Letting Go of Anger

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This morning I was thinking about a couple I know who have overcome adversity without being bitter for what they had to go through.  In point of fact they shower the world and everyone in their sphere with love and joy.  This had me recalling a conversation with a relative.  

Some years back at a family gathering.

“You were never angry like that.”

It was in the context of how individuals may act out their frustrations, might take their anger out on those around them.  

It wasn’t the time or place to get into it but truth was, I had been angry at one point in time.  I just held it inside.  

Source

Long before the Me-Too movement women in business were facing challenges.

In spite of a few bad apples I thrived in a male dominated industry.

I enjoyed a strong working relationship and work friendships with many guys – customers and coworkers – throughout my decades in tech.

I’m still friends with some of them decades later.

Solution

There came a point where I could see the anger I was holding inside was harming me and I did look for solutions. 

  • I read about forgiveness – the anger harms the person more than the one who did the harm.
  • I meditated
  • I read books on the subject
  • I talked to someone from my church

Weirdly, those actions only made me more angry.

What finally worked?

I will never forget the day.

I was pacing my bedroom raging at the injustice and suddenly – for whatever reason – I stopped mid-stomp and said to myself I had a right to be angry.

I was harmed. Anger is a natural response.

It was an epiphany.  

I had a right to be angry?

I stood staring at my dresser for the longest time with the words I have a right to be angry going through my mind on a loop.  And in that moment the anger dissolved.

It was giving myself the right to be angry that enabled me to let everything go and move on with my life.

Maybe sharing this will help someone going through their own challenge with emotions tied to being treated poorly.

Be well.

To Be Human Adversity is Necessary

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This morning I was reading an article about how Ozempic and its counterparts – available in pill form – will revolutionize weight loss.  As I was reading of the potential global impact of “a pill” a couple thoughts came to mind.

  • In Total Recall we see what life is like when you don’t have to actually live an experience to believe you’ve had it.**
  • Taking a pill without having to do any work is a slippery slope

I think this solution has incredible potential and can transform lives.  I also have concerns that taking a pill without understanding the underlying variables that got a person to the point of Type 2 diabetes means there’s a chance once the person stops taking the medication the variables – likely still a part of their lives – mean they are vulnerable to getting back to square one.

My conclusion?

Overcoming adversity is what makes us grow stronger.  It’s how we – as humans – have evolved throughout the centuries as we faced down existential threats in the form of ice ages, plagues, and more.  

In facing down those threats, finding cooperative ways as a society to overcome, we ensured we lived on stronger and theoretically better.

Overcoming adversity is what makes us human.  Take that away?  What will we be?

Pills and tech solutions can’t fix life if you don’t do the work.

Do the hard stuff.  You’ll thank yourself later.

Be well.

** I recognize athletes and others who use visualization (myself included) successfully tap into the brain’s natural ability to do this.

Humiliation Gives Way to Strength

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Working on a novel when a memory from my days in tech surfaced.  A peon I was in a coveted internal training class.

I desperately wanted to be taken seriously, wanted to have the tech company I was working for while taking college classes at night invest in me.

By Your Command

Battlestar Galactica reference.

For days our instructor wrote command codes on a white board after which we typed them in and watched the WizyWig results.

What You See Is What You Get.

My Friend Friday

As it happens on the last day of class – before lunch break – our instructor wrote out a rather lengthy command code.  Exhausted and on autopilot I typed it in, hit Enter.

Oh My

Everything went down.  My initial reaction was confusion.  Then – as if the hounds of hell were in the room laughing – the instructor said, “But don’t hit this command unless you need to do an emergency hard shutdown because it will take the whole system down.”

Cheeks aflame – I’m not exaggerating – I stared out the window thinking I just ended my career.

My boss would hear about it and I’d never be sent to training again and without training I couldn’t advance let alone get any credibility leading to a promotion.

Humiliation Personified

I will never forget 

  • The look of confusion on the instructor’s face when the system didn’t respond
  • The sound of my tablemate’s voice when he leaned close and said “I know what you did.”
  • The instructor from another classroom who came running in to ask “Did you lose -?”

