Manifesting 101: Accept What Goes With It

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Note: Longer post.

Hoping everyone had a good weekend.  As I was walking this morning I recalled another aspect of manifesting worth sharing:

Accepting what goes with obtaining the goal.  

Incidentally, this is different than be careful what you wish for.

I find it fun to illustrate with examples.

After all, experience is a great way to get perspective.

When I was starting along my journey in corporate I became aware of the role technical consultant.

I was working in HR at the time, as a PSA.

I spoke with my manager – one of three I had at the time – and she agreed it would be a good fit as a career goal.  She proceeded to help me find a job in the department that would get me to the next step.

I was welcomed warmly by the technical consultants in the group who were more than happy to help me along the path to my goal.

Everyone knew it would take years of work to get from Point A to Point B and many were eager to guide me along the way.

One of the more attractive aspects of the role was the autonomy the position seemed to afford.

Self-directed and independent, I don’t thrive under micromanagement or bureaucracy.

As I got to the later stages of my non-traditional path …

Big time on-the-job training!

I came to see that there wasn’t as much autonomy as I perceived

Think TPS reports.

And there was a flip side to the autonomy.  

This is being a consultant?

Lonely time!

My job required a lot of travel and for the most part I was thrilled with the idea.  

I love traveling to different places and interacting with people from various walks of life.

What I wasn’t prepared for – nor comfortable with – was all the time I would be spending by myself.

I was self-conscious and felt a lot of eyes on me when I checked into hotels in sometimes rural areas, sat down by myself in a restaurant, or walked into a classroom room of my “peers.”

I was younger than most by 10-15 years.  I was single wheras most were married with kids.  I was uusally the lone female in the predominantly male industry.

A colleague who wanted to see me succeed gave me rather blunt words when I discussed the issue with him.

You’d better get used to it.

He explained that being a technical consultant meant spending hours on a plane and a lot of nights and weekends in hotels eating room service while watching ESPN.  

He suggested as an avid reader I just pull out a book and read while I eat.

Making it mine.

Over time I got used to the not-so-glamorous side of being a technical consultant.  More, outgoing and naturally curious, I engaged other travelers in conversation.

Most, also feeling lonely, were more than happy to talk about what they were doing.

Majority wanted to tell me about their families and how much they missed them.

Especially international travelers who, either because of kids’ school or the family budget couldn’t bring their families with them.

I always learned something new from these engaging conversations.

One of the more interesting ones was speaking with a Congressional Representative from the Navajo Nation who was sitting next to me on a flight to DC, his tray strewn with paperwork.  He was more than happy to take a break to explain his role and what he was presenting to Congress the next day.

This is the big gathering?

One of the more anticipated events in our company was an annual training where consultants from all over the world gathered near corporate HQ for a week of intense hands-on training.

And beaucoup networking.

The experienced consultants, not wanting to leave for one reason or another, proposed I go. However, my job classification meant No way! so a bit of negotiating was done.  I could go on the condition I attend specific courses or breakouts, write a report, and give a presentation upon my return.

But I was not allowed to rent a car and a number of stipend limitations were put on me.

It was a thrill and I was excited.  And challenged.

I was carded when I tried to order wine alongside a senior colleague from another state and when I gave the bartender my Michigan driver’s license, he proceeded to accuse me of having a fake ID.  I told him to go ahead and call the cops if he thought that – as my face flamed from embarassment – I’d drawn a lot of attention amongst the group of peers – all men. 

 One of the senior consultants – a soft spoken gentleman from Atlanta in his late 50s – managed to convince the bartender I had a legitimate license and he should sell the glass of wine to me.  

Oy!

I dutifully took notes while attending various sessions and emailed the report ahead of my return flight so the consultants could read it before my presentation the coming Monday.

They read it over the weekend.

One of the first things I said when I stood up was how incredulous I was that grown professionals could act the way some of the consultants had acted during training.

They argued – sometimes endlessly – over the smallest detail – and became quite passionate when learning that certain features promised by marketing weren’t going to make it into an upcoming release.

When I mentioned the frustration of watching a breakout session devolve into a rat hole my colleagues began to laugh and clap.  Confused, I said, “You think this is funny?” to which they replied, “No, this is what it is to be a consultant!”

I’d passed a test and was soon given more opportunities to further myself along the path toward the goal; a path littered with challenges as I learned the less-than-glamorous side of being a technical consultant.

Including learning after I completed all the requirements there was no headcount for me to get that promised promotion.

Perseverence.

I eventually succeeeded then surpassed the goals I’d set for myself.

I can look back on an incredible and successful years’ long career as a technical consultant.  

What stands out – a good reminder as I walk the path to current goals – is that there are unknowns one has to accept to go the distance and many of these unknowns are unanticipated hurdles.

They go along for the journey to success.

Be well!

Manifesting 101: Just When I Needed It

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I’m beginning to wonder if the universe can read my mind.

I was taught God knows what’s in our hearts.

This morning was rougher than usual.  As I was out enjoying the sunshine I considered what I might do to boost my spirits.  No sooner had the thought completed when an older gentleman walking in the opposite direction said, “They say this means we’ll live longer.  It better or I’m going to have something to say to them!”

Whoever they are – ha ha.

His comment made me laugh.

Domino Effect.

