You Matter

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I’ve written and spoken in podcasts about how a buddy of mine in the Bay Area fished me out of the murky waters of post-pandemic burnout.  

The Beginning

It was so bad I wound up in the ER.

Fortunately, no health issues.

A passionate walker for decades I dragged myself out of miserable mornings and put one foot in front of the other day after day, week after week, month after month.  Didn’t matter the weather – pouring rain, snow, record-breaking heat, I kept it up.

Initially I spent the time mentally combing through my life and wondering how the hell I got there.  After all I’d been through so much worse.  

On Impulse

Over past decades I’d kept in touch with a buddy I worked with in tech, emailing then eventually texting. One morning I asked – given he was getting ready to brave Silicon Valley traffic – if it was okay I “brought him” on my walks by texting him.  

Sending him pics of sunrises, fogged skies/misty mornings, beautiful foliage, holiday decorations.

At the time I was going so early it was dark and while I saw a few souls walking or jogging I was pretty much alone.

Well, me and my phone light.

Mutual Benefit

He was more than happy to exchange the occasional text – some before getting in the car – some after he got to work.  

In the course of dialogue it came to light he was going through his own struggle.  He’d been taking care of his mom for eons and it got to a point he needed help.  I’m sure readers can fill in the blanks of the stress involved with finding a place where his mom would get the best care and having to deal with the house and other details.

Day after day, week after week, month after month I listened via text as he shared the challenges of finding an apartment close to where his mom would be, of the stress and chaos of getting the home that had been in his family since the 70s ready to sell – by himself.

No siblings.

He listened as I sorted through a roller coaster of emotions and faced incredible anxiety.

Family

I want to note I absolutely had the support of my family but they had their stress too.  Having my buddy meant they could address their own post-Covid chaos.

A Cure to the Loneliness Crisis?

This morning a good friend sent a video – Diary of a CEO: A Cure to the Loneliness Crisis? in which a gentleman talks about the impact of texting someone to let them know someone is there.

Someone.

This man’s commentary perfectly summarizes the healing texting did for my buddy and me.

Beyond Text

In an age in which many people are trying to do digital detox I can add that over those days/weeks/months I came across a number of individuals out pounding the pavement.

Face to Face Human Interaction.

Some walking dogs, some jogging, some riding bikes, – many just walking.

Often with flashlights.

Over time we began to smile – seeing each other every morning it seemed the polite thing to do.  I began introducing myself. 

You Matter.

Me:

“I look forward to seeing you every morning.”

“It makes my life better to see you in the morning.”

“You always look so pulled together as you’re walking to work.”

I met people who play in the orchestra, who are passionate Rolling Stones fans, who lived overseas…

People of all age groups – yep kiddos waiting for the bus – ALWAYS wish them a good day 

Taking time to connect pays in a myriad of ways big and small and goes in both directions.

Don’t hesitate to tell people they matter.

Be well.

Human Touch: There Is No Substitute

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I recently wrote about the value of good manners.

Smiling?  Treating People with respect?  Wishing them a good day?  Lifting them up when they need a helping hand?  THESE are the pillars upon which decent society was built and in spite of what you may read on the web it’s the fabric that still exists.

The irony in that paragraph?  By taking your cue from technology – what you read on the web – as opposed to a fellow human you end up with a skewed image of the world.  Allowing someone you’ve never met tell you how to think and feel about what may or may not be reality can and does cause harm in the form of mental and emotional stress.  It’s this truth that has driven communities across the globe to ban cell phones in classrooms and for kids under a certain age.

The Power of Human Connection

A powerful antidote is engaging with the people in your community, people who can help you determine whether what you read online is something you need to worry about.  I’ll share an example.

Months back I was at a local pizza place.

Arriving shortly after they opened.  

I love the energy of this place.  

Lots of windows to let in natural light, very cool tunes selected by the even cooler staff who know me for my periodic working lunches.  

Because of my timing I’m there when teens on their lunch break form a line to the door.

A line that goes by the table where I like to sit.

I’m always amazed by how polite the mostly male students are, talking and laughing quietly while they wait for their turn to order.

How nice they are to the staff.  

Obviously, they were taught manners.

One afternoon I looked up to see a man in an army jacket in the middle of the pack.  There were ribbons on his jacket reflecting service though it was evident he was no longer active.  What struck me was his expression.  The guy was in serious distress.

Are You Okay?