Sink or Swim

I had a decision to make.  Own up to what I did or slink away with the rest of the group as we were told the class was abruptly and irreparably ended.

I could feel the eyes of the my tablemate boring a hole in the left side of my head.

Did I mention I was the only woman in the class and younger than everyone by about 15 years?  Oh, and my boss had to get a special waiver to get me into the class.

My heart thumping hard enough to leap out of my petrified chest I tentatively raised my hand after which I said, “I thought it was another one of your commands so I typed it then hit enter.”

I will never forget the look on her face – like Seriously?

As humiliating as that career moment was it added a bit of rebar in the building of being comfortable – when it comes to career and life mistakes – in my own skin.

I can be proud of the person I see in the mirror in the morning because I know that person tries their best.

And – regardless of mistakes – always has.

Be well

Note: When I told my tech mentor? He roared with laughter then shared moments of career humiliation so I wouldn’t feel quite so awful.

Nature V Nurture: The Holistic Approach

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Does nature or nurture have more sway over the path we choose?

And how we turn out?

A good friend and I debated this throughout the years.

Often switching sides.

We listened respectfully while walking on lunch hours or after work and made arguments for our beliefs.

Was it that we were taught good manners or that we have a passion for understanding that drove this cooperation for a potentially contentious subject?

At the end of the day I think we were saying the same thing in different ways but in debating we gained knowledge and perspective.

We learned of a world neither knew existed.  

A world forged by experience and while that suggests nurture whatever was in our nature enabled us to navigate that experience in a way that shaped who we became.

What’s New?

I came across an article today that had me considering

  • I was ahead of my time 
  • I had such an innate feeling it was the right way I walked the holistic path in the face of incredible criticism and among a large circle of influence that went in the opposite direction

Was I born to follow the holistic [read natural/traditional] way or was I shaped by my experiences?

Nurture

As I discuss in my podcasts I witnessed what happens when individuals follow a certain philosophy of healing and yes, this entrenched my natural proclivity to go Mother Nature’s route.

The route that got us this far.

It was heartbreaking to watch loved ones who put their faith in the allopathic way suffer.

Nature

For as long as I can remember – going back to 4 years of age I instinctively knew when someone was sad, tired, hurting.  I frequently approached these individuals to see how I could help.

Though I have a memory of this behavior going back before kindergarten there’s a story related to me by my mom that illustrates it started much earlier.

I discuss in a podcast

My parents lost many classmates to the Vietnam War and many of the men who returned weren’t in a good space.  One afternoon my mom took me to a local park.  I was just walking and talking.  We ran into a gentleman in a wheelchair.  Apparently I approached and asked, “Where are your legs?”  

Worrying I’d rubbed salt in a wound my mom was quick to apologize.  His response is the nature part of this equation.

“This is the first time I’ve laughed and smiled since coming home.”

Nature and Nurture Meet

When I read the article, one bit stood out.

“Meditation was all this ‘woo-woo stuff’ but now, seeing all these advances in neuroscience and showing changes in brain waves from functional magnetic resonance imaging, which we couldn’t do before – actually being able to trace the pathways that lead to changes in health measurements – I think this is really, really exciting,” she says.”

Nurture

This information was known and studied in the late 70s if not before.  My dad and I would watch various pieces from 60 Minutes to documentaries on the subject.

Nature

It’s in my nature to want to understand the science and research behind Mother Nature’s gifts.  This need to understand inspired me to go back to school to study what I’d been living:  Holistic healing.  As a result I learned in class that in the 90s Tibetan monks – some of the world’s superior meditators – had been hooked up to EEGs and undergone brain scans and all sorts of what I’m guessing were invasive medical tests – all in the name of research into the health benefits of meditation.  

I read the research papers as part of my class work.

A Real-Life Twist

Readers know that when I was 10 I fell off a diving board and had a brain bleed that left me blind paralyzed on my left side and in a coma.  Over the course of my recovery – and likely due to my nature – I forged a beautiful friendship with the neurosurgeon who saved my life.  

Whenever I visit Michigan I make a point to stop by and say hi.

On a recent trip I brought my family with me.  After a bit of small talk he mentioned something I’d written in one of the letters I’ve been sending since I was 12 and my family moved out of state.