It reminded me of something one of my uncles might say about some topic or other and thinking about them and their sometimes grumpy old man manner made me smile the kind of smile that takes over your whole body.

It was just what I needed when I needed it.

I immediately thanked God for the laugh and the smile.

As I walked along thinking how the guy seemed to have appeared out of nowhere I was reminded of a similar situation.

One I blogged about years back.

We were living in San Diego and I was feeling down about the whole EMF Sensitivity challenge.

I hadn’t yet put the pieces of the solution together.

I set out on a walk to clear my head.  Suddenly an older gentleman relatively well-dressed appeared, seemingly out of nowhere.

He was well-dressed but he was also a vagabond.

He gave me a smile, opened his arms, and said, “There’s someone who needs a hug.”

Boy did I ever.

I let this older man envelop me in his gift – care and compassion freely given – and thanked him.

The hug was brief and respectful.

I went on my way thinking how amazing it was the man appeared like an angel just when I needed it.

As I continued on my walk this morning I focused on another incident where I got what I needed when I needed it – without asking.

Just Thinking.

The other night I was wondering about the health benefits of walking.

Those outside the well-known, such as cardiovascular.

I had questions about potential benefits, but other than wondering, I did nothing to get the answers.  The next afternoon I came across the following article.

It just popped on my screen after I logged out of email.

I never said one word about my question, nor had I been reading articles about walking. I’d only thought about the question.

The article contained the answer to the unasked question.

Jung’s Synchronicities.

I’ve decided this series of “coincidences” is part of the overall process of manifesting goals.  You put the [intention] energy out there and the universe finds a way.  

The trick is to recognize it for what it is.

And be sure to thank the sender!

Be well!

Manifesting 101: Sound

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Note: Longer Post

If music be the food of love, play on – Twelfth Night

You Have To Start Somewhere

Building Faith.

For many people, when starting on the path to manifesting goals, there is doubt.  

In the premise, in the process, in their ability to succeed.

A wonderful way to counter the doubt and increase chances for success is to build faith.  But how?

Would You Look At That?

To Notice is To Know.

Notice what’s in your life.  Specifically, how much of it is something you wanted and got?  Every one of those gains is a manifestation success.  The key is to acknowledge them regardless of size.

And be thankful!

The Tale of Two Lists

I have a list in the style of It Works that I reference.

Though I follow the methodology and philsophies of a number of Manifesting Gurus, I customize my approach to manifesting to what works for me.

I tapped into this philosophy and added wisdom from another book and created a separate list of received.

The idea is to write “I wanted x and I gratefully received it.”

As I moved accomplished goals big and small from my Want List to my Received List I couldn’t help noticing how long my Received List was becoming.

I have a wide variety of goals big and not so big.

Seeing that list grow ever longer reinforced my faith because it was proof the methods I was employing were working.

When I started this version of the manifesting process I was doing quite a bit of walking.

Good for body mind and spirit.

An avid walker for decades I typically listen to music while I walk.  Unfortunately, given the state of things at that point, I wasn’t able to.

Too much going on in the pia mater.  Music became an irritant.

I felt bad about not being able to listen to music because it’s been a part of my life for as long as I could remember.

I played in band and then orchestra.

The Universe is Listening

And playing my song.

As I was watching college basketball gearing up for March Madness I became aware certain commercials had songs that grabbed my attention – for the message they sent.

Everything’s Okay.

No matter how down I felt when those ads came on the song became the focus of my attention.

That was the point.

Thank you God.

Those tunes were the right words at the right time but more, in some cases imagery in the ad boosted the message.

Flowers blooming and other signs of spring with its new growth and celebration after a long winter.

Deciding focusing on the message of hope was the best course of action I created a playlist with those songs.  

The Happy List.

I’ll admit, it was a short list at the outset.

Transition Buddy to the Rescue.

One morning as I was starting out I got a text from my Transition Buddy in which he included a link to a song he was listening to at work.

He mentioned it was helping him get going on that particular morning.

When I heard the notes I was filled with warmth and a smile spread across my face.  I hadn’t heard the song in years but it brought back wonderful memories from a time when my family lived in Florida.

Thinking of warm sunshine while walking in the cold rain was a real boost to my morale.

I added the song to the playlist and gave a big thank you to my Transition Buddy for adding a bright spot to my day.

Over the weeks I added one or two additional songs to keep the theme of the Happy List.

I played the list over and over while walking.

The more I listened to the message the songs represented – hope that things would eventually get better – and considered the circumstances by which they came about – the more positive I felt which translated to more positive coming into my life.

Coincidences – what Jung calls synchronicities – began to multiply.

Music Matters.

And it does this…and this…

As I acknowledged the role music was playing in lifting me from a pretty low point, a funny thing happened.

I started to stumble on articles about the benefits of music.

My Transition Buddy continued and continues to share stories of music that add smiles and positive energy to my day.

We’re about the same age so we have a lot of music memories in common which makes it that much more enjoyable an exchange.

I continue to benefit from focusing on the musical synchronities and wanted to share the idea more broadly so others can potentially integrate the philosophy of observing wonders big and small into their manifesting practice.

In closing I’ll share links to the articles and a couple of the tunes on that Happy List.

Enjoy and be well!

Links:  To prevent cognitive decline.  To repair.  To make you smile if not laugh.

Songs:  Miracles by Jefferson Starship, All Right Now by Free, and Three Little Birds by Bob Marley & The Wailers are part of that original small set.