I mouthed the question to which, looking as if he was about to crumble, he shook his head.  I went to him, my intention to hug him and help him feel okay.  

After asking his permission that’s what I did.

I had a pretty good idea what was upsetting him.  The web was filled with headlines about the growing political divide and thanks to various media platforms it was all too easy to feel as if you would be the victim of malice by people you’ve never met and who don’t know you.

Keenly aware of the teens close by I dropped my voice and asked if he was upset about recent events which weren’t favorable to the men and women who serve our country.  He nodded put his head on my shoulder and cried silently while I held him.

Keeping his voice low he told me how proud he was to have served his country, how his parents raised him with good values.

Treating people with respect was high on that list.

I stepped back so I could look him in the eye, took his hands and said, “What you read is not reflective of your community.  The people here do not feel that way.  You are safe here.  Hear me?  You are safe.”

He sniffled but nodded and we chatted a few minutes more even as the line moved.  I gave him another hug, promised him it was going to be okay, then went back to my salad and my work.

I wrote about that day and there’s a very good reason I’m repeating it here.

There’s An App For That

Despite how often those in the tech industry are vilified many continually strive to make the world a better place.

To help people live healthier happier lives.

To that end a dynamic duo recently released an app to help people break addiction to screen time, the goal being to help them reconnect with their community so they can absorb the love and friendship of those in it.

As a holistic healer I have been an enthusiastic supporter of this effort from the beginning.

I am proud to promote NoPhone: A Digital Detox app.

Feedback Welcome

I would love to hear feedback on this subject so feel free to comment.

Before I sign off I’d like to wish you peace and joy in your home and your community.

Be well!

Miss Manners: Lessons Worth Learning

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Sitting with a scented candle the cozy colors of autumn’s splendor visible through the window and thinking on recent interactions with a gentleman I would describe as having Old World Manners.  Doubtless I’m aging myself with that phrase but as I let my mind wander, couldn’t help but acknowledge with pride I raised my kids with those same manners.  Though it may seem an outdated and perhaps unnecessary skill for parents to teach, not doing so can cost kids success.

Because you never know.

The Dinner Setting

My paternal grandmother saw brilliance in the man she wanted to marry, a WW II Air Force Captain.  She enrolled in finishing school, went on to be the wife of a powerful CEO.  This woman taught me a wide range of skills –  how to entertain the 1% including how to set a place setting for a full-course European meal.  The irony?  I was living in poverty thanks to her son.  

When was I ever going to…?

Lessons Worth Learning

I once asked her, given my socio-economic realities – why waste time and energy?  Her answer?  

You Never Know When

My grandmother was investing on my behalf.  

Learn Well

I had good reason to listen to her advice even as I acknowledged she was a bit bats in the belfry.

The mansion behind their property literally had a belfry even as I went without food, clothes that fit… power shut off in winter due to lack of paying the bills.

But…

I had dreams.  

From the time I was 6 I talked of traveling the world and being something more though I kept those dreams a secret in my heart.

A lot of her persuasion revolved around painting a vision of a time I lifted myself out of poverty and these lessons would come in handy.

She should have been an actress.  She was brilliant painting a time when…

She made me believe.

12 Years Later

10 – 15 years younger than my tech peers I nonetheless helped secure a huge win that put my district on the global map.  As such I was included in the award – a weekend stay at a 5-star hotel and a stipend for a nice dinner.

I worked 80 hours a week several weeks in a row alongside peers on a customer opportunity that brought in hundreds of millions of dollars.

Single I reached out to a high school buddy to go with me.

His parents grilled me for over an hour on details.

Ah Details

I chose a nice steakhouse away from restaurants where I’d likely run into my colleagues.  To my surprise my buddy started asking if his tie was crooked, if he’d placed the silverware correctly…

I assured him the wait staff had taken care of it.

It got to a point where he admitted he was terrified of shaming me at the upcoming award banquet.  

Needless to say I assured him there was nothing to worry about.

As the youngest recipient of the award I was equally nervous but I’d worked my tail off.

Doing The Right Thing

I’ve raised my kids with Old World Manners not with the idea I’m trying to shape them into world leaders but because it’s the right thing to do.  Smiling?  Treating People with respect?  Wishing them a good day?  Lifting them up when they need a helping hand?  THESE are the pillars upon which decent society was built and in spite of what you may read on the web it’s the fabric that still exists.

Across the globe.

