Finding myself staring at the sceen and knowing I needed to get out of my environment to break it loose I decided to take advantage of a bit of chilly winter sun and walk to a place I could get lunch.
It’s a further walk – more Vitamin D – and with my laptop in my backpack – more of a workout.
I was seated at a booth on the other side from a table of adults where I proceeded to set the laptop on the table and open it up.
And dig into some awesome chips and salsa.
Not long after and before ordering a woman with two small children came in. The younger one – a boy about 4 – was already whining.
Diagnosis? Overtired and very hungry. Maybe some molar action too.
I’d just gotten my lunch order when a mom came in with a very whiny toddler – about 4.
They put them on the other side of me.
Working diligently I was able to block out the chaos going on on either side of me.
Mostly.
At one point I saw the mom take both kids who’d be in competition with a fire alarm outside. At the same time I heard the woman behind me explaining to a 4-year-old what SHE does when she has a tummy ache.
Ummmm – did that translate?
I kept at it making awesome progress on my project.
To the degree I was happy I followed my instinct to go to this place for lunch.
At one point I saw the mom of the two youngins crouch down and ask a very teary-eyed 4-year-old – bawling from being overly tired – while his older sister – also whining – stood by his side.
“What do you want?”
What Do You Want?
A for effort mom but – um – not the most productive approach.
His wailing would have been heard at Ford Field after the Detroit Lions scored a touchdown.
Not being critical just realistic. I seriously wonder if – bawling his eyes out – he even heard the question.
Generations.
It was at this point I recalled a conversation my son and I had recently wherein we talked of the benefits of multiple generations being involved in family life.
I went so far as to suggest a big part of why fewer couples are having kids is because they don’t have the support they need and don’t want to have to choose between the well-being of their kids and the need to bring more income into the home so they can make a better life for their kids.
As I watched both moms struggle to control kids who were going further and further into meltdown territory…
At one point a woman came in to help the mom behind me and I heard her shortly after order a Jim Beam with lime.
Kiddo was fun!
I thought how different the day could have gone for each mom if they’d been coached by someone who’d been there before and could explain why their go-to strategy was making the situation worse.
Grandparents? Older Sibling? Cousins?
All People I watched guiding family members through those fun days.
And who later guided me.
It made me think how I grew up in a large multi-generational family – holding babies on my lap from the time I was old enough to bear their weight so my aunts and uncles could get a break long enough to eat.
And listening to my grandma coach her daughters – new moms – on the normalcy of what they were experiencing and offering other advice.
Which included “THROW THAT BOOK OUT!” when it came to the Dr. Spock book.
It brought me back to the conversation with my son and how even though the realities of today’s economy makes it so some have to move far from home
Having lived through multiple economic downturns in Detroit – thanks to the Manufacturing Industry – I understand the need to move so you have peace of mind to start a family without having to worry about being laid off shortly after you do.
There is a need for people to tell their stories!
Email? Cell phone? SNAIL MAIL?
Why not me?
Oh sure I considered offering a word of encouragement to the harried women or even distracting their kids by telling the little girl how beautiful her dress was, etc but I remembered how well that turned out for me last time.
I was at Target and needed to go to the bathroom. There was a very young toddler girl in there by herself asking for her mom and putting her head under every stall door – including mine – in an effort to find her. Alarmed when this went on for several minutes I decided I’d go to a customer service representative after I washed my hands so they could page for the mom …
This poor little girl was so scared asking all these strange adult women for her mom.
After drying my hands I stepped out to find a woman standing in the general area. I inquired whether she had a young daughter to which she replied yes. When I mentioned she was scared and going under the stalls asking for her mom the woman turned on me like a rabid animal and snapped “Well you’re just perfect aren’t you?”
???!
Um – no.
Never came close to suggesting as much either.
She followed up by screaming at me with a lot of – well – it wasn’t great to be on the receiving end.
At the restaurant? My heart went out to the moms but with the memory of the Target fun – which happened years back – inflicting fresh wounds? I elected to stay silent rather than offer a word of encouragement.
Or to compliment the little boys on how cool their sweatshirts were which might have distracted them long enough to give the mom a chance to catch their breath.
Once Bitten Twice Shy, No?
All the more reason we need to tell our stories!
I offered silent support but thought how much better it would have been for those women had they had the type of support that comes from generations of moms telling their stories.
So they would have a plethora of tools in their toolbelts.
We Need to Tell Our Stories
Note: Image by Richard Anderson of San Jose, CA
Elizabeth Maxim 