The list has grown but it isn’t too crowded which I believe would make for diminishing returns.

Manifesting 101: In the Meantime

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“The waiting is the hardest part” – Tom Petty

Note: Longer post.

I’ve written about the “in between” part of manifesting a goal and while it’s all good and well to understand it’s part of the process, it doesn’t help with the to-do part which can include a lot of nothing but wait.

This can be of particular challenge if like me you’re more than happy and willing to do what it takes.

At this point in my journey – and specific to a current goal – there really is nothing “to do” but wait and allow next steps to appear when they need to.

Trust that the universe is working behind the scenes to bring what I’m going for.

   Rather than go into detail about the specific goal I’m going to share a story of how I handled a time when  I was working toward a career goal but had a lot of hurry up and wait to do. 

And several roadblocks were put in my path by folks threatened by what I was trying to do.

There was a time when I wanted to be a technical consultant but was in a totally different job classification.  Knowing I needed to close the skills, education, and experience gap I asked a number of the more successful consultants where I needed to start.  

Though a handful were more than happy to help, a few reacted with hostility.

In the end it was agreed the best next step was for me to start with the basics.

Little did I know.

I was handed a bunch of manuals but given no access to the computer system I needed.  Determined, I asked a trusted colleague what he suggested.

Build It.

He told me of a storage closet filled with old computer parts and – yep – more manuals – and suggested I go foraging and use the manuals to build a computer.

He did help me pick out what I needed which basically amounted to an 8O86 that didn’t have enough anything (memory, CPU power) to run the software I needed to learn.

Trusting this colleague I set up the guts and wires of what would hopefully be a computer I could work with on my desk and went to work.

The Universe Steps In.

I’ll admit this next part is truly one of my favorite stories.

It was a Friday afternoon – about 4pm – and I was busy trying to get an old game program to work on the little 8O86 I’d succeeded in getting to accept an old OS.

Ironically, one I’d used at WMU in a basic computer course.

A gentleman came to stand on the opposite side of the fabric wall of my cube.

They’d begrudgingly given me my own cube but it was so close to the stairwell and away from everyone else I may as well have been IN the stairwell.

He asked a simple question. 

Where is Everybody?

I smiled and explained that on Fridays it was typical for people not working on a deadline to book out early.  

I had no idea who this guy was.

His follow-up question was to ask what I was up to.  I explained I was building a computer because I wanted to become a senior consultant.

Eventually.

Still hovering over the cube wall he pointed out the model I was working on was ancient and wouldn’t be of any real help.  I explained that while that was the case, my job classification meant I was not given a computer better suited.

I told him I was having fun trying to get the gaming software to work on the “ancient” beast that really should have been in a museum somewhere.

Note: Though I was given the equipment I was given zero time.

Any efforts to get closer to my career aspirations had to be on my own time – not work time. My manager was very explicit about that.

We chatted a bit longer – mostly me explaining what I planned to try next – and he went on his merry way.  

Do You Know Who That Was?!

One of the senior consultants – who’d been pretty helpful to my aspirations – showed up in my cube minutes later and hissed, “Do you know who you were talking to just now?”

Obviously not.

I shrugged and said, “Doesn’t matter.  He was a nice guy.”

Regional headquarters, we got visitors from out of town all the time.  

Turns out it was the CEO of the company.

I’ll admit, I was pretty shocked.  Then I wondered what I might have said that would land me in hot water.

Keep Doing What You’re Doing.

I went back to my project and tried to think of everything we’d talked about.  In the end what I remembered was his perplexed expression even as he wished me luck.

He told me he admired my tenacity and my passion for what I wanted to accomplish.

Uh-Oh.

Now you’ve done it.

The following Monday I was called into the District Manager’s office.  Apparently, our illustrious leader went to the Regional Manager’s office immediately after speaking to me and asked what gives?

Why was I being stonewalled.

“The man” on the 3rd floor went to “the man” on the 2nd floor and instructed him to give me what I needed.

I was told I’d impressed the CEO with my positive attitude in the face of adversity in the workplace.

After a lengthy and thorough discussion of my career goals I was given the green-light to take a non-traditional path to my dream of being a senior technical consultant.

Oooh, was my manager mad!  They thought I’d gone behind their back.  

The Universe’s Message? Stay the Course.

And keep the good attitude while you’re at it.

I was given a piece of equipment that didn’t support the current OS direction our company was taking.

They technically gave me a decent workstation to use but it would be obsolete in less than a year.

Joke’s on Someone Else.

The colleague I trusted was pretty irritated on my behalf.  An amazing software guru, he came up with a clever next step for me.  Turns out our software division wanted to test the new OS direction on older hardware because of the need to support legacy customers.  My colleague, who became a wonderful mentor in that moment, gave me the name of a guy in the software division and proposed I offer to help them with their testing in exchange for access to early releases of the software.

Who Are You?

And why are you talking to me?

The guy was a bit on the frosty side – especially when I told him what my current job classification was – and was about to hang up when I told him who advised I call.  He immediately warmed up and we hashed out a wonderful plan wherein I would test not only the new OS but apps to make sure we could support legacy customers for at least five years.

I agreed to be the point contact for all the app program managers.

A Wonderful Partnership.

A tech writer, I volunteered to proof their papers before giving them to the higher-ups.