Pass the baton of good manners…

If you didn’t have the opportunity to learn at home there are plenty of books on etiquette so take advantage of your local library and dream your future.

Be Well

The Power of a Hug

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Listening to The Gift from Gary Numan’s Intruder album and reflecting on the power of a hug.

Healing power.

As I Am Screaming starts up I recall a time when I was walking in downtown San Diego and a “hobo” (dated term I know) stepped in my path – not too close – and said with a smile – and arms open wide – “There’s someone who needs a hug.”  And oh did I need one at that moment.

I was caught up in EMF Sensitivity Hell.

Smiling and trying not to cry I walked straight into his embrace and accepted all the love he was willing to give.

More Recently

Months back while at a working lunch I looked up to see a man looking as if he was about to fall apart.

He was sandwiched between high schoolers in line for pizza or bread sticks/salad for lunch before running back to school.

I mouthed “Are you okay?”  Without saying a word he shook his head side to side.  I immediately stood and went to him thinking to hug him.

I Froze

I asked if it was okay if I hugged him.

He nodded, said nothing – looked close to crumpling.

I pulled him into a hug and said “It’s going to be okay.  I promise.  It’s going to be okay.  You’re going to be okay.”

He nodded on my shoulder – held me tight – shoulders shaking as he silently cried and said nothing.

No words were needed.

At some point I went back to my lunch – felt a bit embarrassed at the idea all these high school boys waiting for pizza saw such a display of emotion.  

Long Ago

Pontiac Eats And Beats

I ran into a former coworker while Aaron and I attended the festival.  I threw my arms around him.

We’re survivors of a toxic work environment from hell.

He held me so tight – stepped back and said “You have the best hug.”

Life

Interpretation.

I’ll leave it to readers to decide what the energy of a hug means but I’ll leave you with this.  Months ago a friend told me Psychedlic Furs were touring.  She knows how passionate I am about music – thought attending would bring me joy.

She also knows how much I love the opener – Gary Numan – which I’m listening to as I type this one-handed.

Doo-doo happens

Recently.

Slipped – put my left hand out reflexively – broke my arm.

Bummer man.

I can’t begin to express the mental/emotional toll this – in spite of lack of pain – no need for pain meds – has taken on me.

We met up with the friend who told me about the concert.  After hugging me gently she smiled pointed and said “That was me at the Cure” and in that moment healed a part of me that though isn’t physical is nonetheless broken because of what at the end of the day is an accident.

People?  Hugs heal.

Hugs convey love freely given.

Never doubt the power of love.

To heal.

Be well.

Manifesting 101: Gifts From the Universe

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Listening to Love Walks in by Van Hagar and trying to absorb the sliding doors that had to open and close – the subway cars that had to pull in and out of the station to facilitate the soul healing incidents of the weekend.

Yesterday morning I woke my daughter up to tie my shoes so I could walk to Safeway to get a bouquet of flowers I would deliver to the firehouse as a token of my appreciation.

The service they did for me?  I’d only been out of Urgent Care some 35 minutes.  Not in a great mental place.

On my way my laces came undone.  Not wanting to trip I stopped in at Starbucks and feeling humiliated – I couldn’t tie my own shoes – asked a sweet woman half my age running crazy for the morning crowd if she could tie my laces.

I felt – pretty awful.  Embarrassed.  I promised after getting flowers from grocery across the parking lot I was coming back to have coffee.

And get a treat for my daughter – just to be nice – not as a price for tying my shoes – how I felt about the barista.

This wonderful woman double-knotted my laces.

Ginsu Moment.

Showing my age I know.

I selected a beautiful bouquet I was going to put in a backpack I’d pull over a shoulder.

Sling keeping the other busy.

I approached two ladies to help me put the flowers in a plastic sleeve so they wouldn’t drip into my backpack.

I was going to tuck a sweet in as a treat for my daughter.  Soggy?  No good.  Explaining this mess to the kind woman who took time out of her busy morning to help me?  Forget it.

No Way!

One of the women laughed and said “Two peas in a pod!”

The woman who helped me with the flowers?  She had the same type splint on her left forearm!

She’d fallen off a ladder and broke her arm in the same place!

Fast forward and dear daughter and I are walking to the door at the fire station only to see a sign for business hours.

Sunday isn’t one of those days.

There WAS a sign that pointed to an old-fashioned doorbell “Press here for service.”

And another that read if an emergency dial 911. Delivering flowers to say thank you?  Um.  No.

