Manifesting 101: Feelings Not Required

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For whatever reason while on my morning walk a former colleague popped into my mind.  A quick perusal down memory lane gave rise to a stunning – in terms of manifefsting goals – realization

While feelings can help the process they are not necessary to achieve the goal.

A Story to Illustrate

Hey, I’m an author

As I thought of the toxic environment we worked in

Though he was in a different department

Another thought came to mind

I deserved better.

I knew I did.

As I mentally examined the memories including the LAVC I managed

Though I didn’t have the title or salary to match the work I was doing

I gained clarity on the thought I deserved better.

I really did believe it in spite of the fact I didn’t feel it.  

Or maybe in this situation belief is feeling.

Before continuing I will point out a few realities

  • The environment I was working in was incredibly toxic
  • I was significantly underpaid for the work I was doing
  • While some of my colleagues treated me with great respect, others were resentful and/or disrespectful

Even as I put up with a lot I knew I deserved better.

I didn’t think about it or try to tell myself this was true, I just knew.

I didn’t have many opportunities to see examples of women being treated fairly or with respect. 

I saw female colleagues in senior positions treated with the same disrespect and consistently saw women making significantly less for doing the same exact work a male counterpart was doing.

In spite of this I knew I deserved better.

Knowledge = Feelings?

In terms of potential action yes.

Even though my feelings were on the side of the spectrum associated with low self-esteem and self-doubt I acted from the belief I deserved better.

Or maybe it was boredom.

It got to a point where I tuned out the noise around me and set about finding tasks that challenged me.

Working in tech there’s always an opportunity for this, a good part of the reason I enjoyed that industry.

  • I self-taught the skills necessary for managing the LAVC

Which earned my colleagues’ gratitude since they no longer had to.

  • I self-taught hardware and software skills.

Building computers from spare parts in an old closet full of “junk” which earned my colleagues’ gratitude since I cleaned it out over a weekend. **

  • I volunteered to test new hardware and software

Which gained the gratitude of contacts in the corporate divisions I was later able to tap for help with customers.

My efforts got the attention of a top sales rep.

Had all sorts of awards  in his cubicle.

He began asking me to do various tasks for his customers.

Helping me gain experience.

One Fateful Day

Burned in memory.

This rep who became a mentor asked if I would be willing to go to a customer to do a NIC installation.

NIC = Network Interface Card.

I was one of the few who knew network interoperability – both hardware and software – for multiple operating systems, including competitor systems.

Thanks to all that work I’d been doing on my own time – working lunchtimes, nights, and weekends for months upon months.

I went on what turned out to be one of the most terrifying yet most successful professional experiences of my life.

An entire college class crammed into 5 or so hours.

Turning Point

After colleagues realized I could go on customer visits to do hardware and software installations

And complex tasks on production systems without bringing them down

I was tagged for numerous projects ranging from cusomter visits to writing the answers for high-level proposals.

Those contacts I made in the divisions were always happy to help validate my answers before the proposal was turned over to the customer.

You Scratch My Back

My involving division peeps in real customer wins meant their review scores went up.

As did their post-review raises.

My division experiences went from “Who are you and why am I talking to you?” to “Hey, Elizabeth, would you be willing to test…?”

And so it went that my knowledge I deserved better spurred actions that enabled me to manifest my goal of becoming a senior technology consultant.

I even advised then GM CEO, Rick Wagoner.

Who silenced a competitor in a meeting so he could listen to my counsel – a personal career high point.

What I came to understand from my morning musings is even if you don’t feel emotions associated with manifested goals you can still attain the goal.

Apparently, actions speak loudest of all.

** I had the company CEO come upon me one Friday – after work hours when all my colleagues had bailed – many by 2pm – to find me building a computer from spare parts and altering it so it supported the latest OS.

In spite of the fact my kluged computer was several generations earlier.

I didn’t know it was the CEO.  

We had a great conversation and years later – after I was finally given the title – I was recoginized by him – for something else entirely – in the company newspaper.