Often one long sentence with zero punctuation faxed to me at the last minute before they were due.

This was in addition to the testing and necessitated working a lot of nights and weekends.

I loved every moment of what I was doing.

I felt respected for the first time in quite awhile.

The Universe Tests.

It came around that one of the less supportive colleague needed early access to the future OS for one of our biggest global customers.  When he called the division to get a copy they told him he had to talk to me.

Bet that hurt.

I can’t say I wasn’t just a wee bit hostile toward this colleague but I was no fool.  We struck a bargain and set up an ecosystem that served everyone.

As the manager of the project I got to learn while my colleagues got access that not only made customer sense it helped them keep their skills current.

I’ve long since lost contact with the colleague who played such a critical role in helping me achieve my dream.  I know this much.  When – years later – I was selected to be involved in a major global supply-chain initiative – in a role of authority as a liason to corporate resources – I knew I’d done my mentor proud.

Fulfilled all the goals he and I talked about and then some.

I hope this story inspires others along the liminal path.

Be well.

Note:  As to my current efforts.  I’ve seen evidence my energy is getting through the “between” to the universe.

That I’m using my liminal time wisely.

I had an opportunity that could theoretically get me closer to the goal show up out of the blue.  

Knowing it wasn’t the right opportunity nor the right time I passed on it. 

 The next day I came across an article with valuable information that will definitely help.

Message? Stay the path.

Manifesting 101: The Pitfalls of Compassion

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Note: Longer post.

The path to manifesting a goal is filled with challenges and those who’ve surmounted them are often willing to share the methods and strategies that worked for them.

There are a number of books going back to Think and Grow Rich if not earlier filled with support and advice.

One of the pitfalls I’ve yet to see talked about is something that has caught me up time and again. 

Too much of a good thing.

When compassion becomes an energy drain.

Hey, Me Too!

I’ve lost count of the number of people who, upon hearing I’m a writer, tell me they too want to be a writer.  More often than not, however, they have no intention of following through on the desire.

This includes people I’ve met in writing classes, at writing seminars, or who were in various writers’ groups I’ve been a part of.

I’ve found there are people who simply like to tell everyone they’re going to be a writer.

They tend to become feisty when I point out there’s a difference between wanting to be a writer – which they probably already are if they have a manuscript – and wanting to be a published writer where they’d have to polish that manuscript and go the distance.

A Theme Across Industries.

People are people.

When I was starting out in corporate as what one colleague referred to as a “junior astronaut” there were a couple of others who, like me, were entry-level but aspired to move up the ladder.  Compassionate by nature, I was more than happy to discuss strategy with them.  

At the end of the day, however, I was the only one who achieved what I set out to do.

Become a senior Technical Consultant.

It’s a lot of work.

Going to tech classes at night, working weekends, and putting in 80 hours a week was par for the course for years, as was living on a plane for weeks if not months to pay my dues.

I was touched when one colleague pulled me aside to tell me the stress and workload was too much for her. 

What was touching was that she worried I was disappointed in her for bowing out.  I quickly assured her nothing was farther from the truth.

Too Much of a Good Thing.

My compassion got me into trouble from time to time.  

One colleague used my strategy to go after my job.

Fortunately, it didn’t work but it was damn close.  Talk about stress!

Another casualty was the time and energy taken to talk with colleagues who were sometimes only curious about what I was doing.

Let’s just say that for the times and the company culture it was no longer an easily accepted path up the Technical Consultant ladder.

Looking back I see how draining and harmful giving time and energy to certain individuals turned out to be.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

One of the more confusing challenges – one I’ve seen too often – are those who see your efforts as some sort of judgment or commentary on them.  These individuals, upon hearing of your plan or your success get defensive.

They are those who, rather than congratulating you on overcoming hurdles to achieve something state “I could have done that too if…” then proceed to tell you all the reasons their hurdles were obviously bigger than yours so they couldn’t do what they set out to accomplish.

I suspect this is a life lesson for me because over the years as I achieved more goals I ran into it more often.

I broke the pattern when I simply quit giving these folks my time and energy.

Don’t Leave Me!

Another pitfall on the path to goal achievement is a bit on the inisidious side.  

I’d go so far as to say it’s a hurdle on the path to achieving your goal.

In general, when you begin taking serious action toward achieving a goal, the universe will put situations and people on your path to help you.

And challenge you.

Sometimes the people who claim to be your best cheerleader turn into your biggest obstacles.  This is because while they say they want you to achieve your goals, it isn’t true. Often, as you get close to attaining the goal, they begin subtly sabotaging your efforts.

This is a close cousin to the person who says they want to do something but really has no intention to do what it takes.

The traps involved with this challenge are too numerous to go into.  Suffice it to say that putting time and energy in this direction can lead you off the path.

This is one of the trickier ones because the individual who has seemed so supportive suddenly changes their tune, usually just when you’re about to succeed.  The psychological whiplash can be very draining.

Though the challenges involved with achieving a goal can be numerous, one that baffled me big time was hostility turned my way once I achieved a goal and made to move on to the next.

I love to learn and improve – myself and my life as well as the life of others I can help along the way.

What these challenges have in common is that each of them took time and energy I could have put into achieving the goal and while I’m aware they are part of life’s challenges along the path – normal in other words – they aren’t part of the process so much as a specific theme that, if one isn’t careful, can keep you from succeeding.