It was a great feeling handing over the bouquet and thanking the men and women who’d heard about my adventure.

As to Synchronicity?

I was told it was lucky timing.  Apparently the crew had just closed out a call that enabled them to go to Starbucks for some java.

And help someone they had no idea was waiting for them.

Be well.

Responsibility: Who’s Is It?

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Listening to Rag N Bone Man’s Skin

Powerful lyrics

My mind drifted to the people we believe we have responsibility to.

And how we ended up with these beliefs since we weren’t born with them.

Functional Dysfunction

Having lived the definition of growing up in a dysfunctional family it’s probably no shocker I might have an interesting definition if not perspective of who is responsible for who and what.

And how dysfunctiontals don’t miss an opportunity to put their responsibilities on others including and especially those too young and inexperienced and therefore totally unprepared to bear it.

Note:  The stories I share in my podcasts?  Trust me they’re stirring up memories that would be all too happy to stay dead and buried – but that wouldn’t help the world and those in it.

Nor would it honor those who gave me their trust and protection throughout the years.

Needless to say it’s taking a toll on me.

Choice

This isn’t the forum for going deep but I’m listening to this song and thinking of a man who made the choice to be a guiding light to someone; a man not much older who somehow surmised I’d missed out on a lot of important life lessons.  Dealing with life himself?  And adversity?  He stepped out of the rushing stream of life that was sweeping souls to the open ocean where … well you can imagine … to give me a fighting chance at survival.

He saw I was shark bait.

He risked his career and much more to be there for me not because he was born with a responsibility to me but because he chose to help someone take the next step.

As life would have it I’ve been gifted along the convoluted way to cross paths with people who likewise chose a responsibility to help me to the next step.

Including my beloved husband Aaron.

There are no words to express the depth of my gratitude to these souls but along the path of responsibility to my fellow man? I learned the importance and impact of something as simple as a smile or a hug.

And how it can transform someone’s life – like the lyrics of a song.

Be in the flow.

And enjoy the music of life.

Be well.

Manifesting For Someone Else: Divine Timing

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Did a working lunch at a local place with a good vibe.  A guy who works came in for his shift as I was walking out.

Walking home.

I stopped to chat.  In particular I asked about his family.

His grandmother lives in the path of the tsunami as well as typhoon season.

After assuring me all was good we chatted about music.

We’re both big time metal fans.

At one point I worried I was taking too much of his time.

He was the one talking but still.  It was shift change and the place was relatively busy.

I eventually made my way home and as I was waiting on a light at a busy intersection I hit the button for crossing then glanced back to see a guy standing behind me.  As he was taller than me – aka longer stride – I decided when the light changed I would allow him to go before me.

When the light chnged I turned around smiled and said “You can go ahead.”

As It Happens…

When he used body language to verify I realized a startling detail.

Walking Stick

The man was blind.

I never noticed the stick – only that he was wearing a fashionable hat to keep his face from burning in the sunshine and that he was taller than me.

I assured him he was safe and slipped in behind him to make sure no impatient drivers tried to do something stupid.

Wait!  There’s More!

Gotta love Ginsu right?

We got close to a very busy parking lot.

Fast food restaurant drive-thru at lunch hour.

I stopped and waited – called out to him I was going to keep us safe.

He had his cane going back and forth across the sidewalk.

I made sure the drivers ready to zip out of the parking lot saw me.

And by extension him.

We eventually went our separate ways.  As I was walking the final leg home I thought about the timing of it all.  I’d been worried I was going to get a worker in trouble for talking to him during lunch hour but if I hadn’t fought my initial thought to politely excuse myself so as not to get him in trouble?

I was really interested in everything the cool restaurant worker was telling me.  I did NOT want to get him in trouble!

I would have missed being there for someone who benefitted from my protective presence.

Divine Timing.

Thanks Universe!

Manifestation?

I was there when that guy benefitted from it.  I manifested safety which may have been on his mind.

It is a very busy highway with people who regularly fly through and do “No Cop No Stop” behavior.

Trust your instincts.

Be Well.

Did Homeopathy Speed Healing?

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Wanted to share an observation that may help others.  

Anyone who’s listened to the introductory episode of my podcast series Navigating the Holistic Path: Integrating Holistic Health Practices Into Everyday Living knows I’m big on homeopathy as part of my holistic bag of tricks.  I recently had a healing experience that – as I aim for – gives context.