Meditation.

He told me of the science behind why meditation is so good for the brain after which he encouraged me to keep on the holistic path.  

A man of science I also know him as a man of faith and a man who understands the role of traditional healing.

As my story illustrates Nature and Nurture are not an either or but part of a circular dance that has been going on for centuries with plenty of enlightened individuals on both sides of the equation.

Be well.

Note: I’ve been using homeopathy successfully for decades, trained by a British ENT surgeon.

That Tiny Nagging Voice

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At this point in my life when my nagging inner voice suggests I need to do something I pause to consider

  • Does it have to be now?
  • Do I feel like doing it?
  • Will something get messed up if I ignore it?

Does It Have to Be Now?

I’ve learned to distinguish how important a suggestion is by discerning how insistent the little voice is.

The more it nags the bigger the repercussions if I don’t listen.

Do I Feel Like Doing It?

If I’ve got inertia going I evaluate whether something needs to be done that moment, that day, that week.

I also consider whether inertia is boredom or something deeper.

Will Something Get Messed Up If I Ignore It?

One of the most painful lessons I’ve learned – one that still haunts me – what happens when I ignore the voice – regardless of how loud or soft it’s whispering.

I haven’t forgiven myself and yes I know I need to work on it.

The silver lining is I have a true understanding of the repercussions of ignoring the voice trying to guide me out of a bad situation and/or into a good one.

Case In Point

Last night while meditating I realized I forgot to mail 3 cards.  After calming the initial panic I mentally said “Hey another reason to take a second morning walk.”

It’s several miles to the post office.

Before drifting off I reminded myself there was no urgency.

Or So I Thought

This morning the inner voice said “Do the cards now.”  

I didn’t feel like doing the cards.

Like I said there was no urgency.

Turn Up the Volume

The next time the inner voice spoke it shouted. “Do the cards now!”

I did the cards.

Next Order

It was earlier than I would normally do a second morning walk but the naggy little voice insisted I 

  • Go to the post office
  • Take My Wallet

Take my wallet?  Why?  I’m not going to buy anything!  I’m walking to the post office and back and that’s it.

Louder

“Take your wallet and put business cards in it!”

I’d run out from handing them out.

Okay fine.

As I started down the sidewalk I said “Okay God, it’s obvious there’s someone I’m supposed to see/meet.”

Which is why the timing was so important.

Next Order

While walking I mentally calculated which return route I would take.  

You know, just to shake things up?

“Go to Starbucks.”

WHAT?!

“Go to Starbucks.”

“I’m not going to Starbucks!”

I had a pot of coffee waiting at home!

Louder

As in shouting.

“GO TO STARBUCKS!”

Knowing how things go when I ignore the naggy little voice – let alone a naggy shouting voice – I calculated my route so it would take me to Starbucks.

As It Happens

It all comes together.

As I was walking toward the door I saw a very pretty lady coming toward me.  Smiling I wished her a good morning.

Coming round to start back home I saw her staring into the distance.  I asked if she needed help.  She smiled and explained she was looking at a car that had Merry Christmas across the trunk.  Following her line of sight I saw and smiled.

Now It Truly Comes Together

I was about to walk on when she asked if she could ask a question.  

“Why are you limping?”

I explained I’d had a subdural hematoma from falling off a diving board, was paralyzed on my left side and when I’m tired I limp.

Her Response

“I had a stroke.”

Mind and Spirit.

We had a wonderful back and forth – one I think helped us both.  

While people can empathize there’s something about talking with someone who’s been there that helps you feel understood if not whole.

As the conversation wound down she asked my name.  Explaining I’m a holistic doctor I pulled out one of those business cards the naggy little voice insisted I take with me and handed it over.

It pays to listen.

You Matter

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I’ve written and spoken in podcasts about how a buddy of mine in the Bay Area fished me out of the murky waters of post-pandemic burnout.  

The Beginning

It was so bad I wound up in the ER.

Fortunately, no health issues.

A passionate walker for decades I dragged myself out of miserable mornings and put one foot in front of the other day after day, week after week, month after month.  Didn’t matter the weather – pouring rain, snow, record-breaking heat, I kept it up.