For the simple reason you don’t see the forest for the trees of the path through the manifesting woods.

I hope by sharing these tidbits people become aware of where hurdles could be hiding in plain sight.  Though compassion is worthy, when it becomes an energy drain that moves you from your dreams it’s time to regroup.

And redirect that compassion to the one looking back at you in the mirror.

Be well!

Manifesting 101:  Liminal – The Necessary Evil

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Note: Longer post.

As I was getting ready for bed last night, a routine that includes prayer and meditation, I briefly considered that the weather had again shifted and I was looking at walking in cold rain come morning.

We’d just had warm sunny days so I wasn’t keen on playing Michelin Man again.

Twilight.

The Time Between

Somewhere between 4 and 5am I became aware though not fully awake.  What I got for my trouble was a message that put what I’m going through in perspective.

The Space Between.

Like so many, due to a confluence of variables, I find myself in a state of transition.

As is the world around me.

In his book Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes, William Bridges explains transitions don’t always begin at the beginning.  They can and often do start with an ending.

Leaving home, a job, a relationship.

He brings up a critical aspect of transition.

One I’d never considered before reading his book.

Liminal.

The Space Between

Dictionary.com defines liminal as coming from the Latin limen, meaning threshold.

In its literal sense, a threshold is a doorway.  Liminal is often used to describe the threshold, or gateway, between stages.  When used in a general way, liminal is often used to describe in-between spaces, places, and feelings.

I was fully aware of being in the liminal and that this stage of transition doesn’t have a set time to completion.  That didn’t mean I was enjoying it.

Though I’ve been trying to.

Wasting Time or Coping?

A chronic multi-tasker and overthinker I knew if I didn’t find a way to distract myself I was going to be in trouble soon.

The much needed break would be pushed off and I’d find myself in a world of health hurt.

I took a number of steps that worked – for a bit.  Fortunately for me before real trouble set in the weather improved just enough that I could get myself out the door for a walk.

In cold, rain, sleet, and hail.

So long as I bundled up.

Feeling like the Michelin Man as I ambled stiffly along.

Building up to about 5 miles a day seven days a week I did my best to ignore the fact I could see my breath but not always feel my hands.

It took quite awhile to thaw out when I got back.

I distracted myself by noticing and focusing on signs of spring.

Buds that over the time I was walking turned into beautiful flowers.

Weeks turned to months and I found myself grasping for every distraction possible.

I’ve never watched so much sports in my life.  

Thank God for March Madness, MLB Spring Training, Stanley Cup and NBA Playoffs.

I love the new rules for Major League Baseball that make games a lot less boring to watch.

Distractions only work so long before the ego catches on.  Knowing I was at risk of losing the momentum I’d worked so hard to achieve I spent a good portion of yesterday thinking of ways to add a bit of interest.

I knew I couldn’t fool myself so I needed to do something not to distract so much as to calm.

Just before drifting off I told God I was out of ideas and would love a bit of help.  The answer came between 4 and 5am.

Remember.

Walk Time is not Waste Time.

Looking back I see there was a bit of method to the madness that got me to this point which just reinforces my experience that the universe colludes to help you along.

Dropping little hint crumbs as you walk through the forest of doubt and confusion on your way to your goals.

Yesterday I participated in an online exchange where I shared a story from my time in corporate. I mentioned a wonderful manager I’d had who became the benchmark for the ideal manager.

His boss was awesome too!

Someone asked me to clarify a point which I was more than happy to do.  Case closed.

Or was it?

Turns out this exchange primed the universal pump as it were, opening the gate to an answer.

In Dreams.

That liminal stronghold.

Last night I dreamt of a company I spent time in along my tech career path.  Unfortunately, or perhaps not, the dream sequence took place during the toxic years.

The company was in a years’ long death spiral which brought out the worst in several  – though thankfully not all – coworkers.

In the dream I spoke to many individuals I’d worked with including a less than stellar manager.  

Who was referenced in the exchange – not by name – as an example of comparitive poor management response.

The Path is the Doorway.

You have to walk through.

The message received this morning was an image from a time in my life that was a transition of ntense difficulty.

A very sad and lonely time in my life.

Determined to improve things I spent weeks in late fall and throughout winter – in Michigan mind you – walking at night no matter the weather.

Through freezing temperatures and snow that had frozen into ice.

Back to the Beginning.

The benchmark. 

Jose Silva advises students to create advisors – real or imagined – that can help with any number of issues.  Though I hadn’t yet taken the BLS, I nonetheless naturally gravitated toward the same concept – to that wonderful manager who I was working for at the time.

It was natural as I have a vivid imagination and the process is similar to how I create characters for my fiction works.

Night after night as I considered the more painful aspects of what I was going through I imagined how this manager would advise me.

We’d had enough non-work conversations that I felt a confidence in what he would say, including the tone of voice and where and when he might laugh or exclaim over my ego’s attempts to stifle painful – if necessary – change which incuded cutting loose a lot of toxic relationships.

Remembering the value of walking through that liminal stage helped me see that the walking I’m doing now is the perfect solution.  The best aspect of the message was the reminder that though it may take time, there will be a point where I’m past this stage and into the next. It also served as a reminder I don’t need to know what the next is.

I certainly didn’t back then.

Have Faith.

Something I’d been working on.

