Born?

Is this what creativity is about?  

Highlander and the R in It

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Happy New Year Peeps of the Earth!  Ready to share a bit of fun immersed in reality.

After 5 consecutive hours working on a fiction project I decided to do some music time.

For what it’s worth I tend to watch my favorite music on YouTube because due to the compression rate iTunes just doesn’t cut it.  Hoping they get their act together soon.

I was “listening to” Who Wants to Live Forever from Highlander.

Queen.

New Boss Same as the Old Boss

In 1992 I went to a Detroit Area Harmony House to get the soundtrack for the movie. I learned two very important details for my music lover life:

  • There is the orchestral soundtrack and there’s the QUEEN Soundtrack
  • Tariffs and other BS meant all Brit musicians (Queen, David Bowie, Rolling Stones) were no longer allowed to sell in the US

As I learned from a Harmony House manager who took pity on me and pulled a cassette from the back room – they’d been instructed to put all material from British musicians in some closet or other and were forbidden to sell to customers.

He puled a cassette of Queen’s It’s a Kind of Magic – likely because he saw I was on the verge of tears – and sold it to me.

What’s that saying about business? It’s about the people?

In watching the video something caught my eye.

To Give Context

I grew up a 30-minute drive from Canada. I grew up listening to French Canadian radio, watching French Canadian TV.  When it came time to choose a language to study in high school – French made more sense for me than Spanish.

The Easy Way isn’t ALWAYS the Easy Way

Most of my classmates took Spanish. When I asked them why – given we lived closer to French Canada than Mexico they told me- consistently – “Because it’s easy.”

Thanks to a benefactor I had the good fortune to do a working trip to Europe with a group of some 63 souls all of whom – with the exception of me – took Spanish in high school.

I also took Latin – won Magna Cum Laude in the National exam.

As It Happened

We were in Paris and something about the food tasted off to me.

I’d had a recent run-in with food poisoning thanks to a trip with my divorced dad to Tijuana Mexico.

Facing ridicule I nonetheless went to a Burger King for dinner.

Long story short I translated for the Parisian doctor called in to treat over 50 people for severe food poisoning.

One of whom had to be flown to New York to be admitted to a hospital.

Ginsu Knife

But wait!  There’s More!

When we were in the French Swiss Alps?  Everyone starving?  None of the people making sandwiches spoke English and I was the only one who spoke French.

Bad as my American accent was.

“What is JAM bon?”

“JambOn ? Ham.”

I translated for over 50 people so they could get lunch.

Translation

As it happens I was fortunate to have a French II teacher who was born and raised in Paris.  One of the skills she tried to translate was the role of the roll – pun intended – of the tongue in producing the R sound in French.

I got it though I’m more “hear it – translate it” type of language student.

Back to Front.

Pun intended.

I am a passionate Highlander fan.  So much so I read about Christopher Lambert – a Frenchman – having to learn to speak English for the role.  Just now?  Watching this video?  When he calls out “Heather!” ???

You can see the back of his tongue hitting the roof of his mouth for the R sound – normal to his native language – even as he’s calling out in English.

Classic.  

Like him and the movie.

I hope 2026 brings joy laughter love and much more to my readers.

Elizabeth