Initially I spent the time mentally combing through my life and wondering how the hell I got there.  After all I’d been through so much worse.  

On Impulse

Over past decades I’d kept in touch with a buddy I worked with in tech, emailing then eventually texting. One morning I asked – given he was getting ready to brave Silicon Valley traffic – if it was okay I “brought him” on my walks by texting him.  

Sending him pics of sunrises, fogged skies/misty mornings, beautiful foliage, holiday decorations.

At the time I was going so early it was dark and while I saw a few souls walking or jogging I was pretty much alone.

Well, me and my phone light.

Mutual Benefit

He was more than happy to exchange the occasional text – some before getting in the car – some after he got to work.  

In the course of dialogue it came to light he was going through his own struggle.  He’d been taking care of his mom for eons and it got to a point he needed help.  I’m sure readers can fill in the blanks of the stress involved with finding a place where his mom would get the best care and having to deal with the house and other details.

Day after day, week after week, month after month I listened via text as he shared the challenges of finding an apartment close to where his mom would be, of the stress and chaos of getting the home that had been in his family since the 70s ready to sell – by himself.

No siblings.

He listened as I sorted through a roller coaster of emotions and faced incredible anxiety.

Family

I want to note I absolutely had the support of my family but they had their stress too.  Having my buddy meant they could address their own post-Covid chaos.

A Cure to the Loneliness Crisis?

This morning a good friend sent a video – Diary of a CEO: A Cure to the Loneliness Crisis? in which a gentleman talks about the impact of texting someone to let them know someone is there.

Someone.

This man’s commentary perfectly summarizes the healing texting did for my buddy and me.

Beyond Text

In an age in which many people are trying to do digital detox I can add that over those days/weeks/months I came across a number of individuals out pounding the pavement.

Face to Face Human Interaction.

Some walking dogs, some jogging, some riding bikes, – many just walking.

Often with flashlights.

Over time we began to smile – seeing each other every morning it seemed the polite thing to do.  I began introducing myself. 

You Matter.

Me:

“I look forward to seeing you every morning.”

“It makes my life better to see you in the morning.”

“You always look so pulled together as you’re walking to work.”

I met people who play in the orchestra, who are passionate Rolling Stones fans, who lived overseas…

People of all age groups – yep kiddos waiting for the bus – ALWAYS wish them a good day 

Taking time to connect pays in a myriad of ways big and small and goes in both directions.

Don’t hesitate to tell people they matter.

Be well.

The Healing Power of Experience

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It’s been an interesting day, starting early with a routine that included checking headlines to see if the Martians had landed.

Tongue-in-cheek – goes back to my high school “I have to read Ray Bradbury” days.

A London Times article – Social media is dead — none of my friends are posting any more caught my attention.

With a line putting me in the mind of an app that helps people spend less time on devices.

But Wait There’s More!

Ginsu knife anyone?

This isn’t a promo ad.

Double-Edge Sword

Long before the cell phone came along technology was changing society.  It takes time to see patterns and it takes hindsight to see the extent of the change.  And then comes judgment.

The technology that saves lives can disrupt lives.  It’s something we have to navigate.

So Navigate

I published my first book in 2011.  

I always thought my first book would be a novel; didn’t pan out.

A holistic healer, I intended my work help others.  

People who, like me, were suffering from EMF Sensitivity.

Life Happens

My dance with EMF Sensitivity sent me in a different direction though I didn’t give up on my dream.

I spent ensuing years alternating fiction and nonfiction projects.

That’s Nasty

Soon after I published I encountered my first Internet troll.  

It devastated me. 

 It took 7 years to recover from one person’s comment.

8 billion humans on this planet and I get a comment that destroys my soul and lands me in the sewer for 7 years..

One human being on planet earth shredded me for 7 years.

What helped me get past deep wounds left by someone I’d never met was listening to the sage advice of people who had more experience than me.

People who’d been there, who understood.

My angels of the heart happened to be teenage kids. Though expressed differently – as per their vernacular – each said “Oh, goes with the territory of putting yourself out there.”