Increasing faith suddenly became easier for the simple reason I’d been in this place before and it worked out.  Better yet it worked out without me knowing how.

Six months after making the decision to change, no matter how scary or lonely or painful, I met my husband, one of many blessings that came into my life once I made room for them.

By getting rid of  – no matter how painful or scary – that which no longer served.

When I set out to walk in the cold rain today I felt more relaxed.  I no longer had the expectation that an answer or aha moment should or would come.

Or that its absence meant I was doing something wrong.

Another Bread Crumb.

A clue along the path.

The idea for this article came as I was walking back.  I liked it not because it was an opporunity to share perspective in order to help others, but an opportunity to further ingrain the message the universe took the time to send.

A message that significantly reduced the stress of not seeing around the next bend on the path through the liminal.

Before I finish this post I’d like to share another coping strategy.

Get a Walking Buddy.

Or more accurately, a transition buddy.

As fate would have it, a good friend of mine – someone I’ve been friends with for decades – is also going through a time of significant and somewhat painful transition.

He had to move his mom to assisted care, is selling the house that’s been in his family for over three decades, and is walking the path of what is yet to be in this new stage of his life.

Ironically, when we met I was on the path of transition.

The begining stage of a different transition.

He and I have remained friends through a number of life transitions.

Which makes us ideally suited to support each other through the current ones.  

What I’ve found to be a key aspect of this support is that though we acknowledge the change and recognize it will change us in many ways, we also know we will be, at the end of it, who we are.

In our core.

By sharing anecdotes and small talk and generally just checking in with each other we provide assurance that though the hurricane winds of change are blowing, our inner houses are safely protected.

By a number of factors including our friendship.

As I eye the clock for the next walk I wonder if my shoes have dried out yet but even if they haven’t, it’s time to hit the path.

After all, each step is closer to getting through the liminal forest.

Be well.

Manifesting 101: Playing With Time

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All In Good Time

This sentiment is often entwined with various aspects of manifesting.  

Particularly the aspects to do with releasing attachment to the outcome.

Years back while covering Intel as a customer I got the idea that Arizona was incredibly beautiful and given the weather was better relative to where I was living in the Detroit Metro Area, decided I wanted to move there.  

Not So Fast.

I tried transferring with my job.  No dice.  I tried getting a different job to facilitate the move.

I planned on paying  my own reloc.

No dice.

Years went by but the desire to move there remained.  I met the man I would marry and we both talked of “almost” moving to the Grand Canyon state but how our efforts didn’t pan out.  We tried together.  No dice.

Deciding it wasn’t meant to be we followed the path life put before us.  

Turned out it was a path that would take us to Arizona.

Hmmm.  

I’d forgotten about this.

When I first tried relocating to Arizona, I was young and single.  The next time I made the effort I was still young but married.  By the time I lived there my life had changed and I was old enough that my needs were different, something I hadn’t really considered.

Until we went shopping.

Timing is Everything.

We hadn’t considered the time of year when moving, something that was brought to our attention when we visited a shoe department in a Scottsdale Mall.

Back to school?  OH NO!

Talk about a mob scene. 

Which, bad as it was, was nothing compared to the malls during Spring Training.

The rudest people weren’t the teenagers looking as if they’d rather be anywhere else but their mothers who didn’t hesitate to shove anyone who might get to a shoe first out of their way.

Including other people’s toddlers.

Aaron and I looked at each other over the heads of overtired middle school students who were alternately puzzled and horrified by their mothers’ behavior and our expressions said it all.  

We forgot.

The flustered sales people and total chaos brought us back to various times in our lives when seasonal shopping included incredible chaos.

Each of us recalled how we went with friends to far reaching malls and out of the way shopping places to avoid the crush and chaos.

We beat a hasty retreat to a quiet restaurant at the far end of the mall where we promptly expressed the same sentiment over beer:

I forgot.

We spent the rest of the meal reaffirming the choice to find a better way.

At the very least a less noisy less chaotic one. Oh, and with as few rude people as possible.

Applying principles and tactics perfected while working in tech – using unique and creative ways to address a challenge – we solved the issue not by going to remote shopping locations but by shifting the time of day when we shopped.

Even if it meant reworking our schedules.

The incident, along with many others that took place while living in Arizona, served to remind me that I may wish for something but by the time I get it the variables may be different.  These days, to the best of my ability, I take this into consideration when working on a goal.

In general I keep the parameters open enough that life can bring me the goal in any number of forms so long as the basics are there.

What are the basics?

Depends on the goal and the impact of achieving it.

The important takeaway is that by releasing attachment to the outcome – leaving it up to the universe to work out the details – I increase the odds I’ll get what I am looking for at the perfect time.

For me “the perfect time” is any time I don’t have to use hindsight to appreciate what I achieved.

Note:  Mike Dooley does a good job with this concept with what he calls the cursed how’s.

Be well!

Manifesting 101: Letting Go of Attachment

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For me, one of the most difficult aspects of manifesting has been letting go of attachment to the outcome.  Unfortunately, this is one of the more important aspects.  This challenge isn’t a recent one either.  I easily remember being in second grade saying prayers and having the desire for the prayer outcome a very up front and present emotion.

It became a feedback loop as it highlighted the fact the prayer hadn’t been answered.

In my twenties I was exposed to various approaches to manifesting.  