Note: I got a new manager who appreciated my attitude and approach and began sending me to formalized training including a grad course at Carnegie Mellon – another career high point. I went on to gain a number of certifications and have a tremendously successful career as a tech consulant.

Manifesting 101: Time to Travel

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In his book I’m Rich Beyond My Wildest Dreams I am I am I am Thomas Pauley suggests adding the line (paraphrasing here) It is seeking me as I am seeking it when writing your goals.

The idea being what you want is attracting you as you are attracting it.  

I recently saw this in action.

As a novelist one of the first decisions I make after deciding on a plot and the characters is setting.  As part of my selection process I take into consideration whether or not I’ve been to the area I’m considering.

If not then I consisder whether I’ve been to a place close or in some other way similar location.

In the case of my Dragon Core series it wasn’t just deciding between Seattle and New Orleans it was deciding on the setting within the setting.

I lived in New Orleans but so long ago I didn’t feel I could do it justice.

When it came to Aesop’s Cove I had the perfect location in mind as a “stand-in.”

I planned on having it as a place I could go work at so I could really soak up the vibe for the story.

Excited to have this ironed out I went with hubby for a celebratory lunch only to learn we’d shown up on the last day.

I remember staring at the waitress in shock as she told me they were going out of business.

Timing

What are the chances?

She brought the boss over after I explained why we were there.  He was polite but strained.

No wonder.

Though I was ready to go forward with the story I knew I had to find a suitable place as a stand-in for Aesop’s.

To serve as a place to go when I needed an energy tune-up during times of writing fatigue.

Weeks turned to months and I could not find a suitable location.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Waterfront

For a variety of reasons including serious career burnout I took time off from writing.

A lot of time.

During this time I focused on self-care.

A lot of walking.

As I walked I sorted through challenges, mysteries, and solutions to those mysteries.

Many of those mysteries related to manifesting goals.

What I didn’t do was focus on the challenge of finding a suitable location to be a stand-in for such an important plot element.

I just kept walking and “not” thinking.

One day I decided to try to get a bit of work done.  At the time I was more thrilled with the idea I’d be able to do a bit of writing than where. As a result I gave little thought before slipping into a local haunt and sitting down to work.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

It had been some time since I’d been there.

Thank you Covid lockdown.

On some of these occasions I struck up conversations with visitors either local or not.  While I occasionally mentioned what I was doing more often than not I just enjoyed listening to their stories.

I love hearing people’s stories.

I continued this trend and came to see the location was becoming key in my recovery from burnout.

Likely because while I was working there I didn’t associate it with work.

I associated it with relaxing and the opportunity for spontaneous conversation.

I tuned into the music playing, the conversations.

Conversations that took my mind off my troubles.

And then it hit me.  I’d found my Aesop’s.

It only took about a year of not looking for it.

On a recent walk I pondered the mystery of how this happened.  I’d been in that place before burnout and never considered it a suitable stand-in for the Cove.  No sooner had that thought surfaced then Pauley’s words came to mind.

It is seeking me as I am seeking it.

During the time away from writing due to events beyond anyone’s control the place underwent a shift.

Thank you Covid shutdown.

I came to understand that as I was changing through my focus on self-care and health and wellness the location and its employees were also changing.  By the time I circled back around it had become what I needed.

The Lesson  

If only I had changed or only that location had changed it’s doubtful I would have found it to be a suitable stand-in.  It’s because we were both pulling mutual energy for the same or similar goal that I was able to manifest what I needed.

One of the bigger changes was that they wanted to be more than just a place to hangout.  They wanted to serve their diverse customers’ needs in ways I feel is friendlier.

Warmer, more inviting.

More like how I pictured Aesop’s Cove.

In coming to understand this need for transformtive change not just in myself but in some other aspect of the goal I found myself relaxing about a key element in the manifestation game.

Time

I’m more relaxed about how long the goal may take to manifest because I now truly understand it won’t til things are in place.

And that may take time.

Cradle of Love – A Study in EMF Sensitivity

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A child** of the 80s I recently decided to revisit Billy Idol’s Cradle of Love video.