I’d been taking hypericum perforatum to address sciatic pain.  It didn’t take long to feel a significant reduction in pain but – as they say in Ginsu Knife land – there’s more!

I noticed I was sleeping better.  I went from [often] waking up between 1 and 3 am (after going to bed at 10 pm) to waking up after 4.

Going from 2 – 3 hours a night to 5.5 – 6!

One blessed day I woke up close to 6!

Curious I did a bit of research – saw that this is a homeopathic version of St. John’s Wort.

Homeopathic formulations are micro-doses and are not the same as their herbal counterparts.

St. John’s Wort is used to – among other things – help with sleep!

Ginsu Sharpening

There’s More!

The therapeutic nature of this homeopathic remedy is its effectiveness as an anti-inflammatory which is why it’s helpful with sciatica.  As it happens I was on my morning walk days back when I took a spill.  Putting my hands out I ended up scraping my right palm and left thumb to the degree there was a bit of bleeding.

Right knee too.

While it stung I continued on.

To walk it off.

I’m grateful for the commuters who stopped.

Offered to take me somewhere – made sure I was okay.

Am I Seeing This?

Sci-fi comes to life.

As I walked I periodically looked at my scuffed skin.

Kept mentally replaying what if I hadn’t… could I have avoided…?

I noted something pretty unbelievable.  It appeared as if my scrapes were healing before my eyes. They were literally disappearing!

Like something out of a sci-fi film!

Doubting Thomas Rides The Skies

I kept looking – kept seeing progress too quick to be believed.

And yet I was seeing it.

Plausible Explanation

I suspect having taken the hypericum – anti-inflammatory – for days before the spill meant my body was primed to throw healing resources at the wound.

Reducing inflammation so the body could heal as it’s meant.

And Now?

Within 2 days the wound was 1/4 in size.

No bruising – never was any which is fantastical given the fun of doing a baseball slide into rough pavement.

The thumb is completely healed and after 3 days the palm is almost free of any scabs.  

Incredible.

If I hadn’t seen it I would never have believed it.

This is the kind of story I share in my podcast series.

Real life.

Be well!

Life Balance Starts Early

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I’ve been volunteering to help kids with literacy.  

I work with 2nd graders from a variety of socio-economic backgrounds.

A recent blunder helped me become aware of something I believe we can all appreciate.

If not learn from.

I alternate volunteer dates with a partner and because I messed up I wound up showing up on the same day as my partner.  Knowing there were more kids than volunteers I offered to stay and be an extra.

I figured the teachers would assign me somewhere I could be useful.

While one of the sessions – we do three 30-minute sessions – stands out – it’s actually what I learned after the mistake that drives this post.

Stand Out

We were waiting to start the third session when the teacher overseeing the program asked if I’d be willing to work with a student whose reading specialist had to call off.  Naturally I was cool with it.

She advised me that while he may read he may need me to read to him.

Shortly after finding a relatively secluded space to read

Most of us hang out in a hall or in a room where we have to try to work with students while ignoring a cacophany…

I noted the student was barely above See Spot Run level.

He was behind by about 1.5 years.

Locked Inside

The first thing that stood out was that this sweet kid was so intelligent but frustrated because he  had some sort of “wall” between what he was thinking and what he was able to articulate.

A high functioning autistic perhaps?

I did what I could to assure him I was in no rush and was perfectly willing to wait while he gathered his thoughts.  We had a great session and at one point I did ask if he wanted me to read.

He was tired and I considered that though he seemed really comfortable with me he might be a bit stressed because I wasn’t his normal “reader.”

It was a perfect session and while I felt wonderful it isn’t the session that inspired me to write this.

Both Ends of the Spectrum.

In some sessions it’s one-on-one with a student but in others it’s two-to-one.  It was while in the two-to-one I came to see a classic example of equilibrium.

A state in which opposing forces or influences are balanced.

Too Fast Cancels Too Slow

Basic math.

While both students in my third session are amazing it occurred to me that they made other sessions stand out because they brought them into balance.

They were ahead of the “average” whereas the others were a bit behind.

I suddenly realized why the teachers so appreciated the volunteers.

Which include a fireman and many others from all walks of life.

By us working with standouts from one end of the spectrum or another we allowed the teacher to work with the norm which allowed the class to progress smoothly.

The Lesson?

Extremes bring the middle into balance.

And makes for harmony.