I did a ton of research which included reading books and talking with people I felt were successful.

Regardless of the cultural and/or religious roots of the method, what was consistent was the need to release attachment to the outcome.

You can’t care whether you get what you’re going for or not.

It was counterintuitive to me to not care whether or not you got something you said you wanted and it was nearly impossible in some cases for me to feel calm about some of the stuff I was trying to manifest.

I think the worst was a promotion I was going for that would – and eventually did – change my life, opening up a whole new world of opportunities for me.

As I was getting ready for sleep last night I realized I’d finally come to a point I can release attachment to the outcome.  As I considered the path of how I got here I realized it was strewn with a catch-22’s.  Still, I felt I could provide enough detail that I could share the method so others may put some of it to use in their efforts.

The key is not to “do what I do” because it may not work for you.  It’s to consider where it makes sense to take some of the actions.

Not One Thing.

First, I need to state that it wasn’t one thing that got me to this point so much as putting a number of philosophies in place and taking actions from those philosophies that landed me here.

I still want what I am trying to manifest but I’m more relaxed about it.

It started in 1996 with a trip to Borders Books in Southfield, Michigan.  Specifically, Shakti Gawain’s Creative Visualization Workbook.

This book led to another on the subject, and another, most of which are listed in the Resources section of this site.

Though I tried a number of the techniques I couldn’t master the challenge of releasing attachment of the outcome.  Of course, it could be that many of those early manifestation objectives fell into the Hierarchy of Needs category.

It wasn’t just wanting a promotion it was needing the salary that went with it just to make ends meet.

This challenge went on until I followed advice from a recent read and put shoe-in desires on my list.

Those I was almost positive would manifest and therefore didn’t worry about.

Turns out this was the key to unlocking the gold at the end of that release attachment rainbow.  I listed what I wanted a la It Works peppering in small asks along with larger ones.  I dutifully read over the list per the instructions, including when I needed a reminder everything was going to be alright.

Per the instruction.

I also reread other favorites, being sure to only read those that made me feel good and optimistic.

They gave me hope.

The book at the top of that list is Write It Down Make It Happen.

I then stumbled across a technique that helped propel me that much further along the release attachment path.  

Big and Small.

I was well familiar with acknowledging the wondrous to bring more so it was an easy step to acknowledge the manifestation wins big and small.  This, it turns out, was the critical piece for me because it built confidence and in confidence is the ability to let go of attachment to the outcome.

Confidence is earned through experience and in acknowledging the small manifestations I came to see the wins.

They key is to acknowledge them as wins, not rank them large or small.

As the wins piled up my confidence grew.  The next thing I know, without even thinking about it, emotion associated with a specific line item on my list dissipated.

It isn’t that I don’t care if it happens so much that I have faith that at some point in some form it will.  I don’t need to worry about it!

It’s the lack of worry that allows for release of attachment.

I hope in sharing this perspective others will see where they can put some of it to use in their own manifesting efforts.

Be well!

Manifesting 101: Be Careful What You Wish For

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Note: Longer post.

Be Careful What You Wish For

This maxim has taken on new meaning for me of late.

I love finding fun ways to use my last name in writing…

It all started with my hair.

Note:  I had a very interesting upbringing filled with some very interesting characters including more than one whose perspective and values were questionable.  These people and experiences shaped the events of my life giving me perspective.  I know where I came from and how it shaped me.  If it’s crazy or outrageous I generally – at this point – just roll my eyes. I’m sharing what I believe helpful – in this case – for manifesting.

Like many of my Celtic relatives and ancestors, I’m a towhead.  In my case, not only was my hair very blonde as a child, it was poker straight as it hung down to my waist.

At least it did til the brain surgery when half was shaved off and my dad cut the other half so it would grow in symmetrically.

Around the age of 7 a couple of relatives decided I should perm my hair.

Because, they said, it would make me prettier.

My mom and dad weren’t thrilled with the idea but these relatives cajoled 

One of them threatened

Until they gave in.

Pick and choose your battles was a maxim my father preached even if it fell under the “do as I say not as I do” maxim.

I well remember sitting in the kitchen of one of the relatives and being submitted to the most noxious chemical odors of a home perm in the name of making me prettier.  I’ll admit I did like the perm and the curls.

Until I went to school and was brutally roasted by the other kids for them.

Eventually the perm grew out and I managed to avoid any more until deciding on my own at 13 I wanted one.

The years went by and though I generally styled my hair with the times

Good ol’ 80s mullets

I didn’t think much about perms and curly hair.

Unlike my goofy relative who continued to tell me I would be much prettier if only I had curly hair.**

Your Wish is My Command.

Then a curious thing happened.  

I was working in tech and straight hair a la Michelle Pfeiffer in Tequila Sunrise was all the rage.  I, however, wasn’t sold.  More often than not I just pulled my hair up.  

Hauling round VJ290s and MicroVAXes and crawling around in data centers laying cable and troubleshooting isn’t conducive to much in the way of fancy hair styles.

A Consultant’s Work is Never Done.

It was the Golden Age of Tech and I was living on planes.  

Flying out Sunday or Monday, back Friday or Saturday, then out again Sunday or Monday – for months straight.

Wouldn’t It Be Cool…?

Famous last words.