A classic.

An interesting factoid came to the cosmic surface.

Factoid – fun.

It sounded more pleasing through the Youtube video.

Note:  Engineer Derek Gauger (author of the Foreward to my book Riding the Waves) once tried to explain the sometimes painful audio experiences I had listening to digital – especially satellite music – was due to compression ratio.

When I listen to satellite radio I hear a high-pitched (awful/painful) squeal and any male singer sounds as if he’s wearing his Speedos too tight.  Needless to say I’m not a fan.

Fiction V Nonfiction.

Though I’m working on a Dragon Core project I never miss the opportunity to learn.

Especially when it comes to EMF Sensitivity.

Something was niggling at the back of my mind.

An EMF something.

Donning a cherished Christmas gift 

Headphones from Grado Labs.

I compared listening to the same song via Youtube video V Apple Music.

Apple doesn’t offer the music video which would have offered me an apples to – no pun intended – apples comparison.

Note:  Every time I read “remastered” when searching for music I want to puke.

I cut my own casettes from album so don’t go there.

What I concluded is the Billy Idol video is far less painful – audially – than any remastered whatever.

I guarantee it has to do with that EMF context that gets caught up in the audio compression rate soup.

Conclusion

At this point?  Doest it matter?***   What I do know is I  won’t be downloading the mp3 anytime soon.

Given the video isn’t available for purchase I suppose I can play it in the background while working on Messenger of the Gods.

Audially?  I bow to no one.

Not when it comes it listening quality.  

** I was not a “child” then

*** Neil Young and his Pono project do.

I Get Every Season – But Why Now?

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Growing up with Hippie parents – not to mention LIVING through some of the times in question – child that I was – gives a unique perspective on life.

The gift that keeps on giving.

To Every Season

Turn Turn Turn

Dragon Core

For whatever reason I stumbled when trying to find the vibe for Aesop’s Cove.

The heartbeat of Dragon Core

I wanted – needed – to sit in a place that felt like the Seattle centerpiece of the series. 

To bask in vibes I could wear as I wrote.

No Dice

Damn Goldilocks

Like other Creatives the Muse is in charge

For years I traveled to and visited venues in and around the Seattle Metro Area

Dive bars, places that landed in one periodical or another…

Disrupting various lives – including my own – in search of the physical embodiment of of what I lived while writing those scenes.

Like I said – the Muse is in charge.

Turn turn turn

Unable to find the right locale [read vibe] I forged a way through a path of pain and uncertainty.

I couldn’t write until I had the soul pieces in place.

Muse again ya?

Turn turn turn

Enter Covid

The path forced me to take a break.

Or was it the Muse?

Turn turn turn

And so it came to pass that while I healed the world healed and – changed.

The one constant right?

One day I ventured to a place I’d been to but never thought of as a possibility for the Aesop’s Cove vibe.  Lo and behold they’d evolved and the locale was now a solid physical option to wrap myself in the vibe.

Weirdly Enough

On the other side of the post Covid energy evolution …

I stopped by the place that had been a place holder for Aesop’s Cove only to find I no longer connected to it.

Still wrestling with that and what it means

Circle Back

A tool I use in my writing

Years ago I asked an engineer friend of mine living in A2 whether – when we move – do we change or does what we left behind change?  His answer?  Both

Which at the time was totally irritating.

I now understand what my friend was trying to convey.

Relativity revisited.

I couldn’t find my Aesop’s Cove before now because not only did the place not exist I was not ready; something the theory of relativity explains perfectly.

Thanks G3!

And so life happens.

When and as we need it.

Valentine’s Thank You

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Just taking time to wish readers and visitors a Happy Valentine’s Day and to thank you for all the wonderful support you’ve given over the years.

