Life Balance Starts Early

I’ve been volunteering to help kids with literacy.  

I work with 2nd graders from a variety of socio-economic backgrounds.

A recent blunder helped me become aware of something I believe we can all appreciate.

If not learn from.

I alternate volunteer dates with a partner and because I messed up I wound up showing up on the same day as my partner.  Knowing there were more kids than volunteers I offered to stay and be an extra.

I figured the teachers would assign me somewhere I could be useful.

While one of the sessions – we do three 30-minute sessions – stands out – it’s actually what I learned after the mistake that drives this post.

Stand Out

We were waiting to start the third session when the teacher overseeing the program asked if I’d be willing to work with a student whose reading specialist had to call off.  Naturally I was cool with it.

She advised me that while he may read he may need me to read to him.

Shortly after finding a relatively secluded space to read

Most of us hang out in a hall or in a room where we have to try to work with students while ignoring a cacophany…

I noted the student was barely above See Spot Run level.

He was behind by about 1.5 years.

Locked Inside

The first thing that stood out was that this sweet kid was so intelligent but frustrated because he  had some sort of “wall” between what he was thinking and what he was able to articulate.

A high functioning autistic perhaps?

I did what I could to assure him I was in no rush and was perfectly willing to wait while he gathered his thoughts.  We had a great session and at one point I did ask if he wanted me to read.

He was tired and I considered that though he seemed really comfortable with me he might be a bit stressed because I wasn’t his normal “reader.”

It was a perfect session and while I felt wonderful it isn’t the session that inspired me to write this.

Both Ends of the Spectrum.

In some sessions it’s one-on-one with a student but in others it’s two-to-one.  It was while in the two-to-one I came to see a classic example of equilibrium.

A state in which opposing forces or influences are balanced.

Too Fast Cancels Too Slow

Basic math.

While both students in my third session are amazing it occurred to me that they made other sessions stand out because they brought them into balance.

They were ahead of the “average” whereas the others were a bit behind.

I suddenly realized why the teachers so appreciated the volunteers.

Which include a fireman and many others from all walks of life.

By us working with standouts from one end of the spectrum or another we allowed the teacher to work with the norm which allowed the class to progress smoothly.

The Lesson?

Extremes bring the middle into balance.

And makes for harmony.

Am I Going to Die: We Need To Tell Our Stories

I read an article while having lunch and a statement struck me to the degree I felt compelled to post this blog.  

From the article:  “It feels like a death,” Point Reyes rancher Kevin Lunny told SFGATE. “Other ranchers are telling me they feel the same way. It’s the only home and address we’ve ever known. It’s who we are — it’s our identity.”

It’s Our Identity

Upon reading this statement I was taken back to a presentation given by Russell Targ at an IRVA conference wherein he told the audience that employees of Lockheed Martin had so entwined their identities with their job title and function that after retirement – not knowing who they were any longer – they passed away.

So soon the company apparently began underfunding the retirement account.

While I don’t doubt the veracity of the statement I suspect what’s fueling it is the uncertainty of what comes next.

What Do I Do Now?

As the journalist goes on to point out there are unanswered questions and it’s the uncertainy driven by the lack of information that creates [sometimes] horrific anxiety.  

Why Was I Inspired?

Aside from the fact I’ve been through times like this throughout my life…

Enough to fill a spreadsheet…

Years ago a friend recommended a book that helped me view uncertainty differently.

No longer the enemy but a normal part of the process of change.

Ironically, my life is such that if one looked up the definition of change in a picture dictionary my photo would be there.  

And yet…

Being able to compartmentalize the stages of change as William brilliantly taught his students takes anxiety out of the uncertainty associated with change.

The Between Part

This is why I’m writing this now.

If I’d been conversing with that man I could have shared my experience.

Which I believe would have gone far to help.

  • He would see he isn’t alone
  • He would see others understand the pain he is in
  • He would see that others have found a way to cope 
  • He would benefit from others sharing stories that could help him find a way to cope

The Book

I would also share with him William’s book of sage wisdom, taking time to explain why I think it could help.

Covid

When the world is going crazy…

Another reason I’m writing this now is because many people find themselves lost in this post-Covid world for the same reason. 

What comes next? 

People of multiple generations.

  • They lost links to their identity
  • They don’t know what comes next
  • They don’t know who they are because of what happened
  • They don’t know who they will be because of what happened

As somone who – though young – remembers the Hong Kong flu of the early 70s and who has had numerous first-hand accounts – from relatives – survivors of the Spanish Flu – I have perspective of life after …

But Wait There’s More!

I know the value of experience in helping reduce anxiety.

We Will Bury You!

I was – severely impoverished at the time – living in my grandma’s basement when the whole early 80s Cold War Nuclear War threat was happening.

And Peter Gabriel’s Biko.

One day overwhelmed by fear 

And having been laughed at when I expressed serious worry we were going to die

I asked my maternal grandmother if I should be scared.

Was I going to die of nuclear annhilation?

This woman who was the epitome of patience assured me I didn’t need to be afraid and then told me of having lived through the fallout of post WWI and then living through WWII and THEN watching neighbors build bomb shelters in their backyards in the immediate aftermath and…

While I’m not certain I slept better that night what I did gain was the gift of a woman – a woman who didn’t laugh at my fears – who was willing to talk about her love of life and the joys of friends and family and the little moments of peace we can find in watering a house plant or sharing the joy of a friend’s/family member’s triumph…

Especially her grandkids’ achievements and little victories.

Things many in our world would agree are the things that matter.

All of this might seem cold comfort to the ranchers whose lives have been turned upside down but I would offer them this

  • You are not alone
  • You are not your job
  • You are still you
  • There are many who will help you get through this
  • There is an amazing book that will help you navigate the uncertainty of the days ahead

Before I tell you the book I want you [readers] to know I have an upcoming project and this is an example of what you will find.

Because…

We Need To Share Our Stories

Be Well…

The Book

Transitions:  Making Sense of Life’s Changes by William Bridges.