I loved the movie Tequila Sunrise for a number of reasons, including that it was set in So Cal, a place I loved.  I admired Michelle Pfieffer but didn’t envy her hair.  In point of fact, I thought it really would be cool if I had hair that was curly.

It ran in the family so I knew I could have had it.

Next thing I know I’m living in California.

Job transfer.

You’re Kidding.

Foot Locker thickens the plot.

Needing new tennis shoes I headed to Foothills Mall where I stopped at Foot Locker.

Don’t think it’s there anymore.

As I was checking out, the woman helping me slipped a sample of Pantene shampoo and conditioner into the box.  

When I pointed out it was for curly hair I didn’t have she shrugged and said, “So? It’s free.”

Um, Aaron?  

You aren’t going to believe this…

After towel drying my hair I looked in the mirror to see…

???

Curly hair!

I phoned Aaron and told him the deal.

I couldn’t believe it!  

Could shampoo really make someone’s hair curly?

Something in the Water.

Without going into it, since I already have in a number of books on various aspects, the mineral content in the water released my naturally curly hair.

Whereas calcium in the water in Michigan kept them straight.

What You Wish For.

The water may have unlocked the curl in my hair but it was also contaminated with heavy metals that wreaked havoc with my health and while I’ve addressed that issue I’ve been left with a glaring truth:

When you manifest you have to be prepared for what goes with it.

The positive is I now consider – as fully as I can – what may be involved if I get what I say I want.

I examine, to the best of my ability, the trade-offs.

To a degree we can never know what it’s like until we’ve been there but I believe I’m wiser now about what I aspire to.

I hope by sharing this story others can benefit.

Be well.

** When my hair darkened in my towheaded adolescence this relative kept trying to get me to dye it blonde because – apparently – I was no longer pretty.

Some people and their oddball values.

Manifesting With Symbols

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I’ve had a lot of reflection time over the past weeks and much of what I’ve reflected on has to do – one way or another – with manifesting.

Including manifesting good health.

It was important to me to examine how I manifested what I have – throughout my life – both good and bad, in order to understand what I needed to do to bring new and positive experiences, people, and things into my life.  What stood out most was the sheer number of these things I decided – in childhood – would be cool to have.

I have either achieved them previously or them have currently. 

What also stood out was that after thinking wouldn’t it be cool? – repeatedly over a lengthy timeframe – I let it go.  

Released attachment.

This was generally easier to do because I had other priorities in my life at various times so my attention was turned elsewhere.

The Symbol.

What It Represents.

I came to see that many times a symbol unconciously anchored itself acting as a touchstone for the desire. To illustrate, I’ll provide one of numerous examples.

I’ve given a number of others in previous posts so feel free to browse.

This morning while taking off my shoes after a walk I noticed the entry tile and thought again how amazing it is I have the exact tile that in childhood I thought was cool.

It’s the same type and color that was in the entryway of my maternal grandparents’ home.

I remember asking my parents why we didn’t have the cool tile in our entryway as it would be far easier to keep clean in the winter than carpet.  They were unimpressed and generally ignored my logic.

This time, in addition to the association of the tile with a place I enjoyed visiting while growing up I considered what the tile actually represents.  

What was it I really thought would be cool?  

It had to be more than helping my mom with housework.

Tracking in slushy mud because it was too cold and snowy to leave our boots on the front porch.  There probably “was” a better way but hey – we were kids.

As I looked at the tile I realized it represented all the joy and happiness I associate with visiting my grandparents.

A bit of wisdom too as my grandmother was a wise woman indeed.

I realized what I wanted in my life was more than the tile. I wanted the happy chaos of a large family gathering.

The energy of love, laughter, and a teenage aunt and uncle who never tired of us asking them to play their guitars and sing for us.

The tile was a symbol of what I wanted: love, laughter, a close family who loved and cared for each other even as they never hesitated to tell each other off when appropriate.

We still do which has raised eyebrows to some outsiders but feels so completely normal to me.

I now understand that in the back of my mind that tile was a symbol of experiences, people, and things that were important to me; experiences, people, and things I associated with success.

Not All Created Equal

Throughout my adolescence I brought friends to my grandparents’ to share in the love and chaos.

Many of them didn’t have grandparents as they’d passed away before they even got to know them.  

Not a few came from small families and were somewhat intimidated though quickly settled once they were showered with the love and chaos.

When they were accepted for who they were – the greatest gift of love.

Occasionally I came across someone who, like me, came from a big extended family.  Though they were comfortable enough, I quickly saw that their chaos was different than our chaos.  This made a difference because I wasn’t comfortable around their chaos.

The typical and primary difference was that they were far more reserved which was baffling since I didn’t see how there could be anything but happy chaos in a large family.

A lot of symbolism in that tile.

Very specific energy.

Did I achieve what I sought?  It’s an interesting consideration given I didn’t really understand the nuances of what it was I really wanted let alone what went with the “Wouldn’t it be cool …?”

My life is in flux right now which makes it a difficult question to ponder.  Overall I believe I have what the tile symbolizes though there are significant differences.

My chaos is totally different than the chaos of my grandparents.

As I poured a cup of coffee after my walk I considered that like the tile, the fireplace in my house is a symbol of a success I wanted.

I’ve written about that in previous posts.

Manifesting an object is one thing. Manifesting what the object represents is pure gold.

I hope sharing this story helps others seeking positive experiences, people, and things into their lives.

Be well!