I feel very fortunate to have had lifelong support for my dream of being a novelist

  • Family

Especially my parents and grandparents

  • Neighbors

Who encouraged my love of reading as well as writing and were ready to discuss books 

  • Teachers

Math and science teachers who took time to discuss universal what-ifs? and others who advised me on how to do proper research or just gave encouragement 

  • Classmates

Including those who weren’t close friends but who were quick with an encouraging word

  • Coworkers 

Some of whom were also aspiring writers and who never tired of listening to me talk of my dream

  • Readers

Without whom this wouldn’t be possible

I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

Elizabeth

Manifesting 101: Feelings

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As I sat down  for a working lunch – having just arranged my laptop and other related tools –  I spared a moment to ponder a familiar feeling .  What makes it noteworthy is it’s a feeling I haven’t experienced in some time.

In a locale over a thousand miles away.

As I pondered further I considered I was finally getting a concept related to more recent treatise on manifesting

Drawing on emotion to enhance efforts.

The idea is that if you can “refeel” positive emotions it will put you in a frame of being that will draw a goal that elicits – once achieved – an equally positive one.  There’s a catch.

Manifesting in Reverse?

Confusion quickly set in because the feeling – good as it is – isn’t one I associate with this geography.

Yes the location I’m working at has a good vibe but it’s a far cry in numerous ways from the other locale.

One thing I can’t argue with is the fact I really was feeling the feeling from years ago in a place far away.  

It dawned on me:  What I wanted – was trying to manifest – was what I got.

That wonderful feeling.

As opposed to the location.

I didn’t see the difference bbefore now ecause I associated the feeling with a specific location and it’s a feeling I haven’t experienced anywhere else. prior to recent times

So recent I didn’t even put two and two together until today.

I always assumed it was a feeling unique to the far away locale

Especially given each and every time I visit the feeling returns – pretty instantaneously.

Quickly reviewing the manifestation goal tied to this feeling I realized I really had – perhaps unconsciously – fixated on a feeling rather than an image of the location associated with the feeling.  

Something to Work With

So says the Universe

It made me realize I got what I was trying to manifest.

A feeling associated with a time and a place.

What You Wish For

Doesn’t that suggest I really wanted the location associated with the feeling?

Maybe – but…

I can apply all sorts of hindsight as to why it’s better I didn’t get that place.  In the end?  I now understand – taking all factors into consideration – the Universe- in its infinite wisdom – works perfectly to help you achieve your goals if you zero in on the specific why – emotionally – you want it.

Bonus:  The Universe only responds to positive emotions and works for the best outcome for all involved.

You don’t have to worry about the details.

Revel in the feeling.

Your goals await.

Manifesting 101: Details Shmetails

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I’ve recently been working on a writing project increasing in complexity as I make progress.

Not great.

Even with encouragement from the Universe – in the form of articles validating scientific principles woven into the fictional storyline – the project itself has started tying me up in knots.  

The Cursed Hows

To put in context I need to go back to 2013.

To Arizona.

We were at a crossroads.

Renting month to month while deciding whether to go east or west.

I was fortunate to discover the work of Mike Dooley who introduced me to the concept of the cursed hows.

Long story short he framed the idea that while it’s natural for some if not most of us to be planners when it comes to manifesting goals we have an opportunity to seriously reduce stress if we don’t worry about how it’s going to happen.

No need to know the details – just trust that it will.

Letting Go

Which circles back to faith and confidence in manifesting – a challenge I’ve had.

I’m a planner.  I needed to know how it would happen so I could anticipate issues – cut them off at the pass.  

Um – ha ha.

After reading Mike’s take I was able to let go of the need to know which built confidence somehow it would happen – and I didn’t need to worry about the details

The cursed hows

Confidence

This led to faith that the same energy that worked numerous miracles in my life wasn’t going to screw up when it came to my goals.

Including not granting them when it was in my best interest.

I didn’t have a problem with the idea I deserved to achieve my goals – I just needed to know how it would happen.

Circling Back

To my current project.

For days I worried over how I was going to find the wherewithal to tackle a project that was a means to an ends.

It was energy intensive at a time I was coming out of severe burnout.  I didn’t want to slide backward.

After waking stressed 3 days in a row I told myself not to worry about it.

