I read an article while having lunch and a statement struck me to the degree I felt compelled to post this blog.
From the article: “It feels like a death,” Point Reyes rancher Kevin Lunny told SFGATE. “Other ranchers are telling me they feel the same way. It’s the only home and address we’ve ever known. It’s who we are — it’s our identity.”
It’s Our Identity
Upon reading this statement I was taken back to a presentation given by Russell Targ at an IRVA conference wherein he told the audience that employees of Lockheed Martin had so entwined their identities with their job title and function that after retirement – not knowing who they were any longer – they passed away.
So soon the company apparently began underfunding the retirement account.
While I don’t doubt the veracity of the statement I suspect what’s fueling it is the uncertainty of what comes next.
What Do I Do Now?
As the journalist goes on to point out there are unanswered questions and it’s the uncertainy driven by the lack of information that creates [sometimes] horrific anxiety.
Why Was I Inspired?
Aside from the fact I’ve been through times like this throughout my life…
Enough to fill a spreadsheet…
Years ago a friend recommended a book that helped me view uncertainty differently.
No longer the enemy but a normal part of the process of change.
Ironically, my life is such that if one looked up the definition of change in a picture dictionary my photo would be there.
And yet…
Being able to compartmentalize the stages of change as William brilliantly taught his students takes anxiety out of the uncertainty associated with change.
The Between Part
This is why I’m writing this now.
If I’d been conversing with that man I could have shared my experience.
Which I believe would have gone far to help.
- He would see he isn’t alone
- He would see others understand the pain he is in
- He would see that others have found a way to cope
- He would benefit from others sharing stories that could help him find a way to cope
The Book
I would also share with him William’s book of sage wisdom, taking time to explain why I think it could help.
Covid
When the world is going crazy…
Another reason I’m writing this now is because many people find themselves lost in this post-Covid world for the same reason.
What comes next?
People of multiple generations.
- They lost links to their identity
- They don’t know what comes next
- They don’t know who they are because of what happened
- They don’t know who they will be because of what happened
As somone who – though young – remembers the Hong Kong flu of the early 70s and who has had numerous first-hand accounts – from relatives – survivors of the Spanish Flu – I have perspective of life after …
But Wait There’s More!
I know the value of experience in helping reduce anxiety.
We Will Bury You!
I was – severely impoverished at the time – living in my grandma’s basement when the whole early 80s Cold War Nuclear War threat was happening.
And Peter Gabriel’s Biko.
One day overwhelmed by fear
And having been laughed at when I expressed serious worry we were going to die
I asked my maternal grandmother if I should be scared.
Was I going to die of nuclear annhilation?
This woman who was the epitome of patience assured me I didn’t need to be afraid and then told me of having lived through the fallout of post WWI and then living through WWII and THEN watching neighbors build bomb shelters in their backyards in the immediate aftermath and…
While I’m not certain I slept better that night what I did gain was the gift of a woman – a woman who didn’t laugh at my fears – who was willing to talk about her love of life and the joys of friends and family and the little moments of peace we can find in watering a house plant or sharing the joy of a friend’s/family member’s triumph…
Especially her grandkids’ achievements and little victories.
Things many in our world would agree are the things that matter.
All of this might seem cold comfort to the ranchers whose lives have been turned upside down but I would offer them this
- You are not alone
- You are not your job
- You are still you
- There are many who will help you get through this
- There is an amazing book that will help you navigate the uncertainty of the days ahead
Before I tell you the book I want you [readers] to know I have an upcoming project and this is an example of what you will find.
Because…
We Need To Share Our Stories
Be Well…
Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes by William Bridges.
Elizabeth Maxim 