Which they’d been doing for years in an environment that is – in some respects – harsher than what I was dealing with in my isolated corner of the web.

Pay It Forward.

Recent events have – at times – shaken those same angels.  I’ve been able to help by drawing from life experience.

  • Vietnam

I was a child but my parents’ friends …

I recount specifics in my podcasts

  • We Will Bury You

I was a child but conversations with my maternal grandmother helped me put bomb shelters in the back yard in perspective

  • Recession After Recession 

By the time I was 40 I’d gone through 4

Detroit experiences one about every 10 years.  

I gave words of comfort without being condescending.  

I didn’t pretend to understand.

Some experiences are universal and history may repeat itself but teens today are growing up in a world I never knew. Cell phones? iPads? The microwave was new technology when I was growing up.

So was Atari and Apple IIe.

I had a rotary dial wall phone in my house!

I believe I was able to convey that as a society we’ve been in tough spots before – that I feel people want to work together for the common good.  

The issue is there are different definitions of the common good.

General and Specific

Later today.

I was about to get back to my first fiction project since post-Covid burnout when I got another opportunity to pay it forward.

With a stranger.

Fulfilling a Dream

Right up my manifesting alley.

A young woman creating a film was seeking help with filming locations.  Rather than suggesting locations to scout I gave words of encouragement and praised the beautiful amazing experience of seeing a vision – what started as a thought or a whisper in the soul – come to life.  

It was – from what I could tell – appreciated.

Be well

In the Age of Wegovy

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In recent months I’ve had a number of conversations about the use of Wegovy.  Specifically, what is my take given I’m a holistic doctor.

I am in full support of its use in helping people with Type 2 diabetes and while I recognize its promise treating a number of health challenges my concern is this:

Happily Ever After

Once the weight is off, the blood glucose levels at a healthy level, how will individuals avoid reverting to habits or lifestyle choices that had them needing it?

For Context

Having spent decades in tech – typically 10 to 15 years younger than my peers – I came to a point where I noted two peculiarities

  • Majority of my coworkers were male
  • My male coworkers tended to carry 30 to 50 extra pounds

Stress Stress Stress

I handled stress by walking on my lunch hour and after work.  When that wasn’t enough?  I joined a health club so I could add weight lifting and rowing.

This was a double-edged sword.  The issue was stress, not a need for physical fitness.  The more stress?  The more hours I spent working out.  

I ended up with an autoimmune condition and while this is a topic for another time – an upcoming podcast – I want to circle back to the topic at hand.

The Age of Wegovy

I got to a point in my career I was doing a lot of traveling. I would fly out Sunday or Monday, return Friday or Saturday and head out again Sunday or Monday.  I did this pretty much every week between the fall of 1993 and spring of 1996.

I cancelled my cable because I was never home to watch anything anyway.

SSDL

DL = Different Location

My travel routine wasn’t much different than my home routine.

  • Eat out
  • Wait for food to settle
  • Workout

Other than ESPN I wasn’t into spending the evening in a hotel room watching TV.

Unless I had a laptop and wanted ambient noise while working on a customer deal.

SSDA

Same Stress Different Approach

Listening to music while lifting weights, running on a treadmill, and taking advantage of whatever exercise options were available.

I generally brought mixed tapes created from vinyls on a Sony Walkman.

Bonus Bad Health Habit

Due to flight schedules I often ended up eating past 10pm from a room service menu lacking in healthy options.

Observations

Over those years I observed

  • I was the only female working out **
  • There were usually only 3 males working out alongside me even as I knew many more were – like me – traveling.  

I knew this because I worked with them. They were in the same hotel because we were collaborating on the same customer opportunity.

The Irony of Wegovy

I dealt with work stress by working out to excess and not eating healthy and though I didn’t gain weight or develop Type 2 diabetes I ended up with an autoimmune disease.

Many of the males I know currently on Wegovy dealt with the same type of stress by not eating healthy.

And not getting as much exercise as they could have while my situation shows exercise is no guarantee of good health.

Stress? What Stress?

Everyone has life stress but work stress fills a particular place in our lives and it gets my dander up every time I see another article blaming techies for the woes of the world.