Note: I had confidence in the project. 

It’s a project of the soul. That wasn’t the issue…

I assured myself – at 5:35am – “You’ll figure it out.”

That confidence came from reminding myself I’d published over 20 books, had been interviewed for my EMF Sensitivity work, and was comfortable in my skin as a writer.

It was while on a walk later that morning – still wondering how am I ever going to pull this off? – that rather than reminding myself I had what it takes I reminded myself I didn’t need to worry about the cursed hows. 

I told myself to keep on the path of what I was doing and any next steps that needed to happen would present themselves at the appropriate time.

An Odd Thing

For me.

Maybe it was deciding to live a philosophy understood on paper but suddenly I was lighter of heart.

Confident somehow it would all work out.

What I did know was that I now had the energy to take the next step confident whatever I needed to do next would just be there.

Somehow.

I didn’t need to worry about it.

The Universe would guide me.

Feeling better I finished my walk and got back to work.

The Universe Confirms

Plugging into my morning routine I was half-astounded half-amused to find a thumbs up from the Universe had come into my sphere of awareness.

Timing – like Perspective – is Everything.

Unlike the other messages this one spoke to the philosophical methodology I was just coming to embrace.

A methodology that had been an Achilles heel for decades.

Not a coincidence.

Sign Post or Post Note?

The experience allowed me to further release attachment to the process

Strengthened the idea it would all work out 

And wouldn’t you know solutions to various concerns began to appear

As if by magic

Manifesting 101: Encouragement or Distraction?

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I recently wrote that after deciding to take on a project of some magnitude I began getting messages that could be – and were – considered encouragement from the Universe.  

Each time I felt overwhelmed by the project one of these messages of encouragement would find its way into my awareness.

Life Validating Art?

The articles – scientific in nature – share a theme:  Science is proving what I’ve written about – in fiction.

Coincidence or Not?

Not.

The fiction was simply a way for me to incorporate scientific principles I’d long believed.  The principles existed – in the world of theoretical physics but I wrote the fiction long before I was able to study the principles.

High school teaches classical physics. You generally need to go to college before you can study – in-depth – theoretical physics, quantum mechanics, and associated principles.

I’m finding it a bit of an emotional tangle to see my theories – blended into my fiction – validated by science.

Especially as it’s now availble to the public not just those studying in college.

Bread Crumbs or Distraction?

Each time I felt overwhelmed another piece of the scientific puzzle came across my sphere of awareness.

Another scientific article would be available.

There was a randomness to it all in that some of the pieces would appear in my Apple News feed but be from a magazine I’d never heard of. Others an article on a news site I visit such as the LA or London Times.

One was even in the Wall Street Journal!

As I continued with the project I began to wonder if in writing the themes into the tale I hadn’t been trying to tell myself something.

A suspicion strengthened with every scientific article that appeared.

The suspicion became a distraction as I considered that even in high school – when I wove the tale – I was trying to help myself solve a mystery.

One regarding parallel universes perhaps?

Because I wrote these beliefs into a fiction tale years before I was able to study them in-depth is introducing complexity. It’sn opportunity to explore the principles but it’s also a distraction of epic proportions.

Then and now.

In high school I was constantly challenging math and science teachers on the flaws in what was being taught.  

Classical physics fails to address principles of and associated with quantum physics.

Fortunately, most of my teachers were willing to spare the time – so long as I didn’t bring it up during class – to discuss my theories and hypotheses.

I will forever be grateful to my physics and pre-calc teachers for giving me their time and sharing their beliefs which dovetailed mine beautifully.

And for the patience of my geometry teacher who wasn’t willing to stretch herself but didn’t take it out on my grade.

College was a different story and I happily engaged and sparred with professors – including a music TA – on the world beyond classical physics.

I was also extremely fortunate to intern for Stanley Ovshinsky during which I had many conversations about my theories with he and some of his top researchers.

After which he gave me access to various journals in his scientific library.

And Now?