The lifestyle that goes with that stress is why many techies have health challenges.

Next!

My understanding of holistic healing enables me to spot signs of old patterns that risk my health.  

God knows I don’t want to end up back in the land of autoimmune disease.

My concern is that majority of people on this medication won’t recognize the causality and may find themselves falling back into patterns that got them in trouble in the first place.

Life in the Age of Wegovy.

Be well.

** I was the only female – the highlight being the lone woman among 41 men in a post-graduate network technology program at Carnegie Mellon.

Podcast 3: Reflective of Me

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Happy and proud to announce Podcast Three: Caring for Family Holistically is available.

Fork In the Road.

The decision to do podcasts rather than sharing the information in written format has roots in my years in corporate.

Consulting.

The Who

I was having an email back and forth with a friend I’ve known since 1995.  His company was acquired by the Tech Company I was working for two months after I started.  We wound up on the same team and though we lived in different regions immediately connected on a level that went beyond tech skills.  When it came to customer service and how you treat people we shared the same values.  

We’ve remained friends in the years since I left tech.  In a recent email he suggested I share my stories with a wider audience.  I told him I’d think about it.

The What

The Universe must have had an interest because beginning shortly after I got a specifically worded message – repeatedly.

Me: “I’m a holistic doctor who specializes in nutritional healing and using exercise and other holistic healing methods.”

Them: “Oh I would love to do more of that but I wouldn’t know where to start.”

What went unsaid but which came out in the course of a brief discussion was they lacked the confidence to bring it up to their health care provider.

After weeks of this I decided to share the information in podcasts using stories to give context.

I discovered it felt natural.

Like my days in tech.

Another former colleague – one I helped with EMF Sensitivity told me I have a knack for explaining complex subjects in a way that makes them easy to understand.  

It certainly seemed so based on the conversations.  

When I looked at it like that the answer was clear.  I was still consulting.  

Only the subject had changed.

I hope you enjoy learning how to integrate holistic health practices into everday living.

Be well.

Holistic Tool: Audio Nap

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It’s been a chaotic exciting couple of weeks.  What makes it super cool is clearing the towering In Box.  I can FEEL the energy flowing.  To celebrate?  An audio nap.

A What?

As my mom will attest I’ve never been a good napper.

I’m one of those who feels worse after taking one.

Try Another Way

For a time I walked as it cleared the cobwebs.  Unfortunately it also stimulated creativity which somewhat defeated the purpose as I came back and started work on the next bit of chaos.

Which I spent the duration of the walk contemplating.

Music To The Rescue

From the time I was a baby and danced to the Beatles on 8 track on the back seat music has filled my soul in a unique way.

No seatbelts back then.

I grew up dancing in my living room to tunes played on 8 track 45s 33 ½ and 78.

The Beat of Your Soul

I played drums, clarinet, piano then tenor sax.

Letting go when time in tech infringed with playing.  

I had and have the passion of music in my soul – fed through whatever media is available.

We’ve Come a Long Way Baby

Thankfully and thanks to people like Steve Jobs and Neil Young mobile music has improved from the days of the Sony Walkman or mobile CD players that skipped.

The Brain’s Tired

Given how I’ve pushed myself I’m mentally fried.  If I tried having a traditional nap I’d lay staring at the ceiling an adrenal rush keeping me from sleeping as I know I’ll feel worse if I nap.

Audio Nap

They say music soothes the savage beast.  

I know it soothes the overworked soul.

I’ve put together a number of playlists for different moods, different scenarios.

One Scenario.  

My work is a labor of love.  

I sincerely aim to help others.

That drive can be the driver complete with a whip.

Projects

Before I tune into my tunes I’ll share what peeps can look forward to.

  • Podcast Episode Three – Caring for Family Holistically
  • Destination Unknown: Explorations of the Paranormal

An App and companion workbook of tools and strategies to deal with Esoteric EM frequencies.

  • Fix EMF App Update

Dealing with the other 3 GATE EM frequencies.

This app provides tools and strategies for dealing with sensitivity to Geologic Atmospheric and Technologic EM frequencies.

Stay tuned and be well.