The science underpinning the story is again becoming a distraction.  While I’m thrilled to see my theories validated, rather than serving as encouragement I’m starting to find the information pulling me away from the project by tempting me to do more research.

And ever more research which means I’ll never get the project finished.

Interpreting Interpreting.

On a philosophical level one could say that perhaps that is what the message is; not that I’m receiving encouragement through validation but that the Universe is nudging me back into research.

Only time will tell.

Stay tuned.

Note:  The latest article to tempt me away from a project that is mentally intense can be found here.

Manifesting 101: Encouragement

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There’s a theory in the world of manifesting efforts that when you put your intention out to the universe and back it up with action aligned with the intention the universe conspires to help you achieve your goal.  While I subscribed to this concept in theory I am now a firm believer.

What are the Chances?

Before I elaborate I’d like to point out that I’m a big Doubting Thomas.  Even after all the amazing experiences I’ve had 

Coincidences I like to call synchronicities 

I withhold judgment until I consider a number of angles, the most important – for me – being What is the statistical likelihood?

What are the chances this exact thing came at the exact moment I needed to see/hear/experience it?

I’m aware of the Reticular Activating System.  I’m not referring to this phenomenon.

I’m talking about examples of the universe conspiring to help me on the path to a goal by providing messages that either help me know I’m on the right path or provide a morale boost when I’m having a tough time continuing.

The encouragement I need when I need it.

It’s About Time

A significant component to the What Are The Chances? test has to do with timing.  What is it about the timing of the message that makes me feel it’s special?  I use this as one of the bigger markers testing validity because it’s likely the same information given at a different time would not be helpful.

Maybe not even acknowledged.

The example I’m about to share is timely indeed.

To provide a bit of context I’ll share that for as long as I can remember I’ve been fascinated by the concept of time.  In particular

  • Time travel
  • Multiple universes in which things turned out differently because decisions made at a point in time were different (i.e. turn left instead of right)

I’ve explored these ideas academically

I’ve had numerous amazing conversations with my physics and math teachers and professors

I’ve explored them through research

Hours in the science library at Stanford while researching for my doctoral thesis

I’ve explored them through my own works

Both fiction and non.

And Now?

I’ve been working on a project that’s turning into quite the time and energy sink.  

To the degree it’s taking a toll.  

Given I’m healing from severe burnout I had to take a long look at what I was doing through the lens of Is this really worth it?

As of last night I was having serious doubts.

While watching something to take my mind off my troubles I thought back to basics.  

So much for taking my mind off things.

If it was meant to be it will happen.  If not, it wasn’t meant to be.

A good maxim to remember when undertaking any manifestation project.

 I sent a mental message to God asking for a sign that would tell me if I should keep going.

I do not want to go back to the land of burnout.

 I went to bed confident at some point in the near future I’d have my answer.  

Jose Silva developed tools to address the concept of feedback from the Universe. Two that come to mind are the Glass of Water Technique and the Video Technique.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

There is an amazing story in Lynn McTaggart’s The Intention Experiments about researchers affecting the past in a positive way.

Has to do with affecting a health outcome before a procedure took place – by praying about it years after it took place.

It’s just one of many examples of the effect of time on manifesting intentions found in her book.

It’s possible that though I hadn’t yet made the request for some sort of validation as to whether I should continue on the project the universe was aware it was coming and was ahead of the game.  I say this because the first message came before I was having any doubts.

The first message came in the form of an article about how our brains are connected to the Universe.  Specifically, our awareness of this connection.

It’s a concept I’ve covered in fiction and nonfiction work.

From the Popular Mechanics Article:  …when you have a heightened state of consciousness, Hameroff explains, it’s because you’re dealing with quantum-level consciousness that is capable of being in all places at the same time. That means your consciousness can connect or entangle with quantum particles outside of your brain—anywhere in the universe, theoretically.

Unfortunately, this piece is subscription only. I couldn’t find it captured elsewhere to share.

When I read the article I was still excited about the project.

I hadn’t gotten to the point of doubt.

This morning when I saw another article that fit perfectly with the project I came to see both were messages from the Universe encouraging me to keep going. I felt the encouragement and after being stunned by the coincidence of it felt better about the project.

The second article?  That time runs forward and backward in materials.

I’ve long felt time is not linear and that it ran in both directions.

Another theme found in my writing.

Wow!

To see science catching up with concepts I’ve known instinctively since childhood is pretty cool.  It’s also something I had to wrap my head around.

It’s quite a feeling to see something you’ve felt to be true –  something you’ve believed – find veracity through science

Like Perspective, Timing is Everything

It isn’t just seeing the science behind the instinctive knowledge it’s the timing – learning of it.  That each article is entwined with my project?  Not a coincidence.

Exactly what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it.

A beautiful perfect thumbs up from the Universe.

To Find Your Voice Ignore the Rules

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I’ve known I wanted to be a writer since I was 3.  What I didn’t know was the convoluted path it would take.  Even as I was praised as a storyteller, winning fiction writing awards beginning at 6 of years age, I was getting pushback, the harshest coming from a woman of influence – my paternal grandmother.

I now understand she was putting the burden of her need to live in reflected glory/accomplishment on my young shoulders.

My education drove very strict grammatical rules into my head.

Most of which didn’t and still doesn’t apply to published works.

I excelled.

Was reading college level at age 7 – tested 99th percentile in the country – qualified for the new Mensa for children program.

All of which did little to help with my dream of becoming a published storyteller.

Arbitrare This!

Oh – is arbitrare a word?

Fast Forward through a successful multi-decade career in tech to 2003.

Enter Fate!

A merger from hell led me to know that if it was ever going to be –

The Time to Write is Now!

I’d wanted this for as long as I could remember and yes – I remember being 3 and giving my mom a poem I’d written [to her] in gold crayon on a red construction paper heart I cut myself and declaring I was going to be a writer.

Yeah but

Back to 2003

Even as I was working to publish Kerry’s Game – I was working on a doctoral thesis in holstic medicine.

Another passion.

This necessitated I not only spend hours in the scary basement of the science library at Stanford

Hey – it’s dark and creepy in that corner!

It required I purchase a book on the accepted writing style and grammer for a doctoral thesis.

My Masters’ thesis didn’t require this.

Detour Ahead!

My literary plans were derailed by Fate when an adjunct professor who read my thesis encouraged me to turn it into a book.

Which I did.

And detoured further via EMF Sensitivity which led me to publish nonfiction first.

I had multiple individuals begging me to give them unfinished work which I refused to do – on ethical grounds among other reasons; as in it wasn’t finished.

Skipping around a bit – including the impact of Smashwords on the industry …

Once I  published and subsequently dealt with the fallout of that lifetime achievement award I returned to my original dream.

Published storyteller.

I invested in my dream.

Time and money.  LOTS of money

Classes and conferences and more time.  

I ran into rather interesting challenges.

No one told me not to quit my dayjob. Quite the opposite.

I received a hand-written letter from an editor at Tor-Forge explaining their slots for a particular paranormal fiction angle were currently filled and inviting me to submit more of my work for consideration.  

Aspiring published writer gold.

Fate intervened

Beyond the scope of this article.  

Then intervened again.

Cue Mark Coker founder of Smashwords.

The man who upended the industry I was just breaking into had watched his wife suffer the hoops of fire aspiring novelists are put through and decided to do something about it.

For details visit his site.

By the time I was listening to him speak at a conference in Anaheim I was self-pubished and on my way to a flourishing writing career.

My dream.

I didn’t feel an imposter.  That didn’t mean I wasn’t ill at ease. 

I was writing by someone else’s rules and the vernacular that went with those rules. I hadn’t found my voice.

Full Circle

It was while reading one of my favorite books [I’d written] that it came to me. I’d written my stories as if I was working for the Big 5 when I wasn’t!

Their rules. Their voice.

Smiling from the Aha! moment I began editing with the warm feeling of someone who has found their voice!

I can finally write as me as opposed to a representative of a corporate standards list.

Stay tuned!